Friday, March 4, 2011

Are you burnt out?

You've been single and dating for a while.
You've dated Sam, Kelly, Lindsey, Ashley, Dana, and Alex.
You've poured out your heart and soul to each one of them, spending months and months getting to know them individually, only to have a split happen whether it be mutual, someone no longer has the time for you, someone cheats, or something just blew up in your faces.

So now you come to the question of how do you keep yourself positive and interested in the dating scene when at every turn you're consistently disappointed by the pitfalls of dating.

Well I have a few helpful hints.
1. Take the proper amount of time to morn for the lost potential. Give a good cry. Eat a few cookies. Down a tub of Caramel Cone Ice cream. If every time you see an audi and have fond and saddened memories for someone who drove one, highways are going to be difficult to navigate. What this means is that while dating you learn so much about the person you're with. You find out their quirks, their life, their favorite everything, and with all that learning, you start to become invested in who that person is. You become a friend. And just like losing a friend, losing someone you date is equally as difficult, because of that romantic entanglement. So it becomes necessary to take that step back and actually mourn the ending of that friendship. It's almost as if someone you care about dies, because they're (for the most part) no longer a part of your life and the emotion you poured into getting to know them, getting to care about them and their hopes and dreams, is a hard thing to just cut off.

2. Think about why the dating relationship failed. Was it because you were lying? Was it because they were unfaithful? Did they always have food in their teeth. Did you discover you didn't like hiking as much as you previously thought. Their love of sushi was creeping you out. If you know why something failed. You can fix it. Not necessarily for the ended relationship, but for all future dating experiences.

3. Forgive them. You wont be fun to be with if you're still bitter about the last person you dated. Consider this. If someone consistently calls their exes crazy feminist bitches, you're going to be the next crazy feminist bitch, because it's clear that they have a certain lack of compassion and forgiveness. Holding onto agression and harsh emotions is not only taxing on your heart, but also your body. Anger and stress, take a toll on your physical health. You need to learn that the best way to move forward is to forgive your past. Yes the end might have sucked immensely, but if you harbor all that resentment, you're not going to be a friendly choice for the next potential that comes along.

4. Determine if the reason why the relationship failed is fixable. Could an apology have fixed it? Could you floss your teeth more? Would they be willing to not go hiking so much? Is Middle Eastern food really not that bad? Is it possible to date when one of you has more time? Now that you know why it ended, you can take that knowledge and change.

5. Apply your new knowledge to future potentials. Remember you are amazing and one day you'll find the right person. Even Snow white had to live with 7 short annoying men before she met prince charming. Now if the reason it ended was because you had 9 toes. That's not so much changeable, but if it's something that you can change, like putting aside a little time every day just to see how that person's doing (especially if you know they're having a hard time). That, is something you can change. AND on top of that, because the giving of yourself, is the best way to invest yourself deeper into a relationship. If you take the time to say here. I'm willing to do x,y, and z because I know how much it means to you, then your potential is going to appreciate it all the more.

6. Get out there. Sitting on your laurels is only going to make it harder to get back on the horse later. People are more attractive to suitors when they're having a good time. So Go have fun. Go to a bar if it makes you happy! Meet the cute bouncer, get his number (SCoRE!!!) Hang out with friends. Join a kickball league. If you want to be in a relationship, sitting around at home isn't going to make it happen any quicker. (unless you're online dating). So you need to put yourself out there. You need to put yourself into situations you wouldn't normally. Ask friends if they have cute potentials for you. Talk to the cutie on the bus. Make friends with your neighbors, they have friends too. Just get out there.

Dating is hard. If it was easy, everyone would be coupled up. So while the continuous stress of trying to find the one might be wearing you down and stretching out every hope you have to the point of breaking your spirit. You might need a break. Or you might need to follow the above steps.

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