A month later, Can-Can Boy was back - in full force, flirting and texting late at night, and asking me all about my life, and what I'd been doing with my life, and who I'm hanging out with, and why my best friend defriended him on facebook (cause you're an asshat, dumbshit).
About a week after she defriended him, I sent him a message letting him know I couldn't look at his face or facebook anymore, and since he wasn't all too fond of who I was becoming... that I was defriending him.
He didn't like that. He was actually really pissed off about it.
Well I had moved on, since clearly he had, and I felt the need to tell him.
Lucky for me I was dating a really smoking guy at the time. Group 3 People, Group 3. And I felt the need to divulge every lovely detail to Can-Can Boy. Sent him a picture via text of this guy, and if he even texted to see what was going on, I'd bring up New Guy. Bitter, why yes, that was the least of it. Grudge is actually my middle name.
New Guy was absolutely great if you're into the long distance/see you on the weekends kind of thing, but I realized something about 2 months in... I was dating him in order to wave my happy little relationship in Can-Can Boys face. He might have been gorgeous, but I wasn't all that 100% into him, and I just got out of the long distance thing a few months before and where most people would drool over him, all I wanted to do was find someone who could be there for me.
A few weeks after the break up, Can-Can Boy asked why I never brought up New Guy anymore, dumbly, I told him we broke up.
Can-Can Boy never really left me alone for more than 2 weeks after this.
And he had a 6th sense of when he could find me at my most vulnerable moments.
A relationship ends - guess who texts me consistently not 30 minutes afterwards.
I fail epically at a job interview - guess who texts me.
I hit a depth of despair - guess who texts me.
Someone dies - guess who texts me.
It's not like we were friends on facebook. He couldn't see all of this going down. Because after he got the new girlfriend (the blonde girl who kept popping up in pictures while we were "exclusive"). I blocked him. I didn't want to see him, and I didn't want him to see me.
-------
I tried to move on with my life.
But when the last person you loved just slammed the door in your face against your "kind of love" and potentially cheated when you have trust issues already, it's hard to let anyone else in again.
The emotional scars lasted for two-fucking-years. Every guy I dated afterwards could see them, like a fucking beacon shouting, "NOT LETTING YOU IN, TRY AGAIN!"
And then it got worse. Somewhere in my vulnerability, I started letting Can-Can Boy back in, again. What started off as, "let's just be friends" turned into one of the most fucked-up series of late-night sexts and emotional outpourings, which no one I know has even been able to match.
Every single weekend for nearly a year... he'd pop up, or I'd text him, because if no one else better was around, he was there.
And originally I thought, "he still loves me. He's going to break up with his girlfriend, and we'll get back together. He graduates soon!"
Nope.
Somewhere in the midst of all of these late night texts he was sending me, he proposed.... to his girlfriend.
That didn't stop him from still sexting me, while he had a fiance.
I didn't find out about the fiance till a month later, after a month full of texts that should they ever find their way to her computer... would make her eyes bleed.
Who does that? Tiny fucked up men, that's who (I dont mean tiny in the sense that you're thinking, I mean someone who doesn't have the balls to stick with their decisions. Men without honor or dignity or morals).
I tried to to cut it off. I told him he had to stop texting me at night. If he wanted to be friends, we could be friends, but that meant daytime-texts only. None of this late night bullshit anymore. He was engaged to be married. The sanctity of marriage is something I don't mess with. I went out with a married guy, ONCE, and that was because I didn't know he was married until he told me on the date.
But did Can-Can Boy's new engagement stop him? Nope.
What stopped him for a short while was a post on my blog, where I mentioned that maybe his girlfriend would like to see all of those sexts he sent me.
He flipped. He freaked. And he texted me in a panic asking me to delete everything he had sent me.
It hit me like a NHL Defenseman cross checking me into the boards, when I was focusing on the puck.
He had wanted to have me sextually, but he wanted her to have everything else.
That was the hardest part.
--------
From all the scarring, and through all of this... I developed a really unfortunate side-effect.
For the last year and a half, if the need to be serious with someone reared its nasty little head, I would indulge... in guys I can't have. Guys who can't emotionally damage me, because they never get past the gate.
