After a string of horribly unsuccessful dates that we're calling March Madness, I think I had a successful one. However, I'm not too sure, whether or not I was actually on a date or just hanging out...
Since I'm not the only one who has had this problem within the last week or so, this post is going to be all about determining whether or not you're actually on a date with a few helpful questions.
1. Is it predetermined?
Was the meeting set up a few days ahead of time...?
or
Did they call 5 mins before, because they were hungry?
or
Is it 4 a.m. and he just got off work at the bar? Subtext booty.
2. How did you get to the restaurant?
Were you picked up?
or
Did you get there by yourself?
or
Did you beg him to come pick you up cause you ran out of gas, at which point, he says never mind?
3. How'd you pick the restaurant?
Joint Decision?
or
Did he say "I needed Lebanese food like yesterday?"
or
Were you walking down the street with no destination and your favorite restaurant looms ahead, to which they say, let's go there?
or
Did he find the double golden arches and say, "hamburgers are so cheap, let's go there!"
4. How is the conversation?
Healthy mix of conversation?
or
Dead silence while she inhales her food?
or
All she does is complain about everything (not necessarily a way to tell, but I'd stop dating them if all they do is complain).
5. What happens afterwards?
Do they hop, jump, skip to their car as fast as possible and speed away?
or
Are they open to something else?
or
Did they hand their number to the waitress and drop you off at your place only to go back to hers?
6. Who Paid?
Predetermined Dutch?
or
The person who asked the other one out?
or
They asked you out, but you offer to pay, and they don't insist you put your money away.
I'm sure out of this list of six questions you can determine whether or not you're on a date
.
But what happens if your evening has met all the requirements, and you're standing there unkissed at the end of the night? I'm sure you're thinking, but I thought it went so well!!! I thought we had the Best. Night. Ever. So here's a final question for you...
7. What does it mean if it's date 2 and you still haven't been kissed?
Maybe they're horribly shy...
or
Maybe they can't tell if you want to be kissed, for example you started out as good friends and they broke the barrier by asking you out.
or
Maybe they realize this isn't going to work.
I'm just saying that there are situations where a person who likes you, still hasn't kissed you by the end of date 2.
Here's what I suggest. If they stop calling... they're probably over it. If they continue to pursue, I'd go with the first or second reasons. In order to ascertain whether or not they actually are interested in pursuing you, get into their personal space. Linger on a hug longer than necessary and look them in the eye. If you're close enough and go half way towards their face as if to kiss them, they should close the distance if there's interest. If they don't, you could do what one of my friends did when entrapping a manfriend. She simply walked right up to him and said, "Are you gonna kiss me or what!?" It's bold, but she did it, and landed a boyfriend out of it. So. It's doable.
Also in order to discover when new blog posts are going to be coming your way. Check me out on Twitter, SingleDC
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
DATE IDEAS for This Week!
Stumbled upon this in my tweeting lunch break!
http://www.nbcwashington.com/blogs/niteside/What-Youre-Doing-This-Week-118382364.html
You can also follow me on twitter @DCLoro
http://www.nbcwashington.com/blogs/niteside/What-Youre-Doing-This-Week-118382364.html
You can also follow me on twitter @DCLoro
Monday, March 14, 2011
Dating Season
Spring is like catnip for singles.
Before you know it everyone who is anyone has someone that they can't seem to get enough of, and if you want to beat the trend and catch the good ones before they're caught for the season, you need to be on the up and up of places to go to meet cool, trendy, and fun people looking to couple up.
Sports on the Mall
It's pick up game season. The sun is starting to send a bit of warmth and before you know it, young adults will be swarming the National Mall and the parks in the area with bats, balls, and cleats in hand. For what it's worth, buy a frisbee. Pick a friend. Go to the Mall, and I'm sure you'll make a friend or two before the day is through.
