... or at least the ones that want to date me.
I have not been on a date since.... mid January.
I'm not complaining, because I haven't really felt all that much like going on any. I just like to point out obvious things in order to talk about them.
The pool of men in my life the last month or so just hasn't inspired me to really go out with anyone. Don't get me wrong, a lot of them are really great guys, but I'm officially in a dating rut.
The concept of meeting someone from OkCupid bores me. I don't have the urge or the gumption to exert the effort needed to engage in getting to know yet another guy from the online dating world.
Maybe the urge will hit me again, but I just can't bring myself to toss out anymore self-depreciating humor and witty banter with someone who will probably disappear in one to two months anyway.
My sense of humor is top-notch-awesome, and I'm tired of wasting quality jokes with guys who don't care. It's EXHAUSTING.
Personally I think I'm crushed out.
I think I have literally spread my crushes on guys I chat with too thin.
Yes, I never thought it could happen, but I think I have too many crushes right now and adding anymore just doesn't excite me.
I want to date someone I know. Not someone I have to blindly go off of the bare bones I pick up from a picture and a paragraph, but someone who knows who I am and knows that I'm awesome and knows that I'm a real person who just wants to cuddle and love. (And someone who preferably has a dog that I can take on walks and play with).
There's a part of me that wants to text the guys I have crushes on and say, "Here's the deal. I like you, and I'm in the market for someone to date would you like to experience some quality dating with me?"
But I know that if someone wanted that, they'd already have said something right?
I don't know. See my problem is I tend to like the loners, or the confirmed old bachelors, or the people who live too far away. And the loners, and the confirmed old bachelors, and the people who live too far away aren't going to one day decide that they want to be tied down, or give up their free-wheeling single life, or move closer to be with me... I'm awesome, but I'm not Moses. I can't perform miracles. I know asking someone to be something they're not is futile, and that's the whole thing.
I don't want to change them. I like them like they are.
I like that SexyFace likes his personal space, because I like my personal space, and I totally respect that. I like that his loner lifestyle has gotten him where he is, because he's successful being him, and I like that.
I love that Bartender is this confirmed old bachelor living life like he's 21 again. I love that about him because I know that he's on my level with a lot of things, but he's experienced and has a grasp on what's important in life - living how you want to live. I think it's great!
And I think that ManMe's desire to follow his passions in the faraway lands of Far-away-dom is absolutely awesome. I wouldn't want him to change that for the world. (O.k. maybe a little bit) But there's no guarantee that if he did move closer that anything grand would happen anyway. It could just be a passing fancy.
That's my deal. I like people for being who they are. I can't change it. I don't want to change it. I know that people are different and exciting and no two people are the exact same, and I crush the guys I crush because I know that. I adore them individually for who they are, not who I want them to be.
So with that said, I'm exhausted trying to learn new exciting facts about people that just want to know small exciting facts about me. I'm tired of the "blind date" approach. I'm tired of chasing and pursuing and struggling to sound excited about every new prospect that knocks on my door.
I might not KNOW where all the good men have gone, but hopefully in their journey to wherever they go one of them might find me along the way.
So I posted all of that just to say - I'm going to sit on my ass and just be me. I'm going to step back and take a little breath and enjoy life. Enjoy the fact that I have awesome friends and a great family and just take time that I normally spend giving low scores in quickmatch via the OkCupid and work on being me. Because I like me.
And I'll never be one of those girls that gets excited for tulle and tutus. I'll never be one of those girls whose sole purpose in life is to be a size 0 - my love of food outweighs my slight desire to be a size 6 again. I'll never be one of those girls who looks absolutely adorably cute in every single one of their photos. I'll never be one of those girls who doesn't tell you that you have spinach in your teeth.
That's just not who I am.
I'm a gun-toting, straight-talking, kind-of-shy, self-confident lady who may or may not have to sleep with a night guard because I have ground my teeth into a serious case of some TMJ, and who likes to host dinner parties because I like sharing my cooking abilities with people I care about.
And maybe since I like people for the way they are and who they are and what they are, someone will come along one day and like me for me, without me having to go on a frickin' safari in the dating savannah to find him.