5 Common Texting Mistakes in Dating

I am all about the text messages. I've said it time and time again, if you want to contact me and get an answer in a reasonable amount of time. Text me. I love it. It's quick, nearly instantaneous and keeps a certain amount of pressure off both parties communicating.

With that being said, there are a lot of people out there in the dating-sphere who are doing it WRONG.

If they're sent to someone you want to date, texts should be fun, engaging, inquisitive, and always concise.

I could care less what you text your best friend Sally, but if you're looking to keep someone engaged in texting with you and talking with you and dating you, then you need to know that what you're texting could be jeopardizing your dating relationships. This is not a guide to texting your friends... this is a guide on how/how not to text people you're dating.

The following list of the Five Common Texting Mistakes in Dating are issues that I have seen time and time again, in my own dating life and in the dating lives of others. These aren't fairy tale mistakes, these are dating-trenches issues.

Hopefully you haven't done them, but if you have, now you know that you could be the one sabotaging your dating life.


1. Not Asking Questions 
If you're trying to engage someone in a little textual banter, then the quickest way to ensure that the person on the other end of the phone understands that you're interested in them and interested in the conversation, is to ask questions.

Keep in mind that this texting conversation is not a date. It's a supplement to the date that you have had or will have.

If you ask questions, most people read them and want to respond. And in most responses you will get a question asked back, and then you'll ask a question, and then they'll ask a question, etc...

This propagates the flow of conversation and you'll learn something about the person you're dating in the meanwhile.


2. Texting too Often/ Not Quitting While You're Ahead
This mistake goes hand in hand with mistake number 3. I can't tell you how many times I get someone who wants to text me every hour they're awake.

If I'm madly in love with you that's one thing, but if we're still in the fledgling stages of dating, I'm not interested in you texting me ever 20 minutes of the day. In fact, most of those texts that you're sending every 20 minutes are pointless, because there is only so many ways to tell you that I'm editing something. Or that I'm on lunch.

If we've been on three dates, I dont need to know that your lunch was delicious or that you have a piece of spinach caught in your teeth, ESPECIALLY THROUGH TEXT. Granted if you're dating long distance this might be relevant, but if I plan on seeing you for dinner tonight, I dont need to you regale me with your day as it's happening, because you can tell me at dinner.

I once met this guy on the internet who we're going to call PsychoPants, and he and I had a great online conversation, and we were planning to go out on a date, so I gave him my number.

WORST. MISTAKE. OF. MY. LIFE.

Seriously. Within 48 hours of giving this guy my number, he had essentially texted me over 300 times. Only 1% of those texts had to deal with the date.

He fucking kamikazed the opportunity to date me, because he didn't quit while he was ahead.

Granted it was great for me, because I found out within 48 hours that I didn't want to get within 200 miles of this PsychoPants, because he'd probably never leave me alone, but had he texted me to set up the date and then stopped - we would have gone out. He would have had the opportunity to actually talk to me, instead of the barrage of textsanity that occurred.

And had he not texted me every 5 minutes for the next 4 weeks after I told him it wasn't going to work out, I wouldn't have given him the name PsychoPants.

Yes, this might be a really intense version of what I'm telling you is a mistake, but to him that was normal. To you texting every hour might be normal, or every time you sit down to eat food might be normal, or every time you go to the restroom.

I don't know, but I do know that texting too often is the quickest way to the dating chopping block because there's a fine balance between interest and clingy. Make sure you find out what it is, and STICK TO IT.


3. Texting Without a Purpose
Too often one of my friends will get a text from a guy, which says nothing. It'll say, "Ugh bored at work" or "Can't believe these metro delays."

Well that's nice, but how do you respond to that if you're neither bored at work or taking the metro. With a "yeah work sucks" or a "yeah the metro is always delayed?"

These texts without a purpose might also drive the person you're trying to woo crazy.

Let's assume that everyone is busy. Right?
Let's assume that the person you like is at work swamped with a shit ton to do.
Now let's assume that you keep sending these texts every one or two hours and then they feel obligated to respond, but because you're busy or waiting on the metro, you're more likely to respond back, then they feel obligated to respond back and then you text back, and then they don't.

Now you start to wonder... OMG... do they still like me? Why aren't they responding? Did something happen? Are they dead? Did they find someone else?

