Quadfecta of Electronic Dumping

I was actually never going to post this post. I was going to let it sit here in my unfinished posts, because it was never supposed to be relevant again, but this past week I ran into the guy it's about, and his continued chicken behavior still irks me.

So ends the story of NotBen.

Now I've been dumped a lot of ways.

The slow fade.

The cold turkey.

The text message. (You're still a dick, sir)

The instant message. (gotta love technology)

The phone call.

The in-person.

The skype.

The I'm too busy to call you on Thanksgiving because I'm with my family, and you're too needy (I'm sorry, quat?) This was prequealed by the 'I refuse to listen to you cry because your Aunt died. You can read all about this here. (Sometimes I should just read the signs).

The raging belligerent dumping at 3 a.m. in my dorm hallway because I didn't want to watch "Dawn of the Dead" for the 133rd time (I really can't make this shit up).

The belligerent naked man cornering me in his room, wondering why I just wont do him... (for starters you're naked - I'm not - and you're not Barney Stinson).

AND NOW!!!!!! <--- Now means like 6 months ago when this actually happened.

The let me tell you through text that I'm going to break up with you via an email...

Oh yes.

Ladies and Gentlemen it gets worse than a belligerent former marine beating down your dorm door at 3 a.m.

It gets mental.

Some of the men in my life are so unhinged and mentally similar to a five year old, that they cannot actually just come out and say - "I want to not date you anymore." 

I realize that I should have figured out that it wasn't going to work since he was a graduate of my alma mater, which is notorious for producing men of "superb stock," who think they're the king of the world when in fact they're actually only getting tail because the ratio is skewed, (70% female to 30% male, and I'm not making that up). I'm just saying women enjoy sexytime as much as menfolk do.

So women's standards are lowered in order to get some themselves. In fact at my alma mater I can think of maybe 10 guys... in the history of my knowledge of people at AU who aren't complete d-bags when in a 'relationship' with women.

(I probably just pissed a lot of guys from my alma mater off, but let's be real the majority of them treated the girls like crap because they knew they could get away with it - I'm not saying all of them did, I'm just saying a lot of them).

But I digressed. ANYWAY.

I should have known it was going to end quicker than a Roman Candle in the hands of a 12 year old boy, but I had such-HIGH-hopes. He seemed genuine.

In fact he had many plusses going for him.

He was a friend of a friend, +1 <--- BUILT IN RECOMMENDATION!!!
He was intelligent, +1
He was outgoing, +1
He was sporty, +1
He was following his passions, +1
He was funny, +1
He had a bad boy streak a mile wide, +1
He enjoyed quality fro yo, +1
He was cute! +1

So me wearing my naive girl panties, completely tossed all care into the wind and said, "Feet, start jumping."

After both of my feet landed, I hit the ground running. We had a great first date thing, followed by watching a Saint's game together one evening, followed by...

Nothing

Nothing

Nothing

"Hey, um, I realize you're out of town right now, but when you get back I need my parking pass because I have a friend coming to visit."

Nothing

Nothing

Nothing

"Hey, I know you're probs crazy busy, just coming back into town, but I really need that parking pass..."

Nothing

Nothing

Nothing

"Heya, if you're just really not interested in seeing me anymore that's cool, but I need that pass - could you give it to our friend A, and I'll grab it from him."

Nothing

Nothing

Nothing...

Days pass, until finally...

TIME: 12:35 A.M, while I'm fast asleep, "I left it on your windshield."

TIME: 9:30 A.M, when I wake up, "WHAT?!!? YOU LEFT MY PARKING PASS ON MY WINDSHIELD!?!?! OUT IN THE OPEN?!!? IN A KNOWN CRIME AREA?!!??!" (ARE YOU A FUCKING MORON?) 

TIME: 9:31 A.M, when I reach my car out of breath and see NOTHING on my windshield, "It's not there you fucking asshole!"
"I'll pay you for it."
"That's not the fucking point. How much do you seriously not want to see me that you couldn't even hand me my parking pass? Am I seriously that horrible of a person?"
"Look, I'm going to send you an email to explain why I can't date you, what's your email address?"

Now my first thought is (1) does this guy have an STD? (2) Who emails a break-up letter, just call me up and say, "it's not working." I'm a relatively level-headed individual, I get that sometimes it doesn't work out, and (3) How dumb do you have to be to leave a parking pass... OUT IN THE OPEN, on a windshield, in a KNOWN crime area.

So after I got his text about the email, I sent him my email address...

Nothing

Nothing

Nothing

You get the idea.

There's a lot more to the story that I'm leaving out for the sake of our mutual friends who might come across this, but in case you were wondering what else happened, I'll tell you this. When I saw the guy at the event this week, a surge of rage, usually reserved for Dicky MacDickerson swept through my body. The need to rip his face off was strong, but for the sake of my professional career, I decided to lay off the crazy pills.