Gym, Yoga Class, the Pool
Chances are you'll also meet someone who has similar goals of keeping in tip top shape. The key to meeting people in this fashion is to be friendly and not worry about how nappy your hair looks, because theirs probably looks just as bad.
The Bus/Metro
You've been making eye contact with them since December. Day in Day out, they're consistently 3 seats away from you morning and evening. It's about time you stepped up to the plate. Maybe move 2 seats closer. You know they have a particular seat. They know that you do, and it's about time you stepped out of your comfort zone and into the hot seat. Literally... the person next to them just got up. You should sit down.
A Concert
It's loud. It's rocking, and people are there to have a good time. Even the people working. I'm not saying become the next groupie, but I am saying that sound and lighting guys are just as single as the drunk ass mo-fo hanging all over the bar. So, take an interest. Ask questions. Be engaging. Really those are lessons for dating in general. The more interested you are in someone's life. The more willing they are to 1. talk with you. 2. break down their barriers and 3. actively consider to see you outside of the current situation.
The Internet.
I know you think I'm crazy, but trust me on this. If you can shuffle through the "oh hey sexay you totes my woman" posts, then you can probably find someone worth dating.
Dog Park
If you have a dog, you have an instant in, especially if your dog is curious and likes to sniff people's crotches... or ankles if they're tiny. If you don't have a dog, it's time you pulled out a book (or picked up dog walking) and visited your local dog park anyway. You could just be sitting on a bench outside your apartment enjoying a drag off a cig, when up walks Charlie and his owner Sam. Before you know it, you've got to stub out the cig, but you've also got a new friend, who probably visits the park at least once a week, if not daily.
Batting Cages. (Works better if you're a girl)
If you're sporty and looking to pick up someone equally so. VISIT PLACES THEY HANG OUT. Don't go to the Kennedy Center's free concerts (unless you want someone artsy too). GO SOMEWHERE SPORTY. Granted I only know of one batting cage in the area, but If you and friend go and there's a cutie in the next cage. Ask for advice. If their advice sucks, pretend it's awesome... or challenge them. Either way.
Farmer's Markets
Hello spring time, thy name is fresh fruit. I saw the first watermelon of the season last weekend, and boy did it just light up my life. The great thing about spring is that everyone has just come out of a 4 month extension of cabin fever. They're out, about, and looking to enjoy themselves in the newly warm weather. If you like fresh produce and enjoy soaking up the much needed vitamin D from el sol, the farmer's market will be a great place for you to take part of both. BONUS: Everyone else there is out doing the same thing. So you automatically have something in common, and if you reach for the same ear of corn, by jove, instant conversation starter. "The corn this year is so gorgeous." (yes that comment is lame, but you get the point). ENGAGE IN CONVERSATIONS PEOPLE!!
So wherever your cookie crumbles this spring dating season, take a minute to look around for potentials, because if you're looking, chances are someone's looking for someone just like you.
Before you know it everyone who is anyone has someone that they can't seem to get enough of, and if you want to beat the trend and catch the good ones before they're caught for the season, you need to be on the up and up of places to go to meet cool, trendy, and fun people looking to couple up.
Sports on the Mall
It's pick up game season. The sun is starting to send a bit of warmth and before you know it, young adults will be swarming the National Mall and the parks in the area with bats, balls, and cleats in hand. For what it's worth, buy a frisbee. Pick a friend. Go to the Mall, and I'm sure you'll make a friend or two before the day is through.
Gym, Yoga Class, the Pool
Chances are you'll also meet someone who has similar goals of keeping in tip top shape. The key to meeting people in this fashion is to be friendly and not worry about how nappy your hair looks, because theirs probably looks just as bad.
The Bus/Metro
You've been making eye contact with them since December. Day in Day out, they're consistently 3 seats away from you morning and evening. It's about time you stepped up to the plate. Maybe move 2 seats closer. You know they have a particular seat. They know that you do, and it's about time you stepped out of your comfort zone and into the hot seat. Literally... the person next to them just got up. You should sit down.