You might think I'm over-exaggerating, but I'm not. This will actually go through some people's minds.  And then you're sabotaging your blossoming relationship, because they're not responding, and it's freaking you out, but in truth you're the one that started a pointless texting conversation. See mistakes 4 and 5 to reiterate the fact that while texts are a great place for flirty banter, not using them to launch into something more is due to a lack of using technology to the best of it's abilities.


4. The Hi Text
I have discoursed on this topic before. If you are trying to get someone to be interested in seeing you on a romantic level or attempting to continue the romantic spark you know you have, then sending someone a text with

"Hi"

and nothing else, is as ANNOYING as a bad bartender.

A "Hi" text gives the recipient nothing to respond to, because they don't know the context. Are you saying, "hi," because you want to see them, or do you want to know what they're doing, or do you know that they posted a blog post about you?

It's unacceptable to just send a "Hi," because in a text a, "hi" means nothing.

Acceptable "hi" texts aren't made up of one word. If you're thinking about someone then tell them.

For example you could say, "Hey just wanted to see how you were doing after the st paddy's day craziness"

Or you could say, "Heya, I just ran across that little book store you were telling me about, you were right, really cute!"

Or you could say, "I just read the most remarkable article I think you would enjoy."

As long as it's poignant to the person receiving the text, you can say whatever you want, because while a "hi" text might say I'm thinking about you, a "I just found out that there's a new pizza place opening up that you would like, we should go" text says a whole lot more.


5. Not Using Texts as a Jumping Board
How many times have you stared into the screen of your $300+ phone, stroked it's shiny clean surface and said, "you look beautiful here in the moonlight."

NEVER. If you have you need some help.

You can't foster a dating relationship through texts. You can't. You can flirt and banter and make plans through texts, but if you spend more time texting your potential and less time staring into their gorgeous eyes, then you might be doing it wrong.

Texting is not the only part of dating, in fact it shouldn't even be in the top 5 parts of dating, unless you're in a long distance thingy. To properly experience dating you need to actually GO ON DATES.
Really a novel concept if you think about it.

Back in the 70s when my parents were dating, they didn't have text messages or instant messages or that weird voice messaging thing I can't remember the name of. They actually had to go and spend time together out in the world. Imagine not relying on social media and technology while dating.

So that's what you should do too. Not rely on technology as the major factor in your dating life, instead, you should use it as a nudge, so to speak. As in use technology to gain more dates.

As in,
"Hi, so I was just passing by the Corcoran and remembered that you really liked xyz, and they're having an exhibit this month, wanna go?"

Digital Dating

I come from a land of digital dating.
I am the early 20s dater.

When I was a young tyke running around the playground, my parents were just starting to get these things called mobile phones. Computers popped up in my school, and I was forced for an hour everyday to learn how to use them. By the time I reached junior-high, I no longer called the home phone, because my mom would seldom answer. I called her cell phone, and should I want to talk to my friends, I didn't pick up the phone, I joined the secret elusive world of  America OnLine Instant Messenger, "AIM."

Living in a rural/suburban community for my entire life, walking across the street to see my friends was not an option. One time I did find a bridge across our local canal and attempted to visit Lindsey who lived 4 miles away. I made it halfway into some random cow field before I realized that I had no idea where I was and there was a bull staring me down. I ran home faster than you could say Moo.

When we were younger my friends and I called each other to see about sleep overs and play dates, but AIM offered something different - something exciting.

By the time I got into high school, long gone were the days of calling my friends. In fact, whenever I did call someone my crappy RAZR usually echoed my voice back to me, and it freaked me out. I know what I sound like in my head, but over the phone, god, I think I sound like a seven-year-old child still telling Barbie that she can't be with Kokoum because he didn't wear a shirt and that just isn't proper.

Look at him, he's savage! (Disclosure: I'm Native American)

So like the majority of my friends instead of conversing by phone, we started communicating via AIM, text, and "against-school-rules-pop-up-boxes" which we figured out how to create while sitting in computer class. They looked like little warning boxes. It was the best. 

We were never told that these forms of communication weren't socially acceptable. We were excited by the new-ness of them. We were excited by the "secrecy" of them. Unlike with a phone call, your parents couldn't hear what you were saying on the phone and if they popped into the room to see what you were doing, the magic little X button made sure everything went away. 

