Monday, March 12, 2012

Where did all the good men go...

... or at least the ones that want to date me.

I have not been on a date since.... mid January.

I'm not complaining, because I haven't really felt all that much like going on any. I just like to point out obvious things in order to talk about them.

The pool of men in my life the last month or so just hasn't inspired me to really go out with anyone. Don't get me wrong, a lot of them are really great guys, but I'm officially in a dating rut.

The concept of meeting someone from OkCupid bores me. I don't have the urge or the gumption to exert the effort needed to engage in getting to know yet another guy from the online dating world.

Maybe the urge will hit me again, but I just can't bring myself to toss out anymore self-depreciating humor and witty banter with someone who will probably disappear in one to two months anyway.

My sense of humor is top-notch-awesome, and I'm tired of wasting quality jokes with guys who don't care. It's EXHAUSTING.

Personally I think I'm crushed out. 

I think I have literally spread my crushes on guys I chat with too thin.

Yes, I never thought it could happen, but I think I have too many crushes right now and adding anymore just doesn't excite me.

I want to date someone I know. Not someone I have to blindly go off of the bare bones I pick up from a picture and a paragraph, but someone who knows who I am and knows that I'm awesome and knows that I'm a real person who just wants to cuddle and love. (And someone who preferably has a dog that I can take on walks and play with).

There's a part of me that wants to text the guys I have crushes on and say, "Here's the deal. I like you, and I'm in the market for someone to date would you like to experience some quality dating with me?"

But I know that if someone wanted that, they'd already have said something right?

I don't know. See my problem is I tend to like the loners, or the confirmed old bachelors, or the people who live too far away. And the loners, and the confirmed old bachelors, and the people who live too far away aren't going to one day decide that they want to be tied down, or give up their free-wheeling single life, or move closer to be with me... I'm awesome, but I'm not Moses. I can't perform miracles. I know asking someone to be something they're not is futile, and that's the whole thing.

I don't want to change them. I like them like they are.

 I like that SexyFace likes his personal space, because I like my personal space, and I totally respect that. I like that his loner lifestyle has gotten him where he is, because he's successful being him, and I like that.

I love that Bartender is this confirmed old bachelor living life like he's 21 again. I love that about him because I know that he's on my level with a lot of things, but he's experienced and has a grasp on what's important in life - living how you want to live. I think it's great!

And I think that ManMe's desire to follow his passions in the faraway lands of Far-away-dom is absolutely awesome. I wouldn't want him to change that for the world. (O.k. maybe a little bit) But there's no guarantee that if he did move closer that anything grand would happen anyway. It could just be a passing fancy.

That's my deal. I like people for being who they are. I can't change it. I don't want to change it. I know that people are different and exciting and no two people are the exact same, and I crush the guys I crush because I know that. I adore them individually for who they are, not who I want them to be.

So with that said, I'm exhausted trying to learn new exciting facts about people that just want to know small exciting facts about me. I'm tired of the "blind date" approach. I'm tired of chasing and pursuing and struggling to sound excited about every new prospect that knocks on my door.

I might not KNOW where all the good men have gone, but hopefully in their journey to wherever they go one of them might find me along the way.

So I posted all of that just to say - I'm going to sit on my ass and just be me. I'm going to step back and take a little breath and enjoy life. Enjoy the fact that I have awesome friends and a great family and just take time that I normally spend giving low scores in quickmatch via the OkCupid and work on being me. Because I like me.

And I'll never be one of those girls that gets excited for tulle and tutus. I'll never be one of those girls whose sole purpose in life is to be a size 0 - my love of food outweighs my slight desire to be a size 6 again. I'll never be one of those girls who looks absolutely adorably cute in every single one of their photos. I'll never be one of those girls who doesn't tell you that you have spinach in your teeth.

That's just not who I am.
I'm a gun-toting, straight-talking, kind-of-shy, self-confident lady who may or may not have to sleep with a night guard because I have ground my teeth into a serious case of some TMJ, and who likes to host dinner parties because I like sharing my cooking abilities with people I care about.