A Concert
It's loud. It's rocking, and people are there to have a good time. Even the people working. I'm not saying become the next groupie, but I am saying that sound and lighting guys are just as single as the drunk ass mo-fo hanging all over the bar. So, take an interest. Ask questions. Be engaging. Really those are lessons for dating in general. The more interested you are in someone's life. The more willing they are to 1. talk with you. 2. break down their barriers and 3. actively consider to see you outside of the current situation.
The Internet.
I know you think I'm crazy, but trust me on this. If you can shuffle through the "oh hey sexay you totes my woman" posts, then you can probably find someone worth dating.
Dog Park
If you have a dog, you have an instant in, especially if your dog is curious and likes to sniff people's crotches... or ankles if they're tiny. If you don't have a dog, it's time you pulled out a book (or picked up dog walking) and visited your local dog park anyway. You could just be sitting on a bench outside your apartment enjoying a drag off a cig, when up walks Charlie and his owner Sam. Before you know it, you've got to stub out the cig, but you've also got a new friend, who probably visits the park at least once a week, if not daily.
Batting Cages. (Works better if you're a girl)
If you're sporty and looking to pick up someone equally so. VISIT PLACES THEY HANG OUT. Don't go to the Kennedy Center's free concerts (unless you want someone artsy too). GO SOMEWHERE SPORTY. Granted I only know of one batting cage in the area, but If you and friend go and there's a cutie in the next cage. Ask for advice. If their advice sucks, pretend it's awesome... or challenge them. Either way.
Farmer's Markets
Hello spring time, thy name is fresh fruit. I saw the first watermelon of the season last weekend, and boy did it just light up my life. The great thing about spring is that everyone has just come out of a 4 month extension of cabin fever. They're out, about, and looking to enjoy themselves in the newly warm weather. If you like fresh produce and enjoy soaking up the much needed vitamin D from el sol, the farmer's market will be a great place for you to take part of both. BONUS: Everyone else there is out doing the same thing. So you automatically have something in common, and if you reach for the same ear of corn, by jove, instant conversation starter. "The corn this year is so gorgeous." (yes that comment is lame, but you get the point). ENGAGE IN CONVERSATIONS PEOPLE!!
So wherever your cookie crumbles this spring dating season, take a minute to look around for potentials, because if you're looking, chances are someone's looking for someone just like you.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Frasier
Your sense of television describes a lot about you.
As a media person, I spend countless hours watching TV series trying to worm out the trends and work on new ideas. What I have noticed in this journey is that how someone interacts with TV or how a particular series makes us feel speaks volumes to who you are as a person.
Are you a "How I Met Your Mother" or "Will and Grace?"
Do you giggle at "Psych" or "American Pie?"
Are you guffawing over "Frasier" or do you prefer "Seinfeld?"
A friend asked me the other day, "Why do all these guys wanna know what TV I watch? It's not like my love of "Grey's Anatomy" is going to affect our relationship... unless he wants to go on a date at 9 p.m. on a Thursday...
Ooooh honey, you are sooooo wrong.
It's not something that should turn you off from a potential, but what a hardy conversation about television or movies does do, is show you a person's personality. My roommate is an "Office." She finds the topics, the humor, and the situations funny. She also has a very similar pithy sense of humor, and she's constantly on the up and up on new episodes. She's a modern day career woman.
I'm a "Frasier," What my love of "Frasier" tells you is that I find a healthy mix of low and high comedy endearing.
I have a close friend who is a "Dawson's Creek." Because this show is series where the plot is connected show by show. This shows she enjoys getting to know people over an extended period of time, developing strong bonds with people while also having the ability to weather good times and bad.
In that vein, how a person watches a show can also tell you a lot about them.
Do they watch every episode and buy the DVDs? This can show dedication and follow through, with a healthy dose of adoration for the show idea and the characters. If dating someone with this personality, pay close attention to the series they own, because that can tell you LOADS about their personality.