For starters, I am really good at being the other woman.
It evolved from not being able to trust anymore, so why not be with ones I know are completely untrustworthy from the start? At least then I know not to trust them with anything other than my presence.
(1). I do not run around with married guys. That's not my bag of tea, personally, but (2) everyone else is fair game.
At last check I have been in two, 9-month-plus affairs with guys who both have serious girlfriends.
Next, I am a champion of the long distance if-you-were-here-we'd-be-together-thing.
Back before chatroulette got 100% sketch I met some pretty interesting characters... some of who I still talked to on a weekly if not daily basis through Skype. These all turned into phone calls and texting and promises of visits across the country, which I never planned on actually doing.
I did recently shut all these down, because long distance is wrong distance for me, and it just got cruel to lead them around on a string, hoping.
Finally, I didn't invest in just one guy anymore. My heart couldn't afford it. Through the past couple of years, I've dated some really great guys, with great jobs, great aspirations, great dreams, and great personalities, who want to shower me with love and never ending adoration, but I dated them all at the same time in varying levels of seriousness. Because while my heart is over the moon, my head closed them out.
To be honest there were 3 guys who didn't have to share me at the time I dated them, because I honestly liked them... The Masseuse, Dicky MacDickerson, and Mr. Quirky, but if I felt one of them starting to get serious. I would find something to shove in their face and break it off.
Being good at ending things with people is not an admirable quality to have.
------
But I'm done with that. The Friday night before Halloween this year was an ugly, ugly wake-up call. Hoss still asks me if I'm going to have another "episode" whenever I walk into his bar.
Lucky for me, I have some amazing friends, who have smacked me into reality and who really take care of me.
I dont know what Sam texted Can-Can Boy to make him stop texting me finally, but I do know that all those texts he asked me to delete... all those pictures are saved in my old Palm Pre Plus. If he tries anything funny again (Text me again. I dare you)... I've got dated pictures from after he was engaged that can find their way to little miss blondie's computer faster than you can say, "hi."
I know it's low - it's questionable black-mail, and he might have something of mine that I wouldn't like out in the ether, but I'm tired of being used.
Note of warning - only sext people you trust, and you didn't screw over.
I'm tired of looking to the past. The future is the only thing I have left.
The psychic was wrong.
He was the worst thing that happened to me since my first grandmother died in 1999. She was Aunt Billie's sister.
The Saturday night before Halloween was the first moment since Christmas of 2009, where I felt free. It was my night of redemption in more ways than one.
------
I recently started talking to a guy, who's funny and charming and great. I don't know where it's gonna go, but I do know one thing.
He's going to get a chance I didn't give any of the others, since Can-Can Boy.
It's time the walls came down.
Showing posts with label sexting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sexting. Show all posts
Monday, December 5, 2011
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Why I'm Still Single (Part 6)
The new semester started for him a few weeks after mine. He was studying to get a doctorate in blah-bitty-blah. And we had talked about how he wouldn't have as much time to really talk to me in the new semester.
But some how in the first month we found it easy to find time to skype and call. We had endless time on the phone to pick a couple's song, which I still can't listen to without cringing, and we had endless time to talk about why I was so unwilling to let him into my little walled up village I call emotions.
And eventually he broke down the little walled up village and sucked me into him.
It was at this point in time that I felt that I was done.
D.O.N.E.
We'd been friends for almost a year and a half... it wasn't a spur of the moment decision.
I don't let many people past my walls. 1 in 10000 get to see behind my exterior, and for a guy to get past the walls... to have me really let him in, I trusted him so much. I adored him, and I thought that trust and adoration meant I was done. The psychic... she said that he was gonna be good for me!
About a week after I was d-o-n-e, done, he started bringing up his ex-girlfriend. His anger towards her was staggering. We'd talked about her in the past, but never in the present tense... This is when he brought up how he'd been calling her, and I was hurt. I was a little pissed off, and I told him.
He slowly began pulling away, after I confronted him, but he didn't outright say, we're done. I still felt as though we had something and that this was just a rough patch. I thought, "maybe he just needs to get this out of his system."
