Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Odds are if you're playing the field... you're level of comprehension over who's on first is out the window.
In fact, you have no idea which guy said what and which girl does what.
So you could be asking yourself, Rose!? If I'm dating multiple people, how do I keep them all straight.
Step one, don't date people that look alike. This is a major faux-pa. Why? Because If JC is just a bigger version of Samson, then you're going to become confused, extremely confused. If your friends are telling you, wow, doesn't he look like that other guy you're dating, Dave, then you probably shouldn't mix the two at the same time. Wait till you're done with Dave and then move on to Smith. BECAUSE, and this is the biggest because of all. Consider the following statement the Holy Grail of multiples dating: IF YOUR FRIENDS THINK THAT THEY LOOK SIMILAR; THEY'RE GOING TO CALL SMITH BY SAMSONS' NAME AT THE WORST POSSIBLE TIME.
Imagine this: You're sitting, snuggled up on the couch with Gina and all of the sudden your roommate walks in... You're also dating ruth and betty, but Gina doesn't know. Why does she need to. Then it happens. Roommate looks down at you, Hey Roomie, oh hey Betty, good to see you again!
Gina sits up... and is now confrontational. You now have a pissed off girl on your couch and odds are, you're going to get slapped.
Step two, write down, everything you remember about the girl after you have your date, unless you have the memory of a God.
I once had a professor, probably one of the most friendly professors I had, and he would tell the class that the reason he was so good at networking and building up trust and relationships with thousands of people was because he had files on them all. Now I'm not saying that you should start a filing cabinet, or keep your notes in a place easily found by girls/boys you're dating, but what I am saying is that it might be beneficial for you to write down your thoughts and facts about the girl so that you can brush up on who she is before the date. Because no one likes to be told they like to ice skate, knit, and sew when they actually would love to surf, snowboard or sky dive.
Step three, if you still are having trouble telling Steve from Peter and Sally from Sam, then here's my last piece of advice. Stop dating so many people. No, but really. If you're literally dating 3 or 4 different girls every week, then to be perfectly honest you need to consider what's wrong with you. Why do you have such a high turn-over? Maybe you're crass, maybe you're an ass (if you're dating this many peeps, you probs are). You should probably limit your dating quotas to something more managable so that you're giving a fighting chance to the girls/guys you're dating. No one can live up to perfect expectations, and by you expecting them to, you're only hurting yourself.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Sunday, October 10, 2010
1. Paranoid Lovamania - The uncontrollable belief that EVERYONE, is in love with you. The man at the bar. The girl on the bus. The dog peeing on the hydrant.
Sufferers complain of feeling like everyone is looking at them lecherously.
2. Charmavirus - A horrid virus where the sufferer becomes infected with the charms of those around them. They're easily susceptible to bad pick-up lines, winking, and offers to buy them ponies.
3. LTRitis - Long Term Relationshipitis is an infectious disease, whose symptoms include the need to be in multiple long term relationships, back to back, without exploring what else is out there.
4. Analyticologist - The Study of Analyzing what happened to you five minutes ago. An Analyticologist is in the business of overanalyzing every word, every gesture, and every thought regarding their potential/significant other. They constantly are pondering the third and fourth meaning of every statement.
i.e., Actual Statement: "Hi!"
Double Meaning, "I want you."
Third Meaning, "I hate you."
Fourth meaning, "Those shoes do not go with those socks, but if you'll come a bit closer I can forget about it.... for just one night."
5. Daterphrenia - Someone who frenziedly dates everyone in sight, within their own mind. They consistently turn people down, because they can never surpass the relationships they've already had, mentally, with George Clooney, Angelina Jolie, or Lil' Wayne.
6. Handteria - "-teria" is the suffix for an establishment that is self service... Handteria therefor means that you need to figure this one out for yourself.
7. Hate Pox - A rash of ill-contemplated/judged decisions about whether or not a person likes you. Usually makes the sufferer believe unsupported that their crush/significant other actually hates them, no matter what anyone else tells them.
8. Burly Fever - An elevated desire, well above the normal range, towards people who are burly.
Symptoms include searching for the largest, though slightly muscled person in a room and seeking out their companionship.
9. Shotgun Disorder - A need so intense that when it occurs, the sufferer believes that in order to maintain their current relationship, they need to produce a pregnancy.
10. Jerk Syndrome - essentially a long string of relationships with jerks, even though one knows that in the end, they'll be left empty handed, frustrated, and broken-hearted.
11. Extalgia - The constant reminisces about how great your ex is in comparison to the person you are currently seeing. Sufferers might also find that they incur extalgia when single as they pine for their past love life.
12. Intoxapareunia - The well documented need for intercourse while one is drunk. This is not a one time occurrence. People who contract intoxapareunia constantly seek out people in bars, clubs, pool halls, and proms while thoroughly intoxicated in order to engage in sexual activities.
While current medicines cannot properly alleviate the above diseases, knowing what you've contracted is the first step in recovery.
However, in our next post, we will address possible holistic medical procedures to alleviate your concerns.