You have a girlfriend? I love you.
You have a fiance? I want you.
You're too busy to date? Shit, let's do it.
You're leaving in a month? Why are we not dating!?
You don't live in DC? How fast can you be on skype?
You don't want to settle down? Well, shit I do. You'll change! Let's get married. No?
I have a problem, scratch that. Problems can be fixed. I have an ISSUE.
I like, no. I love, no. I'm absolutely head over heels for unavailable men.
The chase. The unending, never going to win chase is what I live for every moment. For me, the chase is better than the success. It's this continuous high, this rush of adrenaline wondering whether or not he actually likes me or whether he's going to respond. Some people choose to do coke, I do unavailable men. Neither one is really good for you, but eh. Whatchya gonna do.
But there's the rub...
As I'm chasing after everyone NOT worth having, the quality men that are chasing me are getting kicked to the curb like sad puppies.
Hence, I am a horrible human being.
But here's the thing... it's not that I don't appreciate the quality men who are fighting their way into my affections. I see them. I recognize quality when I see it, but they don't want to participate in my favorite part of the courting ritual... competitive flirting. They want romance. They want to dote me with flowers and chocolates and romantic comedies, while I -reeeeally - want to be doted on with witty one liners that make me blush as I rush to come back with a retort.
Hence why I'm still running around like a single chicken with my head cut off.
But readers. I am making a pledge.
And some of you should probably make this pledge with me, but I'm not going to force anyone.
For the month of OssumOctober, I - LoRo will go on no dates with, hang out with, or text, or call, or message, or tweet, or email, or snail mail any man who does not initiate the contact first. If I have to chase them, then they're more than likely 100% unavailable, emotionally or otherwise.
I just felt a little piece of my soul die while making that pledge, but I must stay strong.
Because it is a well established FACT that when I chase after a man one of four things happen.
1. FWB, not saying it's bad, just not what I want.
2. Date for a few months then they disappear into the ether or Singapore.
3. They either just got out of being engaged or married and are emotionally unavailable, and they're just looking for a rebound (and me thinking I can change them latch on like those little fish that clean the side of aquariums).
4. They move to a different state within a month.
And since I want NONE of that for the time being, I'm going to stop doing what I do best and instead wait, which is not going to be pretty. To be perfectly honest OssumOctober is going to be very, very brutal.
I'm going to go through serious withdrawals, severe anxiety, and have to face my fears of loneliness and abandonment head-on.
It's about my wavering standards. It's about finding and dating quality. And it's about trying something out of my comfort zone, because what I've been doing for the last few years clearly is not working.
So raise a glass (because I'm going to need a shit ton of drinks to get through this) and salut to OssumOctober.
Also, found this interesting post regarding chasing men while looking for pictures to accompany this blog post, check it out!