A few weekends ago I was standing by the upstairs bar of Rumors with my friend Ro, trying to get my flirt on with Bartender Murphy - who was having none of it, while the other members of our party bounced around dancing and drinking downstairs and on the patio.
We were attempting to get a drink when a Guy struck up a conversation with us with such ease, I'm in the middle of writing a post about how great wingmen work. He was brilliant.
He talked smoothly and quick asking us not the typical what do you do questions, but instead questions about what we were wearing, who we were, why we liked Rumors, etc... and then Ro was swept away by a guy at the bar and I was standing there with the Guy and Guy's friend, Beatles (his name is a Beatle's song). Beatles and I were hitting it off, our conversation was rapid fire, easy, and engaging, we were both in the major league of flirting that night, pitching no hitters.
When Guy poked back in, "So, LoRo, Why are you Single?"
Sputter. Cough. Gag.
"I mean you're a good lookin' girl why are you not engaged or married or popping out babies somewhere?"
"You are single right? But why?"
I froze like a deer waiting for his inevitable doom in a pair of bright lights bearing down on him at 70 mph. I looked from Guy to Beatles and back and forth, sputtering out words that barely made sense.
I never really know how to answer this question in front of someone I like.
I never know how to answer it without seeming like a storydigging whore grubbing for the last beeftip in the stewpot.
I can't go on and on about my dating mantra, because that just makes me sound like an undersexed matron, and I can't go on about my idea that my family is crazy (some of the extended parts) because that makes me sound like I hate my family (which I don't), and I can't go on about the fact that I had my heart trampled on like a snake in a horse stampede, because that makes me seem untouchable due to great emotional drama, so I just bat my eyelashes and attempt to come up with the best thought I can.
Which to be honest is FLICKIN difficult. Here's some answers that run through my head and
why I'm not using them.
"I'm just looking for the right guy."
Which makes me sound like a picky mother fucker, which to be honest, I'm not.
"I'm not really single, I'm seeing lots of people."
Which makes me seem like a slut looking for free meal handouts and cuts off my chance with the potential to whom I'm talking.
"Well why are you single?"
Well why am I avoiding the question?
"I'm not looking to settle down."
Excuse me, waiter, can I get a bed for two?
"Have you tried to date in this town?"
Which makes me sound like an elitist pig, which according to the crazy-dumb-ass-druggie-emo-kid in my family, is exactly what I am. (I'm sorry I have a college degree and you don't because you were doing crack, suck it. )
"I just got out of a relationship."
Now I'm damaged goods.
"I'm taking my time."
Which means I have emotional issues.
So my answer eventually came out as, "Well it's not that I need to be single, it just so happens that you lucky dogs caught me at just the right time." *wink*
Guy didn't get it. Beatles chuckled.
Which brings me to the question.
HOW do you answer the question as to why you're single? Or if you're in a relationship how would you answer?