Do they tune in only for reruns, if they catch them? This kind of person is probably busy and only has time for shows that they remember from their youth. They tend to love re-living parts of their lives and hold onto the friendships which help them remember. They tend to be nostalgic dreamers about their future and don't easily let go of topics of which they're passionate.
Do they like series or sitcoms?
Do they adore comedy or drama?
Can they be found GLUED to their TV the minute their show is on TV?
or do they prefer to maneuver their watching of the show around their life?
The important thing to remember is if you catch someone who is an avid follower of made for tv movies and television shows, is that how they interact with that show, can tell you LOADS about who they are as a person. Granted, this is no scientific area of study, so for the most part you'll have to deduce your own reasoning, but it's another piece of the puzzle to ponder as you begin to date someone for the first time, especially if you don't know them all that well.
As a media person, I spend countless hours watching TV series trying to worm out the trends and work on new ideas. What I have noticed in this journey is that how someone interacts with TV or how a particular series makes us feel speaks volumes to who you are as a person.
Are you a "How I Met Your Mother" or "Will and Grace?"
Do you giggle at "Psych" or "American Pie?"
Are you guffawing over "Frasier" or do you prefer "Seinfeld?"
A friend asked me the other day, "Why do all these guys wanna know what TV I watch? It's not like my love of "Grey's Anatomy" is going to affect our relationship... unless he wants to go on a date at 9 p.m. on a Thursday...
Ooooh honey, you are sooooo wrong.
It's not something that should turn you off from a potential, but what a hardy conversation about television or movies does do, is show you a person's personality. My roommate is an "Office." She finds the topics, the humor, and the situations funny. She also has a very similar pithy sense of humor, and she's constantly on the up and up on new episodes. She's a modern day career woman.
I'm a "Frasier," What my love of "Frasier" tells you is that I find a healthy mix of low and high comedy endearing.
I have a close friend who is a "Dawson's Creek." Because this show is series where the plot is connected show by show. This shows she enjoys getting to know people over an extended period of time, developing strong bonds with people while also having the ability to weather good times and bad.
In that vein, how a person watches a show can also tell you a lot about them.
Do they watch every episode and buy the DVDs? This can show dedication and follow through, with a healthy dose of adoration for the show idea and the characters. If dating someone with this personality, pay close attention to the series they own, because that can tell you LOADS about their personality.
Do they tune in only for reruns, if they catch them? This kind of person is probably busy and only has time for shows that they remember from their youth. They tend to love re-living parts of their lives and hold onto the friendships which help them remember. They tend to be nostalgic dreamers about their future and don't easily let go of topics of which they're passionate.
Do they like series or sitcoms?
Do they adore comedy or drama?
Can they be found GLUED to their TV the minute their show is on TV?
or do they prefer to maneuver their watching of the show around their life?
The important thing to remember is if you catch someone who is an avid follower of made for tv movies and television shows, is that how they interact with that show, can tell you LOADS about who they are as a person. Granted, this is no scientific area of study, so for the most part you'll have to deduce your own reasoning, but it's another piece of the puzzle to ponder as you begin to date someone for the first time, especially if you don't know them all that well.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Are you burnt out?
You've been single and dating for a while.
You've dated Sam, Kelly, Lindsey, Ashley, Dana, and Alex.
You've poured out your heart and soul to each one of them, spending months and months getting to know them individually, only to have a split happen whether it be mutual, someone no longer has the time for you, someone cheats, or something just blew up in your faces.
So now you come to the question of how do you keep yourself positive and interested in the dating scene when at every turn you're consistently disappointed by the pitfalls of dating.
Well I have a few helpful hints.
