Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Do You Want the Job - SinglesWarehouse

So I know I've been pretty lackluster on my posts of late. I get it. I could offer you some excuse about how it's been a hectic year, and how all I want to do now when I get home is eat a friggin' cookie-in-a-cup and 'take two and call you in the morning.'

But I wont.

I'll just alude to the fact that I'm very busy. Ok... not alude, but come right out and say it... "I'M CRAZY BUSY." 

So this, my most favorite part of my week, has gotten pushed to the wayside, but while I didn't manage to get a post up here on Monday... I did get a post up over at SinglesWarehouse - Check it Out!

I could say that I promise I'm going to be better, but the truth is... I can't promise that. I can promise that I'm going to try and work out my schedule so that I get more time to write for all you lovely people. 

In the meantime, expect some .GIFS. 

What I Say When My Date Says, "So Tell Me About Yourself."

Friday, May 18, 2012

My Life in Animated Gifs

When I Walk Into Rumors 

When My Friends Tell Me I Can't Order Pizza

When My Friends Ask Me Why I Need Dating Advice

When My Friend B1 Cock Blocks Me

When I Can't Find My Cell Phone

When I Find Out The Restaurant Serves Chicken and Waffles for Brunch

When Someone Texts Me Before 9 on the Weekend

When Someone Says They're Not Going to Pay the $5 Cover Charge to Get Into Rumors

What Happens When I Cook for Guys I Like

When I Find Out Someone is From Texas

When My Friends Suggest We Metro to the Bars

When Someone Asks If I Want to Go for a Run

When an Ex Shows Up at Rumors

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

New Chapters

Almost exactly 2 years ago, I graduated from college and pulled on my big girl britches, determined to find a job working at the Travel Channel.

I had an interview, met lots of people, and then I never heard back...

I sent in more resumes, and never heard back... The Travel Channel just didn't want me.

I'll admit that I was devastated. I graduated Magna Cum Laude, Damnit!

It was my perfect company, and I had been so close I could taste the grease drippings off Adam Richman's plate only to be shut down in the final seconds of the challenge, but I soldiered through... I applied to job after job after job (350 within the first 4 months) with company after company.

Finally I landed an interview with Princess Cruise Lines, and they wanted me!

For $2000 a month LESS than I was worth (seriously next time you go on a cruise tip your waiter more than you should - they really make SPIT). I debated it for a split-second, before I got notice that my grandmother was starting to see the other side. So I turned down the position because, (1) they offered me less than minimum wage and (2) if I accepted their offer, I wouldn't be allowed to come home for the funeral.

Sure enough, a month later I was flying home.

After the funeral, I interviewed with Royal Caribbean, but their unprofessionalism in the hiring process actually pissed me off, and was - in my opinion - highly sketchy. So I dropped out of the final round and figured, I'll get something else.

I'll save you the long sob story to essentially tell you that for the past two years, I have been an "independent contractor," which is job speak for 'I don't want to pay to actually hire you, but I need you. So here I'll pay you about what you're worth but no benefits for you.'

It didn't really bother me all that much... I had what I needed. I could get all the necessities and saved some on the side, but I never really had job security, which in my opinion led to a lot of awkward first date conversations, which led to awkward dating interactions, which led to unstable dating environment, which is probably one of the main reasons I have stayed single for SO LONG. You try dating without job security, and tell me how long ambitious guys stick around. (Seriously the Shun Test).

I'm a member of the boomerang generation, and I was not proud of it. I wanted to assert my independence, pay my bills, buy a car, buy a house, love my own little adorable Shiba Inu puppy, and get on with my fucking life.

Adorable, Right?
But fate had other plans. Instead of moving on with my life, I was instead thrust in the unfortunate lifestyle of never knowing what month in DC would be my last. Would this be the month I couldn't make it? Would this be the month my mom would have to fly up to DC and shove all my stuff in a U-haul? Would this be the month I'd boomerang back to the nest?

But somehow every time I would start packing my boxes, I'd luck out.

I'd get a paid internship or land a job doing x,y and z. And that would keep me in DC for a few months longer... and those months turned into months and months and months. 

But they were always unsure, unstable, and unsatisfying. 

I wasn't getting to do what I had dreamed of my entire life. I wasn't getting a house, or a steady pay-check, or an adorable Shiba Inu puppy. 

I'd call her Nymeria
And after the year I've had so far, I think I actually know why.

In February my final project with my old company was winding down, when I got a phone call from my mother...  

My father had a "cardiac-episode," one day after my then-boss's mother had her own medical emergency.

Had I been working anywhere else, my boss wouldn't have understood, and I wouldn't have had the opportunity to drop everything and fly home to support my mother for the next few weeks. 

If Princess Cruise Lines had offered me $1000 more than they had, I probably would have taken it and been on a boat. If Travel would have offered me a job, I probably wouldn't have had enough time accrued to earn those weeks off. If Royal Caribbean hadn't dipped their toe in the sketch waters, I'd have been on a boat. 

Essentially without my Independent Contracting lifestyle, I would have had to sit in DC driving myself crazy and buying out all the local CVS' supplies of Puffs Plus with Lotion (because seriously I don't know how you savages can use regular Kleenexes), while annoying my mother/brother/cousins/uncles/aunts to no end trying to get updates. 

I'm about to be one of those HORRIBLY cliche individuals, because a week or so after I got back, I landed an extended contract gig that made up for the two weeks off, and within a month of getting back I was in the interview process of landing a job at my dream company in DC. 

And here's the cliche... life has a plan. You're meant to be where you are, whether you understand it or not. 

So while I didn't get started right away on my big life plans of my own house, a new car, a steady pay-check, and adopting a beautiful Shiba Inu, I did get the opportunity to support the two people who have supported me so much over the last 24 years.

