Where did all the good men go...

... or at least the ones that want to date me.

I have not been on a date since.... mid January.

I'm not complaining, because I haven't really felt all that much like going on any. I just like to point out obvious things in order to talk about them.

The pool of men in my life the last month or so just hasn't inspired me to really go out with anyone. Don't get me wrong, a lot of them are really great guys, but I'm officially in a dating rut.

The concept of meeting someone from OkCupid bores me. I don't have the urge or the gumption to exert the effort needed to engage in getting to know yet another guy from the online dating world.

Maybe the urge will hit me again, but I just can't bring myself to toss out anymore self-depreciating humor and witty banter with someone who will probably disappear in one to two months anyway.

My sense of humor is top-notch-awesome, and I'm tired of wasting quality jokes with guys who don't care. It's EXHAUSTING.

Personally I think I'm crushed out. 

I think I have literally spread my crushes on guys I chat with too thin.

Yes, I never thought it could happen, but I think I have too many crushes right now and adding anymore just doesn't excite me.

I want to date someone I know. Not someone I have to blindly go off of the bare bones I pick up from a picture and a paragraph, but someone who knows who I am and knows that I'm awesome and knows that I'm a real person who just wants to cuddle and love. (And someone who preferably has a dog that I can take on walks and play with).

There's a part of me that wants to text the guys I have crushes on and say, "Here's the deal. I like you, and I'm in the market for someone to date would you like to experience some quality dating with me?"

But I know that if someone wanted that, they'd already have said something right?

I don't know. See my problem is I tend to like the loners, or the confirmed old bachelors, or the people who live too far away. And the loners, and the confirmed old bachelors, and the people who live too far away aren't going to one day decide that they want to be tied down, or give up their free-wheeling single life, or move closer to be with me... I'm awesome, but I'm not Moses. I can't perform miracles. I know asking someone to be something they're not is futile, and that's the whole thing.

I don't want to change them. I like them like they are.

 I like that SexyFace likes his personal space, because I like my personal space, and I totally respect that. I like that his loner lifestyle has gotten him where he is, because he's successful being him, and I like that.

I love that Bartender is this confirmed old bachelor living life like he's 21 again. I love that about him because I know that he's on my level with a lot of things, but he's experienced and has a grasp on what's important in life - living how you want to live. I think it's great!

And I think that ManMe's desire to follow his passions in the faraway lands of Far-away-dom is absolutely awesome. I wouldn't want him to change that for the world. (O.k. maybe a little bit) But there's no guarantee that if he did move closer that anything grand would happen anyway. It could just be a passing fancy.

That's my deal. I like people for being who they are. I can't change it. I don't want to change it. I know that people are different and exciting and no two people are the exact same, and I crush the guys I crush because I know that. I adore them individually for who they are, not who I want them to be.

So with that said, I'm exhausted trying to learn new exciting facts about people that just want to know small exciting facts about me. I'm tired of the "blind date" approach. I'm tired of chasing and pursuing and struggling to sound excited about every new prospect that knocks on my door.

I might not KNOW where all the good men have gone, but hopefully in their journey to wherever they go one of them might find me along the way.

So I posted all of that just to say - I'm going to sit on my ass and just be me. I'm going to step back and take a little breath and enjoy life. Enjoy the fact that I have awesome friends and a great family and just take time that I normally spend giving low scores in quickmatch via the OkCupid and work on being me. Because I like me.

And I'll never be one of those girls that gets excited for tulle and tutus. I'll never be one of those girls whose sole purpose in life is to be a size 0 - my love of food outweighs my slight desire to be a size 6 again. I'll never be one of those girls who looks absolutely adorably cute in every single one of their photos. I'll never be one of those girls who doesn't tell you that you have spinach in your teeth.

That's just not who I am.
I'm a gun-toting, straight-talking, kind-of-shy, self-confident lady who may or may not have to sleep with a night guard because I have ground my teeth into a serious case of some TMJ, and who likes to host dinner parties because I like sharing my cooking abilities with people I care about.

And maybe since I like people for the way they are and who they are and what they are, someone will come along one day and like me for me, without me having to go on a frickin' safari in the dating savannah to find him.

My Ultimate Crush

It was a night like any other night in DC. I didn't want to be out at all, to be honest. My life was in shambles - nothing was going my way. To top it off, the air was humid from a heavy rain storm, and fancy people were milling in the streets outside of clubs and bars - not the normal slumming it group that I like to hang out with, but you win some - you lose some, and I had a party to attend.

I was out for JG's Birthday with Sam and some other friends at the ____. Sam and I were trolling for sexy men around the bar and failing to find the ones we wanted, when out of the corner of my eye - there he is.

My heart stopped. My breath caught. My mouth gaping wide open - fly's zooming in for the kill.

There was Goal.

Goal went to my college. Goal is exactly my type, which makes him so dangerous. Goal is the one that one guy... that one guy that actually got away.

I grabbed Sam's arm quicker than a frog latching onto a fly, pulling her towards me at the speed of light - the guys immediately around us laughing at Sam's shocked demeanor.

"There he is! There he is! There he is!"
"Who?"
"That guy! That guy right there! Omigod! Omigod! The man I've had a crush on for 5 years! Seriously have been crushing on him FOR.EV.ER"
"eh, he's with that girl."