1. Take the proper amount of time to morn for the lost potential. Give a good cry. Eat a few cookies. Down a tub of Caramel Cone Ice cream. If every time you see an audi and have fond and saddened memories for someone who drove one, highways are going to be difficult to navigate. What this means is that while dating you learn so much about the person you're with. You find out their quirks, their life, their favorite everything, and with all that learning, you start to become invested in who that person is. You become a friend. And just like losing a friend, losing someone you date is equally as difficult, because of that romantic entanglement. So it becomes necessary to take that step back and actually mourn the ending of that friendship. It's almost as if someone you care about dies, because they're (for the most part) no longer a part of your life and the emotion you poured into getting to know them, getting to care about them and their hopes and dreams, is a hard thing to just cut off.
2. Think about why the dating relationship failed. Was it because you were lying? Was it because they were unfaithful? Did they always have food in their teeth. Did you discover you didn't like hiking as much as you previously thought. Their love of sushi was creeping you out. If you know why something failed. You can fix it. Not necessarily for the ended relationship, but for all future dating experiences.
3. Forgive them. You wont be fun to be with if you're still bitter about the last person you dated. Consider this. If someone consistently calls their exes crazy feminist bitches, you're going to be the next crazy feminist bitch, because it's clear that they have a certain lack of compassion and forgiveness. Holding onto agression and harsh emotions is not only taxing on your heart, but also your body. Anger and stress, take a toll on your physical health. You need to learn that the best way to move forward is to forgive your past. Yes the end might have sucked immensely, but if you harbor all that resentment, you're not going to be a friendly choice for the next potential that comes along.
4. Determine if the reason why the relationship failed is fixable. Could an apology have fixed it? Could you floss your teeth more? Would they be willing to not go hiking so much? Is Middle Eastern food really not that bad? Is it possible to date when one of you has more time? Now that you know why it ended, you can take that knowledge and change.
5. Apply your new knowledge to future potentials. Remember you are amazing and one day you'll find the right person. Even Snow white had to live with 7 short annoying men before she met prince charming. Now if the reason it ended was because you had 9 toes. That's not so much changeable, but if it's something that you can change, like putting aside a little time every day just to see how that person's doing (especially if you know they're having a hard time). That, is something you can change. AND on top of that, because the giving of yourself, is the best way to invest yourself deeper into a relationship. If you take the time to say here. I'm willing to do x,y, and z because I know how much it means to you, then your potential is going to appreciate it all the more.
6. Get out there. Sitting on your laurels is only going to make it harder to get back on the horse later. People are more attractive to suitors when they're having a good time. So Go have fun. Go to a bar if it makes you happy! Meet the cute bouncer, get his number (SCoRE!!!) Hang out with friends. Join a kickball league. If you want to be in a relationship, sitting around at home isn't going to make it happen any quicker. (unless you're online dating). So you need to put yourself out there. You need to put yourself into situations you wouldn't normally. Ask friends if they have cute potentials for you. Talk to the cutie on the bus. Make friends with your neighbors, they have friends too. Just get out there.
Dating is hard. If it was easy, everyone would be coupled up. So while the continuous stress of trying to find the one might be wearing you down and stretching out every hope you have to the point of breaking your spirit. You might need a break. Or you might need to follow the above steps.
You've dated Sam, Kelly, Lindsey, Ashley, Dana, and Alex.
You've poured out your heart and soul to each one of them, spending months and months getting to know them individually, only to have a split happen whether it be mutual, someone no longer has the time for you, someone cheats, or something just blew up in your faces.
So now you come to the question of how do you keep yourself positive and interested in the dating scene when at every turn you're consistently disappointed by the pitfalls of dating.
Well I have a few helpful hints.
1. Take the proper amount of time to morn for the lost potential. Give a good cry. Eat a few cookies. Down a tub of Caramel Cone Ice cream. If every time you see an audi and have fond and saddened memories for someone who drove one, highways are going to be difficult to navigate. What this means is that while dating you learn so much about the person you're with. You find out their quirks, their life, their favorite everything, and with all that learning, you start to become invested in who that person is. You become a friend. And just like losing a friend, losing someone you date is equally as difficult, because of that romantic entanglement. So it becomes necessary to take that step back and actually mourn the ending of that friendship. It's almost as if someone you care about dies, because they're (for the most part) no longer a part of your life and the emotion you poured into getting to know them, getting to care about them and their hopes and dreams, is a hard thing to just cut off.
