People are always talking about their damn lists (myself included) about what they want and how it has to happen. But with everyone talking about these damn lists, people are closing themselves off from great potentials just because she/he might not meet expectations, so you keep searching for the elusive perfect.
Maneater recently wrote a blog about dating resume's which I thought was directly on point and talk about a friggin' awesome idea. Not necessarily feasible, because - shit, I hate updating my actual resume on a monthly basis (gotta love freelancing) and I'm sure everyone else isn't feeling the whole updating the resume thing, but still.
I've long been preaching (somewhat tongue in cheek) that people should all have a sign that they wear that says what they're looking for/who they're crushing so that dating was 100 times simpler than 'the games and the drama' and the 'should I text him/ should I call her bull shit.'
If people stopped playing games and kept it real, then think about how much easier our love lives would be. Think about how much simpler things would be if we said who we are, what
we're looking for right upfront, and just handed out a dating resume. Think about it, if we had dating resume's you'd hand it to someone and if you weren't a perfect fit for them, they might have a friend who is exactly what you're looking for in a mate!
But I digress.
People are always talking about their lists and their wants and what they have to have in a relationship, and mainly I blame Disney for giving us unattainable goals, and then I blame your parents. They tell you that you deserve the best of the best the creme de la creme, but what they didn't tell you is that not everyone gets to marry George Clooney or Catherine Zeta-Jones.
My parents did a great job of raising me, literally they did, but here they are with their fairy tale happy ending marriage and some 38 years later, I'm sitting here thinking I deserve perfect.
I deserve my tall handsome knight with a quirky sense of humor who appreciates a good steak and a football game and fricking loves to cuddle, and I know I've met and dated at least 13 of these men, but I always think something just isn't right.
Granted it's probably the fact that I'm commitment shy, but you know what absolutely drives me crazy, is when I find literally someone who I am so ready to jump up and down and go YES, I can do this!!! And then they jump faster than someone fleeing the Titanic...
I'd be Snow White in this Photo (but I identify more with Belle and Ariel if you must know).
SO in jumps my Disney argument. (Or the movie argument) Which is essentially this. One day you'll meet and find the one and you'll fall madly in love but the evil step mother (dragon, magical book, wizard, French King and his silly musketeer rules) will keep you apart. That's when you overcome the obstacle and fall into the arms of your absolutely perfect person... but there's the rub.
As soon as someone has one flaw, for the majority of people it's like they can't get rid of you fast enough. Oh you're chubby, done. Oh you don't like meat, done. Oh you can't ride a bike, done. Oh you write a blog, done. Oh you don't have brown hair and green eyes, done.
The world isn't made of cookie cutter people. It'd be boring that way. But people seem to expect that you fall exactly into their plans or it's not going to work. Just because Eric fell into the ocean just when Ariel needed to meet him (hello inciting incident) doesn't mean that it works like that in real life.
Sometimes you have to go out and look for it. Sometimes you have to ask around. Sometimes people overlook those because they're not wearing the right jeans or a summer dress and they have blue hair...
I have a friend who by many guy's lists would be perfect, great sense of humor, banging-driven personality, cute as hell. She's a tall leggy blonde who takes limber to a whole new level, but she's single, not for lack of wanting.
I have another friend who is sweet, fun as all get out, plays hard, works hard, great personality, pretty and a tad shy, who can keep up with anybody, she takes the definition of social butterfly to a whole new meaning, and she's single, not for lack of wanting.
I have another friend who's absolutely gorgeous, she's caring, genuine, a really great listener, whose love affair with sports is legendary, she's got a busy social life constantly flitting from one group to the next meeting people like it's her job (because it is) and she's single, not for lack of wanting.
I have another friend who has this great personality, he's sweet, he's literally the best party host - in the world, and he's got big plans and he's got this great quirky sense of humor, but HE's single not for lack of wanting (I'd hook him up with my girls, but he's on our team... sooo).
and my list of banging friends goes on and on and on.
But I can't help and wonder with all these great people around me and the knowledge that there are great people out there on the ocean of life, swimming around or floating in inner tubes or sailing on ships, also looking, it seems bizarre to me that it's so difficult to meet people here.
And not just meeting people, because I've got that hella down flat, but meeting someone who's looking for more than just a one/two night fling.
Because people have this idea that if they're not cookie cutter perfect - exactly what you're looking for then might as well get what you can because hey they're hot and you're hot and what the hell.
My straight guys complain about being single too, it's not like there's this vast conspiracy where all the guys are jonesing for lots of random one night stands and the girls are the only ones looking for more, it's the fact that between all the games and all the raised expectations, people refuse to get down to the basics anymore.
Maybe refuse isn't the right word, people are so caught up in the idea of crush,love,lust in a 1 and a half hour movie that they get caught up in the emotions of it all and fail to truly get to know the person on the other half of the bed.
Clearly someone missed the memo. Clearly someone missed the mark because while you're running around like a chicken with your head cut off trolling for perfect, there are so many people around you in DC who while not perfect, are pretty friggin' awesome. So take out your frickin' ear buds and start up a conversation. This city is too self involved as it is already. Maybe it's time to make it more socially aware. You might be surprised who you meet.
I don't wear a sign, but I tend to be pretty direct with women I like and want to date and I'm upfront about what I'm looking for and what I'm up for.ReplyDelete
That's a horrible run-on sentence but I think it's accurate.
Of course, the question that immediately comes to mind is, do you practice what you preach? Do you toss aside your list and see if it'll work out with guys who don't meet all the criteria?
That's what I'm trying to say, people just need to be upfront, none of this game shit. It's unnecessary.ReplyDelete
My list is pretty short,
Must Be Taller
Must not Smell atrocious
I'm willing to sway on the top one, but the bottom one I refuse to toss aside.
I'm tall, and I only smell atrocious after I kill game with my bare hands. And I have a beard. Looks like I meet your requirements. I'll expect the ring by this weekend.ReplyDelete
I think it comes down to when we see what we want we realize it, then we go "Oh, shietze! What if it doesn't work like the movie? What if something goes wrong?" We are always more afraid of failure then we want to be perfectly happy. So we subconciously look for that one thing and jump ship when we find it so we don't get hurt first. Or maybe that's just me...ReplyDelete
@Oracle that sounds ober promising. First you'd have to meet my parents.ReplyDelete
I'd strike up a conversation with a stranger but that would just creepy. I'd be weirded out if a stranger did that to me. See you have to meet women in certain non-threatening situations: spin class, pumpkin patch, etcReplyDelete