So I stopped calling, waiting for him to make the move, but if I waited for him to call... I'd wait 3+ days. I started calling again, he'd talk for a few minutes and then leave me with a dial tone as he ran off to study with his study group for some test.
It was a horribly rough semester for me. I was taking 5 grad classes as an undergrad, trying to maintain my 3.7 gpa. I had taken on a second little in my sorority, whom I love dearly, but taking a little is time consuming, as is a sorority in general. I was interning 20 hours at a really great internship downtown. I was getting maybe 3-4 hours of sleep every night, and on top of that, my great aunt was dying, and she had been like a 3rd grandmother to me.
My Aunt Billie used to make me little outfits for my barbies and ty beanie babies. She taught me how to sew pillows, and when I went to visit my mom's mom, she was usually always there. I loved her very dearly. And here I was 1300 miles away and couldn't visit her. I couldn't be there to see her, to hold her hand, to even comfort my family.
I was struggling. Physically, my immune system hates me, and I was getting sick every 3 weeks. Emotionally, it was like being in an emotional blender of constant drama.
On top of all this, Can-Can Boy insisted that 30 minutes of conversation time every 3-4 days was too much for him to manage, but he seemed to be making massive amounts of time for his study group and school chums, including a certain blonde girl who kept popping up in pictures...
So when Aunt Billie died somewhere in the depths of October, I knew that he was busy, but I just needed to talk to him. My roommates were all out. And I desperately needed someone to talk to. To have him comfort me, but when I called him that night, I didn't get a "aww honey, I'm so sorry."
I got a "Why the fuck are you calling me? I have a mid term tomorrow. LoRo, you have no idea what I'm going through right now. I'm studying for a fucking doctorate. I cannot talk to you all the fucking time."
"Ok, I just needed someone to talk to since my aunt just died, but I get that you're busy."
I hung up.
For the next two hours, I couldn't stop the ragged cries.
Can-Can Boy kept calling, but I had no urge to answer and I didn't have the ability to answer. See, I have this thing called the 'pissed off phone throw,' which my friend AJ pointed out - evolved during this semester. So my phone was out of my room and on the floor in the living room because I threw it so far.
EA came in when she got home, and after sitting down on my bed (This was no easy task. My room was a shit show), she took my head in her lap and let me sob.
At some point she left, and I finally picked up one of Can-Can Boy's phone calls (she brought me my phone).
He apologized profusely, but to be honest, I have no idea what he said afterwards. My ears were ringing; my head was pounding, and I could barely open my eyes. I could barely breathe through the snot and panic. He was the least of my problems.
So I hung up.
A few weeks later Can-Can Boy and I were still having these problems with time management. I had been taking a brilliant class with an absolutely brilliant professor who was like me, always busy. He had gotten to a point in his life where he had to schedule appointments with his daughters so that he could see them. He even scheduled wife time.
I thought this sounded like a brilliant plan. Taking the initiative, I brought up my brilliant plan to CCB, but guess what... he wanted no part of it.
"Look, I'm crazy busy right now. I'll have more time for you during Thanksgiving break."
"Like actual skype/phone call time?"
"Yes."
Wrong.
On Thanksgiving day of that year, my non-boyfriend who insisted profusely every day that he loved me... broke up with me.
But for someone who broke up with me... he wouldn't stop texting me. The day after. The day after that. A week after that... I asked him if he thought we were still together and he said yes.
3 weeks after that... He broke up with me again... On Christmas day. My Christmas eve phone call the night before had been, "over the top."
I was really feeling the holiday spirit.
I deleted him from my phone so that I couldn't text him, but guess who couldn't seem to stop texting me.
New Year's Day came and went.
At this point I realized that I had spent my last 2 years of college in relationships, and I had ONE semester left to truly embrace my new-ish sorostitute lifestyle.
I thought "I'm young. I'm not going to get any younger. I'm not going to get any thinner. Why not?"
So I went for it.
To say I jumped in with both feet would be an understatement. I cannonballed into the single life like a bat out of hell.
I don't know if y'all have heard of a slut list or not... best description I can find is here.