2. Think about why the dating relationship failed. Was it because you were lying? Was it because they were unfaithful? Did they always have food in their teeth. Did you discover you didn't like hiking as much as you previously thought. Their love of sushi was creeping you out. If you know why something failed. You can fix it. Not necessarily for the ended relationship, but for all future dating experiences.
3. Forgive them. You wont be fun to be with if you're still bitter about the last person you dated. Consider this. If someone consistently calls their exes crazy feminist bitches, you're going to be the next crazy feminist bitch, because it's clear that they have a certain lack of compassion and forgiveness. Holding onto agression and harsh emotions is not only taxing on your heart, but also your body. Anger and stress, take a toll on your physical health. You need to learn that the best way to move forward is to forgive your past. Yes the end might have sucked immensely, but if you harbor all that resentment, you're not going to be a friendly choice for the next potential that comes along.
4. Determine if the reason why the relationship failed is fixable. Could an apology have fixed it? Could you floss your teeth more? Would they be willing to not go hiking so much? Is Middle Eastern food really not that bad? Is it possible to date when one of you has more time? Now that you know why it ended, you can take that knowledge and change.
5. Apply your new knowledge to future potentials. Remember you are amazing and one day you'll find the right person. Even Snow white had to live with 7 short annoying men before she met prince charming. Now if the reason it ended was because you had 9 toes. That's not so much changeable, but if it's something that you can change, like putting aside a little time every day just to see how that person's doing (especially if you know they're having a hard time). That, is something you can change. AND on top of that, because the giving of yourself, is the best way to invest yourself deeper into a relationship. If you take the time to say here. I'm willing to do x,y, and z because I know how much it means to you, then your potential is going to appreciate it all the more.
6. Get out there. Sitting on your laurels is only going to make it harder to get back on the horse later. People are more attractive to suitors when they're having a good time. So Go have fun. Go to a bar if it makes you happy! Meet the cute bouncer, get his number (SCoRE!!!) Hang out with friends. Join a kickball league. If you want to be in a relationship, sitting around at home isn't going to make it happen any quicker. (unless you're online dating). So you need to put yourself out there. You need to put yourself into situations you wouldn't normally. Ask friends if they have cute potentials for you. Talk to the cutie on the bus. Make friends with your neighbors, they have friends too. Just get out there.
Dating is hard. If it was easy, everyone would be coupled up. So while the continuous stress of trying to find the one might be wearing you down and stretching out every hope you have to the point of breaking your spirit. You might need a break. Or you might need to follow the above steps.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
The First Date
A dear friend of mine recently went on a first date with a guy she was particularly keen to.
He was smart, good looking, interested in the same things she is, etc...
I don't know how the date turned out, because I haven't caught up with her on the subject, but it brought together an interesting thought. How does one behave on the first date?
Take for example, my recent job hunting extravaganza, aka, freelancing i.e. trying to impress everyone you meet within a minute time frame in order for them to think, wow, I want her to work on my next project.
So this column should more properly be called how the first date is like a job interview, but alas.
Step 1. Finding someone to date aka. Networking
In order to find potential first dates you have to do something the business world calls networking. This involves putting yourself out there in a room full of potentials and floating around the crowd. Talking to this one. Talking to that one, and making sure to get names, remember names, find out basics, and give (or take) numbers.
In the majority of situations, people normally find jobs through common connections. Much like one would find a potential date through a friend. Your friends are always a good resource to tap into. Make sure, though, that your friends know what you're looking for. What your type is, and your intentions. For example, you could be looking for an ambitious dreamer who looks like Forest Whitaker but only wants to boink, because you're not into that long term dating stuff. But your friend, who took your asking about potentials as a long term investment, starts setting you up with skinny white guys who like investment banking and long walks on the beach, which would be fine for you if you were going to be with them long enough to walk on the beach, but I digress.