This one is just because I can...

I know my mom probably didn't need me there every hour hovering in the hospital because she worked in cardiac rehab for quite a few years, but I know she appreciated not having to run errands around town (she rather enjoyed cracking the whip and sitting back as I did them), while her husband and my father recovered from surgery, so that she could be there for him (because he's not a good sick-person - seriously, try giving him a regular Puffs tissue and be ready to hear a 3 hour lecture on the benefits of Puffs Plus). 

And while I'm excited to start this new chapter in my life, I'm not going to forget that the past two years have been a really fucking lame time of constantly writing resumes and sending them out into the world. I know how I got here. I know how much work it took and how much "coming out of my shell" had to happen so that I could network to where I am. And I know that I can be damn proud of myself.

So here's to me and to all the new graduates out there who are just starting their search. I'm not going to lie to you. Job searching sucks balls. Contrary to popular belief a degree does not guarantee you a job nowadays because so many people are getting them in today's society, but you've made it this far, so I know that you can make it the rest of the way. 

Chin up. You'll be fine. 

So now that I've reached this pivotal stage in my life... I'll work on the next one... house, car, and my own Shiba Inu. 

Seriously, starting up a Shiba Saving's Account

Monday, May 7, 2012

Multiples Schmultiples

So last week as my kickball team was dominating the flip cup table, I took a break from my championship-flip-cup-survivor win and leaned on the bar while sending out text messages to all the cool kids. 

Before too long, this girl kicked up a conversation with me about who we were/where we're from (all the normal DC stuff - You've seen the video... ).

But like all conversations involving two girls in DC, it slowly veered into the direction of menfolk. Now my kickball league is rife with attractive looking men, so she started pointing out the ones she thought were attractive, and I politely nodded and agreed (though her taste teetered towards more effeminate men). 

But then 

She was like, "Ok, who do you think is cute?" 
"Meh, that guy's ok... and I guess him..."
"You're not really into picking out guys for yourself are you?" 
"Meh, I'm dating someone, and I just don't date multiples anymore." 
"What? Girl, you're young! You should be partying while the iron is hot! Why shove all your eggs in one basket?" 

And aside from her rampant use of cliches I understood what she was saying, but as the months and years have gone by, and I've read more and more blogs about the benefits of dating multiples (all of which I normally - totally agree with) I just don't think I can handle it anymore. 

I already have a shoddy memory and trying to remember intricate details is like trying to play concentration, but instead of turning over cards, I'm trying to remember the intimate details of a man's life... and fucking up, royally. 
"Oh, wait you didn't go to school in Virginia?" 
"No... Montana...."
"I could have swore.... wait didn't you use to fly fish in the Adirondacks?"
"I've never fished a day in my life, I hate worms..."
"SO you're not thinking about opening a fish hatch...."
And I don't even get to finish the sentence as he walks out the door. 

Yes, when I was free wheeling and thoroughly enjoying the single life, I enjoyed the shit out of dating a plethora of guys. In fact, dating multiple guys gives you the opportunity to get a liberal arts degree in the different facets of life, but more than likely as I met each new one... I just kept getting more and more disappointed... It was like picking dates out of a grab bag of boring unhappiness and mud puddles. SERIOUSLY. 

I feel like a part of me was dating the entirety of DC and coming up empty handed. The interesting ones were scum bags and the nice ones were boring as shit. Maybe I shouldn't say that, but it's the truth. Trying to find a nice, funny, interesting, cute guy in DC was like searching for one individual krill in the entirety of all bodies of water on the planet, and good luck to ya. 

It's my hypothesis that the reason people date multiple people is because they're not getting everything they need romantically from one person. 

Hear me out. 

Why would I need to date 5 guys instead of just the right 1 guy?

If my one guy is funny, adventurous, energetic, exciting, romantic, tender, caring, and handsome... why would I be looking for someone else?
I wouldn't. Any sane individual would realize that the one guy is amazing, and they'd more than likely stick it out with him, because if you're dating someone amazing anyone else you try to find to compare is going to fall short and just lead to constant complications.... 


As opposed to dating 5 different guys because Guy 1 is handsome and sexy, but he's not very loyal and kind of a scum. Guy 2, is hilarious and has a great personality, but he's missing something... Guy 3 could be highly intelligent and hit all of the right attractive buttons, but his dry sense of humor leaves something to be desired. Guy 4, could be a bag of dull rocks, but he plans the most exciting dates, while Guy 5 could just hit all your pheromone buttons, but you have nothing to talk about. 

In my opinion, if you've found someone who empowers you to be a better you and who interests you on the 6 levels of dating attraction (humor, intelligence, food similarities, physical, emotional, and goal orientation) then you wont want to date anyone else, because they're checking off all your boxes and making it into your primary spot. 

Yes, I think that in your early dating life (late teens thru mid twenties), when you're trying to find yourself and find out what you're attracted to, then dating multiples is great, but after a certain point in time it just becomes a bit immature and more an avoidance tactic than a mating tactic. 

Sure sometimes it's difficult to find guys in DC that actually stick around for more than a year or two, because we're so transient, but eventually when you do find someone here, if you mess it up by waisting time proving how forward thinking you are by dating 5 different people at the same time, then you seriously risk the chance of not exploring everything that one awesome person has because they think you're not serious about dating for something more (versus dating just for fun). 

Why risk it? 

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

The What-ifs

It took some begging and pleading, but I finally got this posted courtesy of the nice people over at SinglesWarehouse.

You know all those little doubts that pop-up when you start something new and exciting? I don't have the answer for how to make them stop, but I do have a method to quell that annoying little voice in your head asking you all those "What-Ifs." Check it out