You’re not interested, but they are.
How do we deal?
Well there’s multiple ways that you can let someone know that you do not find them attractive, however, beware, because you might find later in life that they become attractive the more you get to know them. It’s because of this fact that It’s important to let them down gently. Don’t yell it in a crowded room and for heaven sakes don’t tell them that you find them disgusting. Society dictates that we remain civil in the face of adversity, and this my friend is adversity.
So as always there are a couple options.
One: Don’t do anything. Reap the benefits of what they sow, i.e. intentionally don’t tell them the truth so that they will still fawn over you and buy you things.
- To be perfectly honest this is the most low down despicable thing that you can do, because you continue to lead someone on, and they begin to believe that eventually one day you two will be together when you know for a fact, it is not to be. This also just prolongs the inevitable that one day they’ll find you embraced in the arms of another, and you’ll lose a potential friend or potentially get decked in a bar.
- This borders on somewhat passive-aggressive. Why? Because you’re aggressively laying out that you have no interest in them in a passive manner. You might disagree with me and say that this is letting them down gently, but their feelings are still going to be crushed when you sit there gushing about your new squeeze, and there’s really no polite way for them to vacate the conversation aside from excusing themselves to the bathroom where they will be spending the next 20 minutes crying.
Telling them over coffee, dinner, etc...
- You really want them to spend money on you? This is too similar to option one. How dirty can you be. Unless you plan and actually pay for your half of this adventure, then there’s no way that you can come out of this situation with a clean conscience. You might say, but this is best. They’re finding out in a public place where they can’t lash out against you, but think about it for a minute. You just told the person who’s crushing on you that you don’t find them attractive out in front of the entire world... or the entire Starbucks. Not only will they feel shamed in front of the establishment, but now they feel embarrassed in front of you, because they were interesting in sharing their life with you and you’re not having it.
Letting them know right before you part ways. As in, you’ve just spent an hour hanging out and now you’re about to leave.
- This doesn’t work if you’ve just spent an entire day hanging out running around the National Mall visiting monuments. However, if the two of you have just spent a brief amount of time together, and you’re parting ways then I believe this to be the best method. Confront me if I’m wrong, but this method allows you to kindly let them know that you had a great time hanging out with them as a friend, but that you aren’t interested in anything more than their friendship. Just don’t lie to them and say bullshit like, “I’m not interested in a relationship right now,” only to have them find out you’re dating someone the week later.