Friday, September 23, 2011

A Question

A few weekends ago I was standing by the upstairs bar of Rumors with my friend Ro, trying to get my flirt on with Bartender Murphy - who was having none of it, while the other members of our party bounced around dancing and drinking downstairs and on the patio.

We were attempting to get a drink when a Guy struck up a conversation with us with such ease, I'm in the middle of writing a post about how great wingmen work. He was brilliant.

He talked smoothly and quick asking us not the typical what do you do questions, but instead questions about what we were wearing, who we were, why we liked Rumors, etc... and then Ro was swept away by a guy at the bar and I was standing there with the Guy and Guy's friend, Beatles (his name is a Beatle's song). Beatles and I were hitting it off, our conversation was rapid fire, easy, and engaging, we were both in the major league of flirting that night, pitching no hitters.

When Guy poked back in, "So, LoRo, Why are you Single?"

Sputter. Cough. Gag.


"I mean you're a good lookin' girl why are you not engaged or married or popping out babies somewhere?"


"You are single right? But why?"

I froze like a deer waiting for his inevitable doom in a pair of bright lights bearing down on him at 70 mph. I looked from Guy to Beatles and back and forth, sputtering out words that barely made sense.

"Uhhhhh.... "

I never really know how to answer this question in front of someone I like.

I never know how to answer it without seeming like a storydigging whore grubbing for the last beeftip in the stewpot.

I can't go on and on about my dating mantra, because that just makes me sound like an undersexed matron, and I can't go on about my idea that my family is crazy (some of the extended parts) because that makes me sound like I hate my family (which I don't), and I can't go on about the fact that I had my heart trampled on like a snake in a horse stampede, because that makes me seem untouchable due to great emotional drama, so I just bat my eyelashes and attempt to come up with the best thought I can.

Which to be honest is FLICKIN difficult. Here's some answers that run through my head and
why I'm not using them.

"I'm just looking for the right guy."
Which makes me sound like a picky mother fucker, which to be honest, I'm not.

"I'm not really single, I'm seeing lots of people."
Which makes me seem like a slut looking for free meal handouts and cuts off my chance with the potential to whom I'm talking.

"Well why are you single?"
Well why am I avoiding the question?

"I'm not looking to settle down."
Excuse me, waiter, can I get a bed for two?

"Have you tried to date in this town?"
Which makes me sound like an elitist pig, which according to the crazy-dumb-ass-druggie-emo-kid in my family, is exactly what I am. (I'm sorry I have a college degree and you don't because you were doing crack, suck it. )

"I just got out of a relationship."
Now I'm damaged goods.

"I'm taking my time."
Which means I have emotional issues.

So my answer eventually came out as, "Well it's not that I need to be single, it just so happens that you lucky dogs caught me at just the right time." *wink*

Guy didn't get it. Beatles chuckled.

Which brings me to the question.

HOW do you answer the question as to why you're single? Or if you're in a relationship how would you answer?


  1. Anonymous9/23/2011

    Ha! I was asked this question on repeat recently, and I found myself rather annoyed - and hence, wrote a guest post over at Simply Solo on it but... (wait, were we talking about you?)

    Sorry. In all seriousness? I find myself feeling like I have to defend my singledom. When single really is my life right now. I mean, I don't know where a relationship would fit, nor do I have time to go searching for someone, and I believe you need to put *some* effort in, so... I think the question is annoying, and, frankly somewhat invasive and points to how relationship-oriented (yet not) our society is.

    Have I gone on too long? Didn't you give me this soapbox? No? You just asked me a simple question? Really? My bad.

    How do I respond? "Because my priorities are elsewhere at the moment."

  2. My answer is dumb.

    I haven't found someone who makes me want to stop being single with her, who also wants to stop being single with me.

    It feels like a stupid tautology but there it is.

    I'm happy with being single sometimes. I'm unhappy with it other times. But it's not as if I can decide all by myself to change that status (regardless of what any relationship-advice-things might say). I kinda need someone to be like-minded with me.

  3. ‎"Because everyone I meet is just like you..."

  4. You should just say, "because of the restraining order." And smile. And change the subject like it is 1999.

  5. @womenarefrommars, what's the link for simply solo I'm curious.

    @Paulidin, yeah, apparently grabbing people and going mine, doesn't work outside of TrueBlood.

    @Oracle, that might just work, haha!

  6. Actually, LoRo, I have been grabbed by someone who declared, 'Mine!' before. I'm not saying it lasts forever but it did start a fun experience.

  7. i hate this question. I tell my friends "if I knew why i was single I wouldn't be single" but they tend to all think "it is because you will go on a first date with anyone but are too picky about who you go on a second date with"

    i just avoid answering the question.


  8. I hate that question! You handled it brilliantly!


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