I recently started cavorting with a man, who is by my definition perfect. Or about as perfect as a man who loves chameleons can be. I'll leave out the details, but if previous women had looked past the gruff exterior, he would not be single.
Anyway. About... 2 dates into whatever this is, I met his friends. As in the first date was just the two of us, and date two was his friends, him and I. Now I'm not complaining. If you're that proud of me, by jove, show me off. But, isn't date two a little early to be dragging your friends into a fledgling relationship? I can understand how people value their friend's opinions. I do, very much, but when you draw out your friends to meet your potential, when you still don't know whether or not she likes pie, you're forcing your potential into a really awkward situation.
For example, As I was out meeting friend number 7, #7 begins to mention hunting. Now as a girl raised in Texas, I've shot a few guns in my life, so I had some input to add to the conversation about .20 vs .12 gauge shotguns. At which point, mr. perfect says, I didn't know you shoot, to which friend 7 says, you're dating her, and I know more than you do?
Typically, the first date is standard date topics, 'where you're from,' 'your favorite color,' 'what you think about the yankees,' etc... but By date 2 you still don't know whether or not your date is a big drinker, if they like to sit at home, if they're extroverted or introverted or some complicated mix of the two, OR whether or not they like big groups of people. Let's take for example someone horribly shy, if you barely know your shy date, and you're introducing him to jill, jessie, and jake, they could potentially retract into their shell and not only wil they have a horrible time, you're going to think damn, she's less fun than I thought, but you're not allowing for an accurate telling, because you're not allowing the fledgling relationship to breathe.
Consider a new relationship in the idea of wine. For example, if you take wine straight out of the barrel, two days in, it's not going to be ready, the flavors will still be contrasting each other and fighting for attention or sliding beneath the stronger flavors. The wine wont have had to time ferment and you'll in truth just be drinking crap. However if you allow the wine, like the relationship, to age in the oak barrels and to take on the hints and notes of the flavor profiles of the grapes as they come together in a complex bouquet of perfection, when you do take the wine out, let it breathe, then serve it to your friends, the wine will be more impressive, due to the fact that your potential will have had time to mellow to your personality and mesh, where as, two dates in, unless date one lasted a week, it's really difficult for both parties to meld into each other.
There are certain times when your potential will be perfectly fine in your group of friends 2 dates in, due to their outgoing nature, and it's great and rare to find, but one thing to consider when your potential is more flamboyant, how much is show, and how much is genuine interest in getting to know your friends and you for that matter, and how much is a defensive mechanism utilized to protect them from potential embarrassment should your friends dislike them.
love this postReplyDelete