He told one of our mutual friends that he couldn't believe I was there, that he needed to apologize for being a class A dickwad.

He never made it across the room to apologize. In fact, when it was down to just me, our good friend A, and a few of my friends left in the room, he didn't even stop to say bye to HIS FRIEND - A. Nope, instead, he ran out of that room like someone had set fire to his non-existent balls.

So here's my question to you, the readers. If someone KNOWS they're being a dick/ass/bitch, and will later feel remorse and the need to apologize, why do they act that way in the first place? Isn't it just better to be a good human being, all the time?


So anyway, I can hear y'all wondering, "what is the POINT of this post?"

I was riding in the car Tuesday with my friend Harm, talking about our dating lives when he said something really poignant.

"Why can't people just treat other people like human beings?" <--- POINT.

He also said that today computer screens have completely dehumanized interactions. We act as though there's not another person sitting on the other end of that connection, but there is.

And he's so fucking right. SO RIGHT. Between all these new methods of dating via the computer and your cell phone with things like circle.s or whatever that site is called, people are becoming less people-y and more detached from human form in our minds, if that makes any sense.

I admit it. Sometimes I just don't want to face telling someone I don't want to date them anymore, but knowing at the end of the date that it's not going anywhere, is soooooo much better than finding out after you've sent three text messages that show your cute and sassy side, to which they have not responded. So that's what I do. At the end of the date if I'm not feeling the spark or am a little creeped out by their collection of taxidermied rodents, I just say, "you know what I had a lot of fun, I really did, but I'm so sorry, I just don't think a second date would be a good idea."

BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT HUMANS SHOULD DO!!!!

Yes, I am a master of the cold turkey. God, I am a master of the cold turkey, but I know how much that sucks, because I've been on the other side and have felt the chill of its wintery-poultry-smelling grasp. So unless the person is a complete psychopath, see the Marine, I tend to actually own up to not wanting to talk to them in that manner anymore.

Because the fact of the matter is, we all need to man up.

Where are all my bad dates?!

A lot of people get into writing dating blogs, because they have a series of really god-awful dates. The stories are amusing. One of their friends say, "hey, you always have the funniest dating stories, you should write a blog!" They come up with a clever name, and then they start writing, which is good because bad dating stories are hilarious.

But as a dating blogger, I feel like I'm missing out on a key part of life because,

I never have...

I've had awkward dates.
I've had mediocre dates.
And
I've had wonderful dates.

That's all.

The worst date I ever had was with a gentleman from the internet who was really into marathon running, staying healthy, keeping an active life-style, while eating a strict regimen of raw organic food.

He managed to struggle down the pizza we shared, but I knew that the wedding bells were not going to chime on that one.

Because, I really like twilight zone marathons, staying in the kitchen (oh yeah, bring on your jokes), keeping an active social life (*cough* drinking *cough*), while eating whatever cheesy and tomato sauced confection winds up on my plate, including but not limited to enchiladas, chicken parmesan, mozzarella sticks, pizza, pizza bites, mexican pizza, pizza bagels, pizza sandwiches, etc.. My exercise routine is a series of dancing at the bars, in my apartment, in my car, elevators, public bathrooms, etc... I really like dancing.

Even though the wedding bells didn't ring, and he knew it was not meant to be, the very decent and upstanding man paid for the date and walked me to my car, which to me was a very, very sweet thing to do. I thanked him profusely, and we parted ways.

That's it.

That's my "bad" date story.

And it's not like I didn't try to find one, for a while when I first started dating fresh out of college, I didn't turn any one down... but nope. Not a single bad guy in the bunch (aside from Dicky MacDickerson). The guys I date and I are just never really meant for each other.

Now that doesn't mean I haven't had bad make out stories, because those could fill a book...

For example this one time I was making out with this guy and he stopped in the middle of it to ask if he could put on the movie, "Dawn of the Dead," while we were making out. So I said, "uh suuuure." Different strokes for different folks and all that.

Oh wait... scratch that. That was every night for nearly three months of my freshman year of college. Seriously... I dated a guy for three months who really liked making out to "Dawn of the Dead." I've seen the beginning of that movie AT LEAST 90 times (and people wonder why I dont like zombie movies).

And it's not all on the guys either, one time, I was making out with this guy and I had read in one of those Cosmo type magazines that the way to blow a guy's mind was to actually take his breath away in the middle of a kiss.

Well I'm a horribly curious individual, so I wanted to try it. So I'm in the middle of kissing this guy and I do the whole, suck-the-air-out of the guy's mouth thing. Not only did it fail miserably, after attempting it for the better part of five/ten minutes I only succeeded in gagging myself twice, sucking his gum into my mouth, and biting my own tongue.

Disclaimer: I told him what I was trying to do, and he got it on the first try. Rude. 




So what I guess I'm trying to say is, I want to hear your bad dating stories!