Monday, May 7, 2012

Multiples Schmultiples

So last week as my kickball team was dominating the flip cup table, I took a break from my championship-flip-cup-survivor win and leaned on the bar while sending out text messages to all the cool kids. 


Before too long, this girl kicked up a conversation with me about who we were/where we're from (all the normal DC stuff - You've seen the video... ).






But like all conversations involving two girls in DC, it slowly veered into the direction of menfolk. Now my kickball league is rife with attractive looking men, so she started pointing out the ones she thought were attractive, and I politely nodded and agreed (though her taste teetered towards more effeminate men). 

But then 

She was like, "Ok, who do you think is cute?" 
"Meh, that guy's ok... and I guess him..."
"You're not really into picking out guys for yourself are you?" 
"Meh, I'm dating someone, and I just don't date multiples anymore." 
"What? Girl, you're young! You should be partying while the iron is hot! Why shove all your eggs in one basket?" 

And aside from her rampant use of cliches I understood what she was saying, but as the months and years have gone by, and I've read more and more blogs about the benefits of dating multiples (all of which I normally - totally agree with) I just don't think I can handle it anymore. 

I already have a shoddy memory and trying to remember intricate details is like trying to play concentration, but instead of turning over cards, I'm trying to remember the intimate details of a man's life... and fucking up, royally. 
"Oh, wait you didn't go to school in Virginia?" 
"No... Montana...."
"I could have swore.... wait didn't you use to fly fish in the Adirondacks?"
"I've never fished a day in my life, I hate worms..."
"SO you're not thinking about opening a fish hatch...."
And I don't even get to finish the sentence as he walks out the door. 

Yes, when I was free wheeling and thoroughly enjoying the single life, I enjoyed the shit out of dating a plethora of guys. In fact, dating multiple guys gives you the opportunity to get a liberal arts degree in the different facets of life, but more than likely as I met each new one... I just kept getting more and more disappointed... It was like picking dates out of a grab bag of boring unhappiness and mud puddles. SERIOUSLY. 

I feel like a part of me was dating the entirety of DC and coming up empty handed. The interesting ones were scum bags and the nice ones were boring as shit. Maybe I shouldn't say that, but it's the truth. Trying to find a nice, funny, interesting, cute guy in DC was like searching for one individual krill in the entirety of all bodies of water on the planet, and good luck to ya. 

It's my hypothesis that the reason people date multiple people is because they're not getting everything they need romantically from one person. 

Hear me out. 

Why would I need to date 5 guys instead of just the right 1 guy?

If my one guy is funny, adventurous, energetic, exciting, romantic, tender, caring, and handsome... why would I be looking for someone else?
I wouldn't. Any sane individual would realize that the one guy is amazing, and they'd more than likely stick it out with him, because if you're dating someone amazing anyone else you try to find to compare is going to fall short and just lead to constant complications.... 

Right?

As opposed to dating 5 different guys because Guy 1 is handsome and sexy, but he's not very loyal and kind of a scum. Guy 2, is hilarious and has a great personality, but he's missing something... Guy 3 could be highly intelligent and hit all of the right attractive buttons, but his dry sense of humor leaves something to be desired. Guy 4, could be a bag of dull rocks, but he plans the most exciting dates, while Guy 5 could just hit all your pheromone buttons, but you have nothing to talk about. 

In my opinion, if you've found someone who empowers you to be a better you and who interests you on the 6 levels of dating attraction (humor, intelligence, food similarities, physical, emotional, and goal orientation) then you wont want to date anyone else, because they're checking off all your boxes and making it into your primary spot. 

Yes, I think that in your early dating life (late teens thru mid twenties), when you're trying to find yourself and find out what you're attracted to, then dating multiples is great, but after a certain point in time it just becomes a bit immature and more an avoidance tactic than a mating tactic. 

Sure sometimes it's difficult to find guys in DC that actually stick around for more than a year or two, because we're so transient, but eventually when you do find someone here, if you mess it up by waisting time proving how forward thinking you are by dating 5 different people at the same time, then you seriously risk the chance of not exploring everything that one awesome person has because they think you're not serious about dating for something more (versus dating just for fun). 

Why risk it? 

1 comment:

  1. If you find absolutely everything you're looking for in the same person..you're in the wrong house. Its worth while figuring out what you're willing to compromise on, if what you're looking for is a singular relationship. I know myself, attractiveness, intelligence, trustworthiness and faithfulness are things I won't compromise on but things like height, hair colour, interests are things I'd compromise on.

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