But that semester tripled my score. I didn't go jumping every guy that moved, but I sure as shit made out with a Shit Ton of men. At some point in time that semester I agreed to make Molotov Cocktails with a guy, just to ensure a make out afterwards. (No I'm not telling you where we threw them).
But through it all, guess who kept texting.
I told him to stop. I told him I couldn't do it anymore. I told him that he was driving me crazy...
Oh wait.. I skipped a part...
The part where he had a girlfriend (that blonde girl who kept appearing in pictures) in February, an actual-facebook-official girlfriend. When only 2 months prior he told me, he "didn't have time for one." "Didn't have the finances for one." & "was happy with what he had."
Keep in mind January through February he was still texting me. Saying how he missed me, but he couldn't "love me how I wanted to be loved."
Stopped me looking at grad schools in Canballia real quick.
I can't prove that he cheated on our 'emotional relationship.' But to me it seemed so fishy. So fishy, and I really didn't have any reason to doubt him. I had nothing to say, "AHA! LOOK I FOUND YOU!" I had always trusted him, explicitly. Yes I was jealous of the girl in the picture, but I was jealous of everyone in the friggin' pictures that got to hang out with him when I couldn't.
What friggin' pictures? The ones he kept posting on facebook.
But no longer was that my problem.
I wish that this is the point where the story ended, but it's not.
One night after an influx of more texts than I could bear, I told him to stop and only text me or call me when he graduated and had actual time to give me.
But some how in the first month we found it easy to find time to skype and call. We had endless time on the phone to pick a couple's song, which I still can't listen to without cringing, and we had endless time to talk about why I was so unwilling to let him into my little walled up village I call emotions.
And eventually he broke down the little walled up village and sucked me into him.
It was at this point in time that I felt that I was done.
D.O.N.E.
We'd been friends for almost a year and a half... it wasn't a spur of the moment decision.
I don't let many people past my walls. 1 in 10000 get to see behind my exterior, and for a guy to get past the walls... to have me really let him in, I trusted him so much. I adored him, and I thought that trust and adoration meant I was done. The psychic... she said that he was gonna be good for me!
About a week after I was d-o-n-e, done, he started bringing up his ex-girlfriend. His anger towards her was staggering. We'd talked about her in the past, but never in the present tense... This is when he brought up how he'd been calling her, and I was hurt. I was a little pissed off, and I told him.
He slowly began pulling away, after I confronted him, but he didn't outright say, we're done. I still felt as though we had something and that this was just a rough patch. I thought, "maybe he just needs to get this out of his system."
So I stopped calling, waiting for him to make the move, but if I waited for him to call... I'd wait 3+ days. I started calling again, he'd talk for a few minutes and then leave me with a dial tone as he ran off to study with his study group for some test.
It was a horribly rough semester for me. I was taking 5 grad classes as an undergrad, trying to maintain my 3.7 gpa. I had taken on a second little in my sorority, whom I love dearly, but taking a little is time consuming, as is a sorority in general. I was interning 20 hours at a really great internship downtown. I was getting maybe 3-4 hours of sleep every night, and on top of that, my great aunt was dying, and she had been like a 3rd grandmother to me.
My Aunt Billie used to make me little outfits for my barbies and ty beanie babies. She taught me how to sew pillows, and when I went to visit my mom's mom, she was usually always there. I loved her very dearly. And here I was 1300 miles away and couldn't visit her. I couldn't be there to see her, to hold her hand, to even comfort my family.
I was struggling. Physically, my immune system hates me, and I was getting sick every 3 weeks. Emotionally, it was like being in an emotional blender of constant drama.
On top of all this, Can-Can Boy insisted that 30 minutes of conversation time every 3-4 days was too much for him to manage, but he seemed to be making massive amounts of time for his study group and school chums, including a certain blonde girl who kept popping up in pictures...
So when Aunt Billie died somewhere in the depths of October, I knew that he was busy, but I just needed to talk to him. My roommates were all out. And I desperately needed someone to talk to. To have him comfort me, but when I called him that night, I didn't get a "aww honey, I'm so sorry."