As we grew up during high school, texting arrived and before we knew it, we were using texting how we would normally use AIM and racking up $1000s on our parents phone bills, so parents complained to the phone company, and then we got unlimited texting plans. Which to us, were like little unlimited IMs back and forth. 

Why call someone when you can text them, because that's what we were trained to do! It's so much more convenient! I can answer a text hiding out in the girls bathroom or in between classes hidden in my locker. 

This generation took ahold of texting and instant messaging like it was our job. Because for the majority of us they were interchangeable as the same form of instant communication. Major companies realized this and added them onto their services like, Facebook IM, and GChat further integrating digital communication in our daily lives making picking up that phone to call someone practically unnecessary. 

And it doesn't just cut off at employment door. In my line of work we use ichat, skype, gchat, and texting to get information across fast in a way that wont ruin a take on a movie set. Sitting in meetings, my boss can shoot me a gchat to tell me to make a calendar reminder for him or to schedule a lunch and with open table, guess what. I can do it all without ever opening my mouth. 

Digital communication is HUGE. 

So why does everyone kvetch and moan about using digital communication when dating? 

It's a part of our social culture, everyone's social culture. When Facebook opened to the public, people outside of college were crazy intent on joining. People of all ages flocked to facebook like sheep flocking to the second coming of Christ. So it doesn't just have to deal with age barriers. 

I've dated a pretty wide age bracket. I've dated 12 years over me and 1 year younger than me, so I know from experience, however, that this divide of using digital communication as a primary source of interaction while dating/in a relationship with someone has more than a little to do with age. 

I grew up on the computer, but the people just 10 years older than me, didn't. 

Now I can't tell you the exact age bracket that this phenomenon revolves around, but I do know that it affects my brother and I both, as well as my younger cousin, so I'd say it's currently the anyone given a phone by their parents when they were younger (probably 12 thru 27 age bracket) relies on texting as their most popular form of communication, with 27 being a border age that usually flip-flops depending on if they had rural or urban childhoods.

I say this because, in my experience the guys I've dated in their late 20s thru mid 30s age bracket love calling just to hear the sound of my voice, which is nice. 

They enjoy seeing how my day was with an end of the day phone call, which will usually last 1-3 hours and usually involves me saying, "I'm sorry I didn't hear you, can you say that again" at least 20 times, for which I blame my genetically bad ears, my love of loud music, my lack of telephone skills, and the guy's ability to mumble his feelings. If I ever texted them at the end of the day, they'd usually just pick up the phone to call me back. 

However, 

My experience with my age bracket is one of epic, marathon texting sessions that can go on for 8+ hours a day, because while we're not on the phone vocally for 1-3 hours, the same amount of information is exchanged, either way. It has been my experience that in dating each party is curious to know more about the other person, so a plethora of questions are asked, whether it happens vocally or textually. 

But this all brings me to my point. 

I've recently read a lot of articles about how you shouldn't text when you're dating. You should just call them up, because texting only leads to mixed communication, due to the inability of texts to convey emotions, which will most likely cause someone's feelings will get hurt.

I disagree. (1) I'm just saying emoticons are popular for a reason. You might not like them. They might seem girly, but they work. (2) Texting is a different form of communication. Eventually you learn that certain things that the person you're texting says should be taken a certain a way. You learn that "UGh, I hate you" doesn't mean that person hates you. It's usually a playful jest. You learn the intricacies of what certain phrases mean, for example this picture. 

But if you start to actually think about how texting has infiltrated the sacred world of dating, you'd realize that this is just the new battle of old school vs. new school. 

 I'm sure that when phones first came about there were a lot of old fashioned women and men who believed that you shouldn't call the woman you were courting, you should call on her like a proper gentleman and sit in the parlor while a chaperone made sure you did nothing untoward. 

And I'm sure there were people who thought that instead of calling them you should write a love letter instead. I'm sure that when the first written word came about people thought that you shouldn't write your Love a love letter because she probably couldn't read it, so you should just go calling on her. 

The evolution of dating happens whether we like it or not. Younger generations will always come up with a new form of communication, which puzzles the older generation. Texting is here to stay; it's not going to just go away because a group of people think that it's messed up to text the person you're dating in the middle of the day to see how they are instead of picking up the phone. 

