Friday, February 24, 2012

How About We... Meet In Real Life, Chemistry Happens Offline

Since journeying out into the dating world of the DC Metroplex, I have been on countless dates with countless men, and have talked to even more than just those... 
I've tried the bar dates. 
The online dates. 
The friend dates. 
The enemy date. 
The bartender date (hey! hey!).
The bouncer date. 
The oh my flicking god get your hands off of me date. 

But aside from actual dates... there were the internet dating lackeys. The I'm not going to get out from behind my computer for 6 months because I probably haven't taken a bath guys. 
The Construction Worker
The Football Coach
The Merchant Marine
The Writer
The Guy From My Hometown
The Lumberjack in the middle of the creepster woods. 
The Scientist
The Filmmaker
The Austin Grill Employee (not saying there's anything wrong with Austin Grill, because I love the place, but... um... I've messaged back and forth with you for 5 weeks, "make a move!")
The Insurance Salesman
The Sales Agent for a Sports Team, who turned out to be 10 shades creepier than the marine. 

And from all these dates and all these men and all these internet matchmaking websites of love and happiness, I've learned a few things. 

One... no matter how fricking cute their profile picture is, they could make frankenstein's monster look attractive. They could have the worst personality on the face of the planet. They could only want to talk about their ex-girlfriend all night. They could want to talk about their work drama and ease their troubled minds on the first date, before you've even had a chance to ask how many siblings they have. 

No matter how CUTE you think they look in their pictures, or how adorable their messages read, at the end of the day, there's nothing like meeting them in person and seeing how they interact with you and greater society. 

Two... Sitting behind a computer and exchanging fifty batrillion messages back and forth with mr/mrs Right, can never equal the experience of getting to hang out with them and learn about their lives first hand. Seriously, if you met the guy of your dreams through one of your friends, would you automatically insist they find you on facebook and only contact you that way? NO! You wouldn't. You would want to interact with them in real-life. 

You'd want to close down a bar with them and find out that you share a level of nerdy-similarities or that when he smiles, his eyes light up and his chin dimple creases deeper while he nervously looks away, because he wants you to like him back as much as he likes you. You can't appreciate a person's laugh over the internet. You can't appreciate the way they reach for your hand as you cross the street. Meeting someone for that first date, actually taking the time to get out there, is worth all the rocks on the moon. 

Three... Chemistry is irreplaceable. I have kissed a LOT of men. And the one thing I've learned over the years is that there is something, some smell, some intoxicating feeling that comes with the slow lean-in as the seconds become hours and the hours become nights and the nights become forever. 

For example, I have had this tiny crush on this guy, we'll call him - IrishEyes, for years. I see him at my favorite haunts because he works there and through the years we've become better and better acquainted. I'm not going to lie, when he squeezes my hands a rush of dopamine floods my system like nobody's business, and when he leans over to give me a kiss on the cheek at the end of the night, I just about feel my entire body sing. 

So anyway, Mardi Gras this year I ran into ole IrishEyes at the bar as usual, and as I went to close down my tab, I asked how much I owed... 
"But, um, I dont have a million about a million kisses!!" 
He leaned towards me as is custom for our after closing time dance and I go to kiss him on the cheek. 
"One" he said. 
"Fiiine, two, three, four,... fifty-three" each kiss brought this smell of hormones and testosterone that screamed at me with the voices of a thousand desires and as I went in for fifty-four, he turned his head, and met my lips with his own and he tenderly kissed me. His lips folded around mine, and the taste of Cocacola which had lingered on his lips a few seconds before now gently fluttered across my tongue as the gentle smell of soap, sweat, and a sheen of cologne lighter than the gossamer wings of a fairy played on his skin. 
He pulled away a few centimeters - his slightly green, flecked with gold eyes searched mine own boring hazel ones, smiling. I smiled back.

He leaned in closer and brought me back in for fifty-five, and fifty-six, and fifty-seven, and fifty-eight, and after that I lost count. All I could do was fall into those kisses and with each touch of his lips against mine I could feel his nose flare ever so slightly. I don't know what he was experiencing, but on my end. I died. Dopamine flooded my system, and my knees went weak. 

That my friends, can't happen behind a computer. It can't happen in a thousand conversations riddled with witty banter. Because that smell of someone you desire pressing up against your lips and the feelings associated with it, is pure chemistry. 

Trust me. I've kissed a lot of people, and some of them, while they're amazing kissers, leave me wondering what color jacket to wear with my dress tomorrow. When that spark, that pizazz is missing you can't replace it with a thousand conversations. You have to get out there and meet that person face to face and feel the press of their hand in yours and listen to the way their laugh rings from the corners of the room and taste the delicate hope of a first kiss - followed by the lust of the second and third, of course.

If you're curious to see my own response to the video contest, here it is! 

And That ladies and gentlemen is why chemistry happens offline. And if you feel like I do about where chemistry happens and you fancy yourself a filmmaker, you should check out's video contest. The theme is - Chemistry Happens Offline, and if you're interested, check out this website for more details on how you could win $1500 by making a quick video! 

Also interested in trying out for yourself? Why? Because they take the online dating, OFFLINE. It's actually pretty interesting, because it's based on date ideas you come up with. ANNNND Right now they're offering a special promotion for 33% off if you use the coupon code vdaylove (personally I'm more about the mardi gras love, but that's not the coupon code... is it!?)

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