I got a "Why the fuck are you calling me? I have a mid term tomorrow. LoRo, you have no idea what I'm going through right now. I'm studying for a fucking doctorate. I cannot talk to you all the fucking time."
"Ok, I just needed someone to talk to since my aunt just died, but I get that you're busy."
I hung up.
For the next two hours, I couldn't stop the ragged cries.
Can-Can Boy kept calling, but I had no urge to answer and I didn't have the ability to answer. See, I have this thing called the 'pissed off phone throw,' which my friend AJ pointed out - evolved during this semester. So my phone was out of my room and on the floor in the living room because I threw it so far.
EA came in when she got home, and after sitting down on my bed (This was no easy task. My room was a shit show), she took my head in her lap and let me sob.
At some point she left, and I finally picked up one of Can-Can Boy's phone calls (she brought me my phone).
He apologized profusely, but to be honest, I have no idea what he said afterwards. My ears were ringing; my head was pounding, and I could barely open my eyes. I could barely breathe through the snot and panic. He was the least of my problems.
So I hung up.
A few weeks later Can-Can Boy and I were still having these problems with time management. I had been taking a brilliant class with an absolutely brilliant professor who was like me, always busy. He had gotten to a point in his life where he had to schedule appointments with his daughters so that he could see them. He even scheduled wife time.
I thought this sounded like a brilliant plan. Taking the initiative, I brought up my brilliant plan to CCB, but guess what... he wanted no part of it.
"Look, I'm crazy busy right now. I'll have more time for you during Thanksgiving break."
"Like actual skype/phone call time?"
"Yes."
Wrong.
On Thanksgiving day of that year, my non-boyfriend who insisted profusely every day that he loved me... broke up with me.
But for someone who broke up with me... he wouldn't stop texting me. The day after. The day after that. A week after that... I asked him if he thought we were still together and he said yes.
3 weeks after that... He broke up with me again... On Christmas day. My Christmas eve phone call the night before had been, "over the top."
I was really feeling the holiday spirit.
I deleted him from my phone so that I couldn't text him, but guess who couldn't seem to stop texting me.
New Year's Day came and went.
At this point I realized that I had spent my last 2 years of college in relationships, and I had ONE semester left to truly embrace my new-ish sorostitute lifestyle.
I thought "I'm young. I'm not going to get any younger. I'm not going to get any thinner. Why not?"
So I went for it.
To say I jumped in with both feet would be an understatement. I cannonballed into the single life like a bat out of hell.
I don't know if y'all have heard of a slut list or not... best description I can find is here.
But that semester tripled my score. I didn't go jumping every guy that moved, but I sure as shit made out with a Shit Ton of men. At some point in time that semester I agreed to make Molotov Cocktails with a guy, just to ensure a make out afterwards. (No I'm not telling you where we threw them).
But through it all, guess who kept texting.
I told him to stop. I told him I couldn't do it anymore. I told him that he was driving me crazy...
Oh wait.. I skipped a part...
The part where he had a girlfriend (that blonde girl who kept appearing in pictures) in February, an actual-facebook-official girlfriend. When only 2 months prior he told me, he "didn't have time for one." "Didn't have the finances for one." & "was happy with what he had."
Keep in mind January through February he was still texting me. Saying how he missed me, but he couldn't "love me how I wanted to be loved."
Stopped me looking at grad schools in Canballia real quick.
I can't prove that he cheated on our 'emotional relationship.' But to me it seemed so fishy. So fishy, and I really didn't have any reason to doubt him. I had nothing to say, "AHA! LOOK I FOUND YOU!" I had always trusted him, explicitly. Yes I was jealous of the girl in the picture, but I was jealous of everyone in the friggin' pictures that got to hang out with him when I couldn't.
What friggin' pictures? The ones he kept posting on facebook.
But no longer was that my problem.
I wish that this is the point where the story ended, but it's not.
One night after an influx of more texts than I could bear, I told him to stop and only text me or call me when he graduated and had actual time to give me.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Flirtext
So recently I had an overtly long stay in Texas... and by long I mean I wasn't expecting to be there for more than 3 days, so I didn't prepare myself mentally for the week long extravaganza of no flirting with men. (And before you say, "Texas is full of men!" I come from a town of 1160, so no... there are no men there).