Because to be honest, as an early 20s dater, I prefer texting to phone calls. 

I would prefer the guy I like text me to see what's going on versus calling me because I can live my life and respond when I have the time instead of dropping everything to have a 1-3 hour phone call with him. 

I like it because I don't have to hear my seven-year-old child voice. I like it because I can text a guy on my bathroom break at work and not have to worry about whether or not he hears the toilet flush (don't lie, you've totally texted someone in a bathroom before).  I like it because I grew up in a world of digital communication which spawned digital socialization. It's how I interact socially with my friends and to be honest, if that's how I talk to my closest friends, then the guy I'm dating should get the same treatment. 

Dating is the experience of learning about another person and figuring out whether or not they're compatible with you. It's a give and take. This war on texting is just a narrow minded view point of people who aren't willing to bend their ways to the desired form of communication of their partners. 

When I date older guys I don't tell them, "Yo I hate when you call me, because I can't understand you, so I feel like a retard asking you to repeat yourself every five minutes." Instead I accept that this is how they date. This is how they interact with the people in their lives, and so I accept that and make it a point to call them when I want to interact with them, usually sending a "hey, you busy? Can I give you a call?" text message before hand, because I don't want to catch them at a bad time. 

But that's just me. Just because you don't prefer the person you're dating's method of communication doesn't mean you should refuse to date them, because they're "inconsiderate" with how they contact you. Maybe it's just that they grew up like I did, in a world of digital socialization. It doesn't mean they're a horrible person, it just a different method of communication in dating. 

And the age lines are not exclusive. One of my closest friends, Sam, prefers calling to texting and she's in my age bracket. A 30-year-old man I dated for 3 months preferred texting to calling. It's all about learning and asking what method of communication that person prefers, because if you don't know then your phone calls could unnerve them and make them feel awkward, which prevents them from being their normal easy going self. 

So my point is that text messaging should be allowed in dating, but it's your responsibility to let the person you're dating know that you would appreciate calling vs. texting or vice versa. Take hold of your dating life. Don't just piss and moan because you think texting is inconsiderate. Do something about it. 

However, text message breakups are still the most cowardly thing a human being can do, right behind telling a robber to shoot your friend instead of you. 

Just saying... 

When it rains men, you might want to take cover...

For the longest time, whenever there's karaoke to be had, I sing one song. This song.



Unless someone else has in the last 20 minutes, and then I sing Shania Twain, but that's not the point...

The point is that I have always heard the following two phrases, "when it rains it pours" & "when one door closes another one opens."

And yeah, when life is chunking lemons at you, it gets overwhelming. And when one part of your life comes to an end, you realize that there's another chapter ahead of you, but never have I realized how true these statements are when it comes to my dating life.

A few weeks ago, I got swept up in the whirlwind romance of Goal.

Oh, god. I was head over heels madly and truly, but after he invited me mistakenly to go camping with him instead of the guy he really wanted to ask.. and then never actually apologized for not responding/never texting me afterwards - I wiped my hands of the whole affair and resounded myself to the singularity to which I am accustomed.

Don't get me wrong... I like being single - I can flirt. I can kiss, and I can date whoever I want, but I was actually really kind of bummed. So here is when I was thinking, "WHY GOD - WHYYYYY!?"

But my life does not leave ample time for heartache. So I jumped back into the pool.

The following Saturday, I put on my big-girl-britches and made my way down to Dupont and Rumors with my girl Ro. To be honest, the last time we had gone with just the two of us, we met the Marines, so I was a little skeptical of going with just us, but I bucked up, stopped whining, and we started drinking.

We had been scouting out the bar for a while, standing, chatting with each other when this tall light-skinned FBM came by. He had just walked in with an enormous group of men who looked like they should be on the cover of GorgeousBuiltMen Weekly mainly because they were part of a rather well known sports team in the area. Since, I know my girl's love of FBMs, and because she winged for me the last time, I instigated a conversation with him, and before you know it, Ro and him are chit-chatting, while I'm pushing off the advances of his exceedingly drunk friend Bob.... but where there is a will, there's a way and Bob had a very attractive "babysitter" in a very silly hat, whom I had been eyeing for awhile, and he knew it. So he swooped in to save the day.

FunkyHatGuy and I hit it off, OMG, did we hit it off.