For shy people networking might be a bit hard to do face to face, which is where online dating comes about. Online dating also can assist those too busy to network properly, those who don't know where to network, and those who have exhausted all options around them (see 75% female to 25% male University Ratio).
Step 2. Dressing for the date aka dress to impress.
Now I'm not saying break out the one of a kind gucci formal dress, ladies, and guys, a full blown pin stripe might be a bit much, but it should take you longer than 2 seconds to figure out what to wear. You're trying to put your best foot forward so that the potential thinks wow, I need to see them again Not, 'damn is that a hole in the crotch of his pants?' Consider the environment you're going to be entering and then dress for that situation. AND REMEMBER if it's your first date, but you agreed to go hiking, leave the heels at home, dress for the environment, but still dress to impress with your best/favorite color because the confidence from wearing that color will help you be the best you, you can be.
Step 3. The Date aka Interview
While on the date it should be assumed you know a little about this person, as you would know a little about a potential company. Try to engage your potential by asking intelligent, thoughtful, and genuinely interested questions. If you find yourself asking 'how many hours a week are you looking to date me,' you might want to reconsider your structure. This is your 1 hour-or-so-opportunity to find out as much about this person as possible. Don't barrage them with a constant slew of questions ranging from childhood fears to condom size, simply ask them about who they are. Where they're going. What they're passionate about. Where they grew up, and if you find something that interests you, don't stick to your list of questions let the conversation go where it may. Remember it's a date. It's a conversation between two people trying to figure out if they're compatible. Go with the flow and be yourself.
Step 4. After the Date aka Followup
A lot of people ask me, "when should I let my date know that I had a good time?" Well in some cases it's appropriate right then. If one of you says I had fun and then the other reciprocates, it's only natural to follow up with well what are you doing XXXday night! If it went really well but you were a bit shier with instigating another date, then text them when you get home and let them know what you thought of the date and how you'd like to do it again soon. Much like an interview, it's only polite to include a thank you for their time and stating how you enjoyed the time together (only do this if you actually enjoyed the time). Granted you dont have to send a hand written thank you, but a text that night or a phone call the next day is properly appropriate.
I do think that the old adage of wait three days is no longer applicable in today's society. With the constant communication whizzing through our phones and email, it's no longer proper social etiquette to wait to call after three days, instead this mindset has now become rude, because if someone waits three days now, your potential will think that you don't have the decency to step up to the plate and will instead find you to be rude and demeaning to the time you spent with them.
On the other hand, if you did not enjoy the first date and have no urge to go on future dates with that person, let them know. If they call you answer and explain that while they're a nice/fun/interesting/ambitious person, you just don't see your futures aligning. Remember be polite, because one day someone might be saying the same thing to you, and even if it's just the first date, being rejected at any stage is still painful to someone's pride.
GOOD LUCK OUT THERE & HAPPY DATING!
He was smart, good looking, interested in the same things she is, etc...
I don't know how the date turned out, because I haven't caught up with her on the subject, but it brought together an interesting thought. How does one behave on the first date?
Take for example, my recent job hunting extravaganza, aka, freelancing i.e. trying to impress everyone you meet within a minute time frame in order for them to think, wow, I want her to work on my next project.
So this column should more properly be called how the first date is like a job interview, but alas.
Step 1. Finding someone to date aka. Networking
In order to find potential first dates you have to do something the business world calls networking. This involves putting yourself out there in a room full of potentials and floating around the crowd. Talking to this one. Talking to that one, and making sure to get names, remember names, find out basics, and give (or take) numbers.
