Monday, November 28, 2011


We're going to take a break from our "Why Am I Still Single" Series to do a quick post inspired by watching football for the last 14 weeks.

All the guys in these pictures (aside from the Brawny Man) are players in the NFL. If you want to know who's who just ask!


Most people have a certain kind of person they find appealing.

And just like most people, I'm horribly predictable.

My friends can pick out what guy I'm going to go for almost as quick as I can. See. I have a type - a very-particular, well-defined type.

Think lumberjacks.

I like them built like professional NFL linebackers, with beards and bad dance moves.

My Kind of Guys

Seriously you put Jason Kelce of the Eagles or Brett Keisel of the Steelers in front of me, and after I got over the shell shock, I'd flirt my ass off.

Seriously if I had to pick the top 10 sexiest men in the world. Those guys up there would be my top 4, followed by the Brawny man.  Not the new one... the old one with the molestash that looks a bit like Howard Keel from the movie "Annie Get Your Gun."

Most of my friends think my type of guy is actually the most unfortunate kind of guy they've ever seen in their life. I think they are so sexy. Sue me. I have a type.

My friends, like most girls, are normally into guys built like quarterbacks and kickers and running backs, which to me are cute, but I'm not going to be breaking anyone's nose to jump them. These are the typical guys. These are the cuties. These are the actual "sexiest" guys alive, and I could care less.

My Friend's Kind of Guys 

However, on some rare occasions, my friends and I might find someone who is a perfect mix of both our types - think tight ends and burlier quarterbacks. This is when we have some problems.

Both of Our Kind of Guys

When guys like this enter the picture (or the bar), we start to have a problem. 

See - like all groups of friends, my group is very different. We have shy girls, forward girls, in between girls, and each of us has our own style of attracting men.  

I'm not going to lie, the odds that I'm going to stride up to you in a bar is 1 in a MILLION (unless I'm plastered), because I've got a slow and steady win the race mentality. It could be a couple weeks of seeing you around town before I go up to you, but, unlike me, my friend Sam will make it known in the first five minutes. 

Well ladies and gentlemen this can make it horribly awkward for all parties if you're mad crushing someone but your friend dives in first. 


Guys came up with a system many, many years ago, which the girls are just starting to catch onto - Dibs. 

What is dibs

1st - Get out from under that rock. 

2nd - Dibs is when you see a potential walk into the bar/ across the room/ at the game and you are SO into them, and you want your friends to know to back off. 

This is where you shout, "DIBS!"

Usually when I shout, "dibs," my friends all turn at me and say, "dude, you can HAVE him." 

Unless they look like the guys in the last group of photos, then people might get upset, but.. 

Dibs is sacred. 

You do not fuck with dibs. 

Fucking with dibs is like fucking with a Panda Bear - it might seem like just a simple little thing, but if you fuck with a Panda Bear they'll tear your head off. 

If you fuck with dibs, you put your flirting life on the line for the next two weeks, because breaking dibs means you lose dibbing privileges for a FULL two weeks. 

This doesn't mean Saturday to Saturday and on the next Saturday you get to start using dibs again, this means on the SUNDAY post the Saturday you get dibs again. 

If you fuck with dibs, and you're on dibbing probation, and then break dibs again, you can find some new people to go out with, because then you lose your friend honor. 

If you're willing to repetively step on your friend's toes for a guy, how good of a friend are you really? Bros before ho's and chicks before dicks. Sometimes you have to sacrifice your flirting for the honor of the group. 

It's the whole Three Musketeers mentality. It's the "All for one and one for all" mentality where, if you call dibs, your friends are obligated to wingman for you to the best of their ability unless they're flirting their ass off with someone else. It's the I'm going to let you have this one, because you saw him first - so that the next one you can call, if you're quick enough. There's an honor to dibbing, because if someone is calling dibs, they're going to give it their best - even if their best isn't your version of the best. 


What is silent dibs? 

Silent dibs is what happens when you or a friend have slept-with/hooked-up-with/made-out-with someone and would like to continue sleeping/hooking-up/making-out with that person, and it is known to the group. 

Silent dibs is not necessarily spoken. It's usually just an understanding between friends that they might still be interested in pursuing more nights/days of passion. 

If they've hit a base with that person - they're off limits unless they relinquish dibs. 

Relinquishing dibs must be verbal, and in order to relinquish dibs, the person relinquishing MUST look you in the eyes to relinquish. Otherwise, they might still think that there could be potential in the future, and you don't want to step on their toes no matter how hot the guy/girl is. 

Now these are just my dib-pinions. What are some of y'alls? Is dibbing with your groups sacred? Is dibbing chauvinistic? Is dibbing dumb? I'd like to know! 

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