Wrong. He was not. The girl wanted nothing to do with his piercing eyes and beautiful smile, and she walked away. Dumb Biddie - doesn't know what she's missing.

Right then a big smiling lug of handsome walked up, aka Hoss, and we turned our attention to him, giving him a hug, showing our love of him and all things Hoss, but when I look up Goal has disappeared.

Mental thought -"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."

I tap Sam on the shoulder and let her know, "I'm going to the bathroom" aka 'finding Goal.' She nods and makes to follow me..

As we slide through the crowded floor I feel someone grab me and shout over the pulsing music, "Hey, did you go to AU?"

When I turned around, I am standing face to face with a grinning Goal.
Then I almost died.
Then I almost fainted.
Then all I wanted to do was give him a hug and congratulate him on taking the one step I never could - talking to each other.

We started talking, and God, it flowed so easily. It was perfect, and he was trying to impress me - puffing up his peacock feathers, touching my arm, blocking other guys from talking to me with his body language, buying my friends drinks, laughing at my horrible jokes, and playing every card right in the let-me-show-you-that-I-can-take-care-of-you-game (Seriously some guy slammed into me, and by having Goal just glare at the guy - he came back and apologized).

The phrase "in heaven" doesn't even begin to describe how excited I was to talk to the one guy in college I never got the nerve up to talk to aside from the very frequent conversation of - "can I see your ID? Oh it's you, you're fine..." (in more ways than one).

Then my friends went to the dance floor, and I looked longingly after them - wanting to get my funk on.

"Wanna go dance with your friends?"
"Yeah I kind of do."
"Lead the way."

MELT. Readers - I melted into a puddle of happy goo. (Gross description - seriously how I was feeling).

As the beat guided our awkward dance movements, he pulled me close, "you're the one girl in college that I have always regretted not talking to."
"No way."
"Seriously, I used to go through the wrong dorm to see you. I had 20 bottles of coke in my fridge at any given time from visiting the vending machines next to the desk to see if you were working."



Yes. Destino on the Dance floor.

Cut to - 5 a.m.
Cut to - laughing our asses off over the fact we both have these massive crushes on each other and never capitalized.
Cut to - breakfast.
Cut to - unknown.

What happens now?

I honestly don't know, but after picking up a clearly very. lucky. penny. outside of the W 30-minutes before I saw him at _____, you can't even imagine how excited I am to see where this goes, but if it doesn't go anywhere I wont be heartbroken, because just wow - five years to find out my crush was everything I expected him to be and more - it's really all a girl could ask for.... And now, I'm thrilled to officially say I have no regrets in my life, because not talking to him has always been the one thing I regretted about college.

The Addiction

Shit.

Feelings.

Emotions.

Nervousness.



I haven't had a really intense crush in a while. The rush of adrenaline pounding through my veins, shaking my sweating hands (nice visual - I know) literally has not been felt by me in nearly 2 years. Mostly because either I know that it's not going to happen, or I'm not crazy about the guy I'm dating, which is why they seldom last more than a couple of dates, but here I am with my sweaty palms wondering if he's wondering about me, while I try for the 100th time to buckle down and rewrite this damn script by Blahblidiblah, which is subpar at best now that I've reread it for the 200th time (some people just shouldn't write Romantic Comedies, like the person who originally wrote this one).

I keep telling myself, stop texting him first, stop iming him first, stop it. Stop it. STOP IT! But then I think, but what if he doesn't know I like him.

Because that is possible, right? No.

They always know I like them. I've never been good at hiding that shit. Poor kid that sat in front of me during Texas History in 8th grade probably thought I was a drooling lunatic, that's how bad it is. And now, I'm pretty sure the drooling has just turned into eye fucking and excessive smiling, which may or may not be creepier than the drooling.

And I can't really find a way to counteract the effects of the crush, because I've looked it up and according to this article in Women's Health, my newly acquired rush is a result of surging levels of dopamine, which are driving me absolutely crazy. And I have no way to counteract the dopamine... or do I?

According to other various articles, the only thing that can reduce this new found stress of increased dopamine surging through me is a lovely chemical called - oxytocin, which is created naturally when you hold someone's hand, or hug someone, or cuddle, which sounds nice and cute and cuddly-awesome. Except for the fact that my crush is not within cuddling distance...

So I'm jonesing for human contact.

If you think about it, it's horribly interesting that the human body recognizes that increased chemicals rushing through your body is abnormal and realizes the solution, much to my chagrin. It's like when out of nowhere you're hit with a huge thirst. It's your body's way of saying, "YO, I'm 70% water, and you haven't had liquids in a while - DRINK SOMETHING." OR like when you play a hockey game and afterwards your body's energy source is completely depleted, so you have to go out and eat protein to replenish your body's stores.

But seriously my body knows that the increased chemicals need to be evened out even if it doesn't care where it gets its next hit. I recognize that grabbing a random person and nuzzling into their neck is wrong, but my body not so much.

I was on the metro last weekend minding my own business, when I got a text from the Crush. It was a normal text, nothing exciting, but the next thing I know, I'm looking around trying to figure out which person would be my new cuddle friend. This is when I realized that being in public transport, ie, an all you can cuddle buffet was probably not the best place for me with my cravings.

Most people crave chocolate, alcohol, italian food, but currently I am craving human touch, so if a random girl runs up to you in DC and gives you a big frickin' hug... It's me. I've had my shots, and to my knowledge only my laughter is infectious.