He was snarky. He was intelligent. He was a grade-A-quality-flirter. He was exactly what I needed to get my mind off of being obsessed with Goal. We played paper-rock-scissors to see who would buy each round, and between his snark and Bob's horribly drunken advances, ie I got ass-patted, hand-kissed, and real-slobbery-kissed, FunkyHatGuy decided to claim his territory and threw his funky hat on my head. Claimed!

I'm a traditional southern girl, and it is straight class procedure to allow the girl your digging to wear your hat. So as the good southern girl I am, I dealt with looking slightly ridiculous and accepted my fate. (Very, Very Happily. You should have seen this man's arms).

When it was time for FunkyHatGuy and I to part ways due to him having to attend Mass in the morning (OMG I can bring him home to mother!!! - joke), he asked for my phone number - reasonably after Goal only used mine because he thought I was a man - I told FunkyHatGuy it wasn't happening. He insisted that he would use it, so I put it in his phone and didn't think twice about it. Aside from Goal (and remember he thought I was one of his guy friends when he texted me), I can't remember the last time a guy used my phone number after meeting me at a bar.

So enter the next week.

Fresh back on the dating scene, I agreed to a 2nd date with a guy from OkC, we'll call him Lars (think from the movie - the Thing). Lars and I were two-peas-in-the-dorkiest-pod-on-the-face-of-the-planet, so we hit it off pretty well. And I like him - he's a good guy, and we had a nice low-key movie date.

After watching the movie, we stood outside and talked for a while until he asked me to see another movie with him on Friday. The movie I wasn't too killer about - so I told him I'd let him know, not that I didn't want to spend time with him, but that I didn't really want to see the movie.

Enter later that night.

(I promise all these micro stories have a point.)

Kryptonite and I had been talking back and forth via the texts for a while, demanding each other that it was the other's turn to play in our 50 games of Words with Friends. When he mentioned how he hadn't seen me in forever because he moved far away, I asked, "so when am I going to see you?" "I'm coming into town this weekend, howabout this Friday?"

Now in my head I think o.k. I can tell Lars that we need to move our date to Sunday because I have an old college buddy coming to town, but on the other hand, Lars and I didn't have set plans.

So I decide I'll eat myself some dinner and think about it later.

Enter the next day...

It's around 8 pm, and as standard - minding my own business eating a delectable dinner and catching up on TV shows I'd missed for the past week because I have a very hectic life, when I hear my phone ding.

I grab, check message - it's FunkyHatGuy - WHAAAT?! He actually texted me?

I honestly metaphorically shit a brick, because I wasn't expecting it at ALL. I'm so used to guys asking for phone numbers to toss in their "little black books" and never use.

AND (SIDENOTE) What is the point of having a "little black book," IF YOU NEVER USE IT!!!! I am all about utilizing the LBB, and I am ALL about hooking up. Seriously... Life is frickin' short - it makes no sense to wander about and be miserable, when there's a quick, fun, and awesome way to create endorphins in the chilly fall months. Endorphins = happy people.

If more people were running around making out with the people they wanted to make out with... we'd have a whole lot less stress. And...AND! We'd have a whole lot less assholes flicking me off because they don't like the way I put on my blinker 50-yards before I dive infront of them during rush hour. Seriously?!?! Howabout you use your stupid ass middle finger for something good!

Anyway... FunkyHatGuy and I have this great series of snarky texts back and forth and before I know it, he wants to know what I'm doing Friday and if he can take me out.

Like I said when it rains... it pours.

I haven't really decided who I'm taking up on their offer... All I know is Kryptonite would be traveling in from out of town, so I need to make up my mind quickly, because I'm talking this Friday...

While my instinct says Kryptonite... My friends all beg to differ and have all reminded me about the boucoups of times he has fucked me over doing x-y or z, and that Long-Distance is Wrong-Distance and that while I may think he's the most beautiful man to walk the earth - he's at best a 6 in a suit. (I think he's at least a 9).

SOOOO Readers...

I'm actually horribly conflicted, because then I have two other great guys to think about... FunkyHatGuy or Lars, and on the one hand I know what Lars is looking for - a relationship, and grown-up-me should be jumping in, with both feet into that basket of happiness, but if I was so willing to push him aside for Goal, then clearly I'm not fully invested in him, and I don't know if it's because I don't know him well enough yet, or whether I'm not 100% into him, but shouldn't I be more concerned?