In the majority of situations, people normally find jobs through common connections. Much like one would find a potential date through a friend. Your friends are always a good resource to tap into. Make sure, though, that your friends know what you're looking for. What your type is, and your intentions. For example, you could be looking for an ambitious dreamer who looks like Forest Whitaker but only wants to boink, because you're not into that long term dating stuff. But your friend, who took your asking about potentials as a long term investment, starts setting you up with skinny white guys who like investment banking and long walks on the beach, which would be fine for you if you were going to be with them long enough to walk on the beach, but I digress.
For shy people networking might be a bit hard to do face to face, which is where online dating comes about. Online dating also can assist those too busy to network properly, those who don't know where to network, and those who have exhausted all options around them (see 75% female to 25% male University Ratio).
Step 2. Dressing for the date aka dress to impress.
Now I'm not saying break out the one of a kind gucci formal dress, ladies, and guys, a full blown pin stripe might be a bit much, but it should take you longer than 2 seconds to figure out what to wear. You're trying to put your best foot forward so that the potential thinks wow, I need to see them again Not, 'damn is that a hole in the crotch of his pants?' Consider the environment you're going to be entering and then dress for that situation. AND REMEMBER if it's your first date, but you agreed to go hiking, leave the heels at home, dress for the environment, but still dress to impress with your best/favorite color because the confidence from wearing that color will help you be the best you, you can be.
Step 3. The Date aka Interview
While on the date it should be assumed you know a little about this person, as you would know a little about a potential company. Try to engage your potential by asking intelligent, thoughtful, and genuinely interested questions. If you find yourself asking 'how many hours a week are you looking to date me,' you might want to reconsider your structure. This is your 1 hour-or-so-opportunity to find out as much about this person as possible. Don't barrage them with a constant slew of questions ranging from childhood fears to condom size, simply ask them about who they are. Where they're going. What they're passionate about. Where they grew up, and if you find something that interests you, don't stick to your list of questions let the conversation go where it may. Remember it's a date. It's a conversation between two people trying to figure out if they're compatible. Go with the flow and be yourself.
Step 4. After the Date aka Followup
A lot of people ask me, "when should I let my date know that I had a good time?" Well in some cases it's appropriate right then. If one of you says I had fun and then the other reciprocates, it's only natural to follow up with well what are you doing XXXday night! If it went really well but you were a bit shier with instigating another date, then text them when you get home and let them know what you thought of the date and how you'd like to do it again soon. Much like an interview, it's only polite to include a thank you for their time and stating how you enjoyed the time together (only do this if you actually enjoyed the time). Granted you dont have to send a hand written thank you, but a text that night or a phone call the next day is properly appropriate.
I do think that the old adage of wait three days is no longer applicable in today's society. With the constant communication whizzing through our phones and email, it's no longer proper social etiquette to wait to call after three days, instead this mindset has now become rude, because if someone waits three days now, your potential will think that you don't have the decency to step up to the plate and will instead find you to be rude and demeaning to the time you spent with them.
On the other hand, if you did not enjoy the first date and have no urge to go on future dates with that person, let them know. If they call you answer and explain that while they're a nice/fun/interesting/ambitious person, you just don't see your futures aligning. Remember be polite, because one day someone might be saying the same thing to you, and even if it's just the first date, being rejected at any stage is still painful to someone's pride.
GOOD LUCK OUT THERE & HAPPY DATING!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Sporty Dates - ROLLER DERBY!?
Looking for another indoor dating idea for those sporty people outthere who don't want to run about in the cold?
Just how most of you had no idea about the DC Rugby Swap; I'm sure a ton of you had no idea that it's Roller Derby Season!
DC Women's Roller Derby is in season and they have games coming up! For $12 a ticket, it's definitely affordable, and they play just off the Stadium/Armory Metro Stop at the DC Armory.
Check out their WEBSITE!
Just how most of you had no idea about the DC Rugby Swap; I'm sure a ton of you had no idea that it's Roller Derby Season!
DC Women's Roller Derby is in season and they have games coming up! For $12 a ticket, it's definitely affordable, and they play just off the Stadium/Armory Metro Stop at the DC Armory.
Check out their WEBSITE!
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