I just about shriveled and died by the last night there. I began to feel my insides getting older and the skin on my face sagging into puddles of unhappiness.
Which meant it was time to get my flirtext on.
Flirtexting is the act of flirtatiously bantering and swapping wit and emoticons back and forth through text messages. This is not to be confused with Sexting which is sexual flirtation. Flirtexting can serve as a spring board into sexting, but it does not include anything overtly sexual. It's the PG/ Disney version.
So began the hunt. I seriously think the song, "Hungry like the Wolf" accurately describes how I was feeling.
But no one was having any.
I tried a guy I'm dating. He was no help. Just lame updates on the fun I could be having in DC. This included drinking with my chika, flitting by my Favorite bar, and dancing the night away. All things I could NOT do in Bumblebutt Texas.
So, I'm sitting on my parent's couch, bored off my mind, when I think... ooooh facebook!
I post my desire, I need to flirtext and nearly immediately Man has posted. YES. Gonna get my Flirtext on! It's gonna be good!
So I tried Man, but he's no help either. All I got was one L-i-c-k.... That's all the message said.... A LICK? YOU"RE LICKING ME? ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?! One "lick?" That's worse than no response at all, it's the worst kind of tease imaginable, it's a promise with no follow through. It's a hope with no star to cling on, and slowly the desperation in my voice is grows stronger....
So then I tried the old tried and true Kryptonite, which ended with a fizzle before it even started.
Then, ExNumber512 tried to convince me to flirtext with a long list of people which may or may not have included him. NO. Not Happening.
As my want began to grow stronger I realized I was turning into one of those desperate women who cling to the last vestiges of sanity by digging themselves into a hole and falling into it, only to cry out with their last breath for help, which never comes. I became the Juliet of Flirtexting. I was about to plunge the dagger into my pulsing heart.
If only. If only my future had a lifeline... OkCupid. YES. There's always people on there looking to chit chat and meet people and after the one time I got asked for a threesome (2 males - 1 girl) I knew that someone would be prowling for a few flirtatious messages. I didn't need to tell him he didn't stand a chance.
But I can successfully tell you that no one is prowling OkC at 11 pm on a Friday night... aside from me. And the creepy 60 year old men looking for a "girl to spoil." Urm... No.
So there I was looking and hoping with no outlet for all the flirt stored in me after a week of no vessel to toss it in... So I wrote down some rules for successful Flirtexting and that's what you're getting. And truly isn't that better anyway?
LoRo's Flirtexting Rules to Live By
1. Keep it short. The fun of witty banter isn't a lengthy story. It's short, back and forth rapid wit slinging back and forth like girls wrestling in a tub of jello.
2. Keep it fast. This is not for the people who only text every hour. This is for the RAPID exchange of flirting. You wouldn't go to a bar and start flirting with a guy by saying a fun witty thing... walking away.... and then coming back an hour later over and over again, would you?
3. Emoticons are a necessary evil. I know some people hate them, but if you're saying something sassy, you need the stupid :-P face in order to show jest instead of snark.
4. Laughing is encouraged. LOLs and HAHAs and LMFAOs and ROTFL are pretty much required in order to show the partner flirtexter that you're enjoying the exchange.
5. Embrace texting short hand. You know it. Embrace it.
6. If you're slowly moving the Flirtexting to "deeper water" if you know what I mean, make sure both parties are comfortable with the switch. Flirtexting is fun for almost everyone. Sexting can get you into trouble depending on the other person's desires.
I just about shriveled and died by the last night there. I began to feel my insides getting older and the skin on my face sagging into puddles of unhappiness.
Which meant it was time to get my flirtext on.
Flirtexting is the act of flirtatiously bantering and swapping wit and emoticons back and forth through text messages. This is not to be confused with Sexting which is sexual flirtation. Flirtexting can serve as a spring board into sexting, but it does not include anything overtly sexual. It's the PG/ Disney version.
So began the hunt. I seriously think the song, "Hungry like the Wolf" accurately describes how I was feeling.
But no one was having any.