And then FunkyHatGuy is this snarky-sexy individual who put himself out there when normally no one else does, and he's smart. He's local, and seriously, he texted when he said he would text! That's madness! So I just... I just don't know...

And to be real, these guys are just the tip of their icebergs. Seriously, guys are popping out from every fucking nook and cranny... Idk if God is chunking them at me to get my mind off Goal, or if he's trying to test me to see if I'm ready for a relationship, but I'm standing here getting PELTED with men.

Seriously you should see the bruises.

My grandpa, paw-paw, grammy, and mia all use to say, "honey when you get older you're gonna have to bat them away with sticks, they'll be lining up..." and I'm not sure if that's true or if that's just something you say to your granddaughter to build up her self-confidence, but right now, I really need to invest in a sturdier umbrella or a giant stick.

He's Gone....

While I sit at my desk, the sunlight teases the edge of my arm as I click through actor's voices at work, trying to find someone who's a perfect mix of Benjamin Netanyahu and William Shakespeare.

My phone buzzes. Nope. Not words with friends, I have a text, from MrStateDepartment. (You didn't even know this guy existed did you? - For the record... he does, but according the government he doesn't. It's bizarre aka he probably works at McDonalds)

"Wanna meet up for drinks?"
"No I have plans tonight with a homie, maybe tomorrow?"
"I leave tomorrow."
"What?"
"Yeah, I leave tomorrow, and I wanted to see you before I left."

As the floor beneath my desk peeled back, I watched my heart tumble from my chest, pitching down into the solemn depths below.

I knew it had been coming. I knew that I was going to get this text, but so soon. So quickly. He had just passed the greek language test 5 days ago.

Earlier that morning I had watched the most emotional movie I've ever worked on, listening to the sniffles of men holding back their tears and the rustling of kleenex as the women dried their eyes in the audience. But I had sat there like a stone. Enjoying criticizing the bad audio, so that in the next cut - it would be perfect. That's what you get when your mentor is an Audio guy, you're ober critical of the smallest hiccups.

But nary a tear.

As I tried to focus on my work after the texts, I actually couldn't breathe.

The man I had been using as a crutch; The man who gave me more dating advice in a 7-month time than I had experienced in my entire lifetime; The man I had been telling all my hopes and dreams to in attempts to ward off emotional vulnerability with the men I had actually been dating had less than 24 hours in the area, and I couldn't see the sun through my tears.

I rushed to the office bathroom as quickly as I could, because I have a rep to protect (I show no emotion) at my office, and I couldn't bear to let something else come crumbling around my ears.

I stood in the bathroom, leaning against the wall. Staring at the mirror, forcing myself to pull it together.

"Who ARE you right now? What are you DOING? It's not worth it. These tears aren't going to make the moon land in your hand."

From the first 'whatever' I knew he was leaving. There was no strings, no attachments. It was supposed to be easy. It was supposed to be fun.

And it was. Every laugh. Every joke. Every movie reference over my head. It was so good.

My longest relationship with a boyfriend was 9 months. To put this into perspective. My 'whatever it was' with this guy was 7 months long. To me. That's an eternity. I can hear his voice. I can see his eyes, his teeth, his fingers, every detail is etched in my mind at that moment. The moment in the bathroom.

I've always believed that the end of a relationship/friendship is like having someone you love die. Except you're constantly reminded about them when they sign onto skype or facebook. And when those relationships end, especially when one party moves across the country due to a work commitment it's doubly hard, because it's not like you both decided, OK this is ending.

It had to end. Knowing about it ending makes it that much harder, not easier. Slowly watching days peel back on a calendar pushing closer and closer to Departure Day doesn't make that day any easier.

And because 7 months to me is an eternity. In my messed up little world, weeks are like years. In a week or two I'll forget the crinkle of his eyes. The way he stares at a television as soon as it's turned on like a puppy watching you toss a ball. I'll forget the sounds he makes, and the way he walks.



Photo by Matt Weber

But the impression made will still be the same. Though the 'whatever it was' is severed by 3000 miles and separate dreams and goals.

Do I regret the times, the tears, the laughter?

No.

Do I want to still have what we had?