And maybe since I like people for the way they are and who they are and what they are, someone will come along one day and like me for me, without me having to go on a frickin' safari in the dating savannah to find him.


  1. Anonymous3/13/2012

    don't try to date 'em. invite 'em over for a dinner party with friends.

  2. Honestly, a lot of men now simply don't want to initiate a relationship with a woman. I know from a survey 40 or so percent of men in japan say that they will wait till they are at a point in their lives when the women will work to get them, simply because women in japan were surveyed and around 50 or so percent have no interest in a relationship. Imagine trying to form a relationship with a minimal 50% chance of rejection. That isn't even taking any other factors into consideration.

    You sound like a wonderful lady and I would date you. I even find myself wishing I knew someone like you here in Minnesota, but alas I do not.

    Best Wishes in life and beyond.

  3. This might help!

  4. Anonymous4/04/2014

    I can't be the first to say this to you: they are back in the griend zone where you left the. You know, the one where you laugh at them behind their back, and say that complaining just like you are doing now is a sign of "entitlement".

    Sorry, you had good men and you threw them away. Them's the breaks.

    1. Thanks for your concern over me throwing "good men" away, but if they had been good men, they wouldn't have allowed themselves to be tossed in the trash, because they would have had the gumption to step up and say, "Yo, I like you, let's date." I'm actually good now, no more dating for me - someone put a rock on it.

  5. Satire by AldenHamil
    I am a woman of Generation Y and I've just turned 29 years old. I've been looking for Mr. Right since I was 26 and there's one little problem I keep running into: There are no Mr. Rights lining up to marry me! I know I'm not alone here, because I've seen plenty of articles on the Internet about women just like me having the same problem. I really don't know what's wrong with me, and why men aren't more interested in me.
    I'll admit... I've made some mistakes. Like most women of my generation, I grew up being taught that I could do anything I wanted, and that there'd never be consequences for my actions. I was always taught that I deserved the world, and that my entire life would fall into perfect harmony any time I wanted it to, including marriage, promptly by the age of 30. You see, being taught these notions as a little girl, I decided to do what most of my girlfriends did: once I got out of high school, I spent the next ten years "finding myself" by spending all of my free time chain-smoking cigarettes and getting drunk in bars and clubs. There were many men I got involved with during this period of my life. None of them were the wholeseome kind of men you could build a life with, but I didn't care. I wanted action. I wanted excitement and drama. I knew those men never cared about me and only wanted sex, but I gave it to them anyway. Some of them hit me, and a few smashed in my car windows, but whatever. I've been with over fifty men, not counting the ones I just fooled around with. Is this hurting my chance to find true love?
    There were a few really great men who came into and out of my life during this period, usually from outside the bar scene. They were men who really cared about me, who were concerned for my well being, and who did the little special things to let me know they cared, but I ignored them. I did, I'll admit it. Every man who came into my life who displayed these positive traits - the kind of traits that could have led to stability and happiness - I rejected. I found them boring. Honestly, I was having too much fun with my lifestyle to ever take notice of the men who actually treated me like a human being. I was addicted to promiscuous sex with bad boys who never loved me. Most of my girlfriends were the same way. Why settle for a good man before you have to, right?!
    I guess it helps to know that I'm not alone in this. Nearly all of my girlfriends made the same decisions I made, and we're all having trouble landing quality, marriage-minded men now that we're getting older. Where did all of those good men go? Didn't they realize that all we needed was a decade of promiscuous, no-strings-attached sex with non-committed, low quality men, after which we'd be ready to "settle" for a decent, stable man and a house with a white picket fence?
    I mean what gives? I'm done chasing bad boys and now I feel like I deserve to have a kind and hard-working man come and marry me and be a good provider and father to my son. I don't care what he looks like as long as he's over 6 feet tall, makes good money, doesn't have kids, hasn't ever been married, has a nice car, has his own house, is planning for the future, is confident, funny, independent (but not too independent), fashionable, suave, educated, cultured, and wants to treat me like the amazing, special person that I am. Is that really too much to ask? Why can I not find a man like this? Where did all the good men go?

    The Women of Generation Y


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