I tried a guy I'm dating. He was no help. Just lame updates on the fun I could be having in DC. This included drinking with my chika, flitting by my Favorite bar, and dancing the night away. All things I could NOT do in Bumblebutt Texas.
So, I'm sitting on my parent's couch, bored off my mind, when I think... ooooh facebook!
I post my desire, I need to flirtext and nearly immediately Man has posted. YES. Gonna get my Flirtext on! It's gonna be good!
So I tried Man, but he's no help either. All I got was one L-i-c-k.... That's all the message said.... A LICK? YOU"RE LICKING ME? ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?! One "lick?" That's worse than no response at all, it's the worst kind of tease imaginable, it's a promise with no follow through. It's a hope with no star to cling on, and slowly the desperation in my voice is grows stronger....
So then I tried the old tried and true Kryptonite, which ended with a fizzle before it even started.
Then, ExNumber512 tried to convince me to flirtext with a long list of people which may or may not have included him. NO. Not Happening.
As my want began to grow stronger I realized I was turning into one of those desperate women who cling to the last vestiges of sanity by digging themselves into a hole and falling into it, only to cry out with their last breath for help, which never comes. I became the Juliet of Flirtexting. I was about to plunge the dagger into my pulsing heart.
If only. If only my future had a lifeline... OkCupid. YES. There's always people on there looking to chit chat and meet people and after the one time I got asked for a threesome (2 males - 1 girl) I knew that someone would be prowling for a few flirtatious messages. I didn't need to tell him he didn't stand a chance.
But I can successfully tell you that no one is prowling OkC at 11 pm on a Friday night... aside from me. And the creepy 60 year old men looking for a "girl to spoil." Urm... No.
So there I was looking and hoping with no outlet for all the flirt stored in me after a week of no vessel to toss it in... So I wrote down some rules for successful Flirtexting and that's what you're getting. And truly isn't that better anyway?
LoRo's Flirtexting Rules to Live By
1. Keep it short. The fun of witty banter isn't a lengthy story. It's short, back and forth rapid wit slinging back and forth like girls wrestling in a tub of jello.
2. Keep it fast. This is not for the people who only text every hour. This is for the RAPID exchange of flirting. You wouldn't go to a bar and start flirting with a guy by saying a fun witty thing... walking away.... and then coming back an hour later over and over again, would you?
3. Emoticons are a necessary evil. I know some people hate them, but if you're saying something sassy, you need the stupid :-P face in order to show jest instead of snark.
4. Laughing is encouraged. LOLs and HAHAs and LMFAOs and ROTFL are pretty much required in order to show the partner flirtexter that you're enjoying the exchange.
5. Embrace texting short hand. You know it. Embrace it.
6. If you're slowly moving the Flirtexting to "deeper water" if you know what I mean, make sure both parties are comfortable with the switch. Flirtexting is fun for almost everyone. Sexting can get you into trouble depending on the other person's desires.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Advice on Drunk Dialing Lovers
Lately as the year goes on, I've heard from many of my female friends that they all seem to be having the same issue. Men will only text them when they're 1.Drunk, 2. High, or 3. Looking for Some, which technically is a part of 1 and 2.
While I know that getting a man can be difficult there are certain self evident truths that are indelible in our search for the perfect man. We women and men, should not have to feel degraded by a drunk text. We need to realize that this is a part of life and it is bound to happen. If it occurs every now and then in concurrence with sober texting and calling, then you have nothing to worry about, clearly there is some affection during times of sobriety, but should these texts pop up only during the numbered items up top, then you need to realize that he or she thinks of you in only a physical or flippant manner. Someone who really likes you will make the effort to communicate when their minds are not impaired. If someone never makes that effort then you have the utmost right to call him or her out on it in order to stand up for your rights as a human who deserves to be respected.
So, if what you want from a relationship is long term lovey-dovey type things, then you should stay away, but if you want to be in a relationship, which is essentially physical and sexy and fun, then you should continue to engage with the drunk/high/sexually frustrated men/women.
But with that said then don't expect anything other than physicality. If it leads to something more, that's great, but that is normally the exception, not the rule.
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