Sunday, December 11, 2011

Where are all my bad dates?!

A lot of people get into writing dating blogs, because they have a series of really god-awful dates. The stories are amusing. One of their friends say, "hey, you always have the funniest dating stories, you should write a blog!" They come up with a clever name, and then they start writing, which is good because bad dating stories are hilarious.

But as a dating blogger, I feel like I'm missing out on a key part of life because,

I never have...

I've had awkward dates.
I've had mediocre dates.
I've had wonderful dates.

That's all.

The worst date I ever had was with a gentleman from the internet who was really into marathon running, staying healthy, keeping an active life-style, while eating a strict regimen of raw organic food.

He managed to struggle down the pizza we shared, but I knew that the wedding bells were not going to chime on that one.

Because, I really like twilight zone marathons, staying in the kitchen (oh yeah, bring on your jokes), keeping an active social life (*cough* drinking *cough*), while eating whatever cheesy and tomato sauced confection winds up on my plate, including but not limited to enchiladas, chicken parmesan, mozzarella sticks, pizza, pizza bites, mexican pizza, pizza bagels, pizza sandwiches, etc.. My exercise routine is a series of dancing at the bars, in my apartment, in my car, elevators, public bathrooms, etc... I really like dancing.

Even though the wedding bells didn't ring, and he knew it was not meant to be, the very decent and upstanding man paid for the date and walked me to my car, which to me was a very, very sweet thing to do. I thanked him profusely, and we parted ways.

That's it.

That's my "bad" date story.

And it's not like I didn't try to find one, for a while when I first started dating fresh out of college, I didn't turn any one down... but nope. Not a single bad guy in the bunch (aside from Dicky MacDickerson). The guys I date and I are just never really meant for each other.

Now that doesn't mean I haven't had bad make out stories, because those could fill a book...

For example this one time I was making out with this guy and he stopped in the middle of it to ask if he could put on the movie, "Dawn of the Dead," while we were making out. So I said, "uh suuuure." Different strokes for different folks and all that.

Oh wait... scratch that. That was every night for nearly three months of my freshman year of college. Seriously... I dated a guy for three months who really liked making out to "Dawn of the Dead." I've seen the beginning of that movie AT LEAST 90 times (and people wonder why I dont like zombie movies).

And it's not all on the guys either, one time, I was making out with this guy and I had read in one of those Cosmo type magazines that the way to blow a guy's mind was to actually take his breath away in the middle of a kiss.

Well I'm a horribly curious individual, so I wanted to try it. So I'm in the middle of kissing this guy and I do the whole, suck-the-air-out of the guy's mouth thing. Not only did it fail miserably, after attempting it for the better part of five/ten minutes I only succeeded in gagging myself twice, sucking his gum into my mouth, and biting my own tongue.

Disclaimer: I told him what I was trying to do, and he got it on the first try. Rude. 

So what I guess I'm trying to say is, I want to hear your bad dating stories!


  1. I feel the same way.... my blog is always missing bad dates. I would say the majority of my dates are mediocre. not great not bad.

    and maybe I should date your freshman year boyfriend. making out to zombie movies is probably why i like zombie movies.

  2. Anonymous12/15/2011

    I think that the best dating stories aren't the ones about bad dates per se, but the ones that are told effectively. That being said, are you really missing out? It sounds like you're a step ahead of the game! I know tons of people with bad dating stories and, while they're fun to hear, good dating stories can be just as interesting (and more pleasing to the person doing the dating)


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