So recently I had an overtly long stay in Texas... and by long I mean I wasn't expecting to be there for more than 3 days, so I didn't prepare myself mentally for the week long extravaganza of no flirting with men. (And before you say, "Texas is full of men!" I come from a town of 1160, so no... there are no men there).
I just about shriveled and died by the last night there. I began to feel my insides getting older and the skin on my face sagging into puddles of unhappiness.
Which meant it was time to get my flirtext on.
Flirtexting is the act of flirtatiously bantering and swapping wit and emoticons back and forth through text messages. This is not to be confused with Sexting which is sexual flirtation. Flirtexting can serve as a spring board into sexting, but it does not include anything overtly sexual. It's the PG/ Disney version.
So began the hunt. I seriously think the song, "Hungry like the Wolf" accurately describes how I was feeling.
But no one was having any.
I tried a guy I'm dating. He was no help. Just lame updates on the fun I could be having in DC. This included drinking with my chika, flitting by my Favorite bar, and dancing the night away. All things I could NOT do in Bumblebutt Texas.
So, I'm sitting on my parent's couch, bored off my mind, when I think... ooooh facebook!
I post my desire, I need to flirtext and nearly immediately Man has posted. YES. Gonna get my Flirtext on! It's gonna be good!
So I tried Man, but he's no help either. All I got was one L-i-c-k.... That's all the message said.... A LICK? YOU"RE LICKING ME? ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?! One "lick?" That's worse than no response at all, it's the worst kind of tease imaginable, it's a promise with no follow through. It's a hope with no star to cling on, and slowly the desperation in my voice is grows stronger....
So then I tried the old tried and true Kryptonite, which ended with a fizzle before it even started.
Then, ExNumber512 tried to convince me to flirtext with a long list of people which may or may not have included him. NO. Not Happening.
As my want began to grow stronger I realized I was turning into one of those desperate women who cling to the last vestiges of sanity by digging themselves into a hole and falling into it, only to cry out with their last breath for help, which never comes. I became the Juliet of Flirtexting. I was about to plunge the dagger into my pulsing heart.
If only. If only my future had a lifeline... OkCupid. YES. There's always people on there looking to chit chat and meet people and after the one time I got asked for a threesome (2 males - 1 girl) I knew that someone would be prowling for a few flirtatious messages. I didn't need to tell him he didn't stand a chance.
But I can successfully tell you that no one is prowling OkC at 11 pm on a Friday night... aside from me. And the creepy 60 year old men looking for a "girl to spoil." Urm... No.
So there I was looking and hoping with no outlet for all the flirt stored in me after a week of no vessel to toss it in... So I wrote down some rules for successful Flirtexting and that's what you're getting. And truly isn't that better anyway?
LoRo's Flirtexting Rules to Live By
1. Keep it short. The fun of witty banter isn't a lengthy story. It's short, back and forth rapid wit slinging back and forth like girls wrestling in a tub of jello.
2. Keep it fast. This is not for the people who only text every hour. This is for the RAPID exchange of flirting. You wouldn't go to a bar and start flirting with a guy by saying a fun witty thing... walking away.... and then coming back an hour later over and over again, would you?
3. Emoticons are a necessary evil. I know some people hate them, but if you're saying something sassy, you need the stupid :-P face in order to show jest instead of snark.
4. Laughing is encouraged. LOLs and HAHAs and LMFAOs and ROTFL are pretty much required in order to show the partner flirtexter that you're enjoying the exchange.
5. Embrace texting short hand. You know it. Embrace it.
6. If you're slowly moving the Flirtexting to "deeper water" if you know what I mean, make sure both parties are comfortable with the switch. Flirtexting is fun for almost everyone. Sexting can get you into trouble depending on the other person's desires.