No. It's time to move on. It's time to find someone with whom I can start something - real.

Did I learn something about myself?

Yes. Apparently I have emotions other than judgement and happiness. How Crazy!

And to tell you the truth, that's my favorite part about dating. I love learning about myself through other people, through friendships and relationships and family, through different situations, through trials and triumphs. I love every imprint from every person I've ever met, because to be honest, without those imprints, I wouldn't be who I am today.

And while who I am today, isn't perfect, nor will it ever be. I like who I am today, but tomorrow, my friends, is a new discovery waiting for me to stumble upon it.

Flirtext

So recently I had an overtly long stay in Texas... and by long I mean I wasn't expecting to be there for more than 3 days, so I didn't prepare myself mentally for the week long extravaganza of no flirting with men. (And before you say, "Texas is full of men!" I come from a town of 1160, so no... there are no men there).

I just about shriveled and died by the last night there. I began to feel my insides getting older and the skin on my face sagging into puddles of unhappiness.

Which meant it was time to get my flirtext on.

Flirtexting is the act of flirtatiously bantering and swapping wit and emoticons back and forth through text messages. This is not to be confused with Sexting which is sexual flirtation. Flirtexting can serve as a spring board into sexting, but it does not include anything overtly sexual. It's the PG/ Disney version.




So began the hunt. I seriously think the song, "Hungry like the Wolf" accurately describes how I was feeling.

But no one was having any.

I tried a guy I'm dating. He was no help. Just lame updates on the fun I could be having in DC. This included drinking with my chika, flitting by my Favorite bar, and dancing the night away. All things I could NOT do in Bumblebutt Texas.

So, I'm sitting on my parent's couch, bored off my mind, when I think... ooooh facebook!

I post my desire, I need to flirtext and nearly immediately Man has posted. YES. Gonna get my Flirtext on! It's gonna be good!

So I tried Man, but he's no help either. All I got was one L-i-c-k.... That's all the message said.... A LICK? YOU"RE LICKING ME? ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?! One "lick?" That's worse than no response at all, it's the worst kind of tease imaginable, it's a promise with no follow through. It's a hope with no star to cling on, and slowly the desperation in my voice is grows stronger....

So then I tried the old tried and true Kryptonite, which ended with a fizzle before it even started.

Then, ExNumber512 tried to convince me to flirtext with a long list of people which may or may not have included him. NO. Not Happening.

As my want began to grow stronger I realized I was turning into one of those desperate women who cling to the last vestiges of sanity by digging themselves into a hole and falling into it, only to cry out with their last breath for help, which never comes. I became the Juliet of Flirtexting. I was about to plunge the dagger into my pulsing heart.

If only. If only my future had a lifeline... OkCupid. YES. There's always people on there looking to chit chat and meet people and after the one time I got asked for a threesome (2 males - 1 girl) I knew that someone would be prowling for a few flirtatious messages. I didn't need to tell him he didn't stand a chance.

But I can successfully tell you that no one is prowling OkC at 11 pm on a Friday night... aside from me. And the creepy 60 year old men looking for a "girl to spoil." Urm... No.

So there I was looking and hoping with no outlet for all the flirt stored in me after a week of no vessel to toss it in... So I wrote down some rules for successful Flirtexting and that's what you're getting. And truly isn't that better anyway?

LoRo's Flirtexting Rules to Live By

1. Keep it short. The fun of witty banter isn't a lengthy story. It's short, back and forth rapid wit slinging back and forth like girls wrestling in a tub of jello.

2. Keep it fast. This is not for the people who only text every hour. This is for the RAPID exchange of flirting. You wouldn't go to a bar and start flirting with a guy by saying a fun witty thing... walking away.... and then coming back an hour later over and over again, would you?

3. Emoticons are a necessary evil. I know some people hate them, but if you're saying something sassy, you need the stupid :-P face in order to show jest instead of snark.

4. Laughing is encouraged. LOLs and HAHAs and LMFAOs and ROTFL are pretty much required in order to show the partner flirtexter that you're enjoying the exchange.

5. Embrace texting short hand. You know it. Embrace it.

6. If you're slowly moving the Flirtexting to "deeper water" if you know what I mean, make sure both parties are comfortable with the switch. Flirtexting is fun for almost everyone. Sexting can get you into trouble depending on the other person's desires.