aka, "Count Phone Numbers, Not Calories"
After another crazy weekend of drinking and carousing, the LAST thing I want to do is come home on Sunday or any day for that matter and make dinner... for one.
Don't get me wrong. I LOVE cooking. There is nothing better than coming home at the end of the day walking into your significant other's arms and sharing a great meal that you've made together.
But, I dont seem to have one of those right now, and since I dont really have any takers aside from Kenny the sloppy drunk fest that asked me to marry him about five minutes after I met him on Saturday night over at the Front Page, I don't really see my dream scenario happening anytime soon.
There is a solution.
That's right, you heard me.
See that food over there. Doesn't it look a-fucking-mazing? Best part about it - No cooking, no calorie counting, and no clean up.
Oh wait, that wasn't the best part.
The Fresh Diet delivers 3 fresh, healthy, calorie-controled meals and 2 snacks daily straight to your door. In fact, you could lose 10 pounds your first month.
Who doesn't want to lose a few LBs to help boost your self-confidence in order to help your potentials see how smoking hot you really are?
The idea of cooking for just little ole me every meal is actually driving me crazy.
A day in my culinary delights goes a little something like this...
MY FOOD DIARY AS A SINGLE WOMAN
9:00AM - Pop the thyroid pill, be pissed off I can't eat for an hour.
9:30AM - Look at clock, grumble about how hungry I am.
9:45AM - Sit on the couch ready for work, stare at my watch - impatiently tap fingers while the minutes seem to tick by slower and slower.
10:00AM - Realize that I'm going to be late for work. Grab whatever form of Eggo or PopTart is closest to me as I run out the door.
11:00AM - Begin to feel hungry again.
11:15AM - Look up recipes on the food network.
11:30AM - Look up recipes on epicurious.
11:45AM - Look up recipes on recipe.com
11:55AM - Realize that none of those recipes are an option.
12:00PM - Ponder how good your lunch in the refrigerator is going to taste... typically left over lasagna, spaghetti, pesto, alfredo, diablo, scampi, pasta a la vodka. Saying I eat a lot of pasta would be an understatement. WHO WANTS TO EAT PASTA FOR 14 MEALS IN A WEEK?
3:00PM - Start to feel a bit peckish, dig in the desk for whatever form of halloween candy you left there from coming into work hungover.
3:05PM - Stare at the KitKat wrapper in your hand and wonder how you ate it without realizing it.
3:10PM - Still Hungry, Ponders how good paper would taste with a little bit of salt and pepper.
6:00PM - Rush Home Hungry. Open the refrigerator. Open the pantry. Open the cupbard. Open the freezer. Open the cabinets. Nothing to eat.
6:15PM - Open a box of pasta, because, "hey, it's there!"
6:20PM - Cook more pasta than I need, because, "hey! I'll have leftovers."
On the weekends I get a bit fancier, because I'm actually a pretty amazing cook, if I do say so myself. You can ask the majority of my ex-boyfriends, they'd probably agree. Except for the poor sap I poisoned with plastic-spoon-laced-gumbo. (Who knew gumbo melts plastic!?)
Seldom will my meals include vegetables if I'm cooking for one in a rush on a weekday. And my food would NEVER look this fucking good or actually be healthy for me if I'm cooking for just me, myself, and I.
But if someone else happened to cook it, like in a local state of the art kitchen... and it just so happened to appear on my doorstep and I didn't have to look at pasta for the next 8 weeks, who would I be to complain?
If it came with breakfast, lunch, dinner, and I didn't have to ponder what sort of snacks I could have with it... who would I be to complain?
I wouldn't have to try to stack 50 pasta pots into my dishwasher.
I wouldn't have to clean up the 50 spoons/forks/knives it took me to make my meals, because all I would need would be the utensils needed to eat it.
No longer will I have to hang my head in despair and agony because my waist line keeps growing at the same rate my wine bill does, because face it, cooking for one every single night can become a little bit depressing.
Instead I could use the time it took me to cook my pasta and use that to surf OkCupid or Howaboutwe.com for some cute potentials. Or more likely I could use that valuable time to harass SexyFace or IrishEyes into loving me.
Curious about trying The Fresh Diet out?
Who wouldn't be?! It's gourmet, healthy, delectably-delicious food delivered to your door!
Check it out - You can receive 3 days free with the purchase of a 31 day plan at $29.99 per day. Just use the special discount code, singlmar29.
I can't be single forever... can I?