Sunday, April 1, 2012

5 Tips to Better Flirting

We've all heard the typical flirting techniques - the hair twirl, the joyful laugh, the wink (I only know one man that can pull this off and still make me want to kiss him), the look into their eyes, a little flattery, etc... BUT! There are a few more tips (aka the under-utilized bits of flirting) that can take your typical flirts from "ow", to POW!

And yes I realize how cheesy that sounded.

You don't have to be the funniest person in the room to get a girl/guy interested in chatting you up. In fact, you don't even have to be the cutest person in the room. All you need to do is keep the following tips in your back pocket to pull out at a moment's notice.

1. Smile
This is by far the most important flirting tip I could ever give you. A well-timed smile will get you so far in your flirting life that even if you can't master any other technique, you'll still be well equipped to make it out there in the real world.

BUT there are different kinds of smiles that you need to remember so that you're not just making the same goofy face every five seconds.

(A) The Genuine Smile
            I'm not going to explain this one, because if you need an explanation on how to smile like a normal well-adjusted human being you shouldn't be flirting in the first place.

(B) The Coy Smile
            This is best employed when you first meet each other, or when the person you're flirting with gives you a compliment. It's typically employed with a slight head bob implying modesty and shyness. If you're not shy. PRETEND. No actually don't (I'm never going to suggest you be someone you're not), but if the person you're talking to does say something that makes you feel a little shy or a little humble, react accordingly.

(C) The Come Hither Smile
            I'm not one to brag, but this is my best smile, because a come hither smile that gets the desired results takes practice and dedication, and trust you me I have had some practice.

Like your first kiss, your come hither smile will give a lasting impression of who you are as a 'seductress' or 'seducer'... "If it is weak, she will think you are weak. And if it is comical she will think you are a clown... And as [you are] never weak and only rarely a clown, your first [come hither smile] must be all the things that you are" (thank you, Porthos - Disney's The Three Musketeers, 1993).

You can see a pretty good example at minute 2:35 of "Hungry Like the Wolf," if you can get past all of Duran Duran's bad acting...



(D) The Really? You, Really, Just Said That? Smile
              This smile is that smile you give them right after they've made the dumbest joke told in the history of the world. You know exactly what I'm talking about because we've all been there. We've all been in the midst of one of those stories where the ending is less than savory or the story is a bit too bizarre to be accurate, but you still want the potential to know that you can roll with the punches. So you smile. And then you probably give an eye roll. And then you say, "good story bro, tell it again," or "and then you found $5?"

(E) The You're Too Damn Cute Smile 
              As opposed to the smile above where you think something your potential said is bizarre, this smile shows how much you're into their stories because they're cute. You know what I'm talking about it's when a guy starts talking about how his puppy did the funniest thing, or when a girl starts talking about her passion for baking blueberry crumble.

It's a genuine, attracted smile that continues to convey interest, and most times it's associated with a hand touching their heart of grabbing for your hand. Do it. No matter how silly you think you look. Do it.

2. Touch Without Being Creepy
You all know exactly what I'm talking about. How many times have you been brushed by in a club and some creepster grabs your ass? How many times have you been chatting with a really cute potential and then all the sudden they "accidentally" boob graze. It's not cool, and it will get you nothing but grief and the black list.

If you're going to TOUCH somebody, you can touch them in two ways - physically and emotionally.


(A) Physically
                Physical touches when flirting should be limited to non-erogenous zones. Unless you've already progressed past flirting into more intimate encounters with said person. If you have not, then limit touches to acceptable spots - elbows, knees, mid-back, arms, hands, and in RARE circumstances their hair.

If you're touching anything else aside from playing footsies, you're entering chancy territory, because anything more than those places can be determined a bit too forward, and unless you know exactly what kind of potential you're talking to, it's best to just play it on the safe side.

(B) Emotionally
                If you can touch the heart strings of the person you're flirting with, then you've advanced past what most people can accomplish when flirting. It's one thing to touch a person physically but to touch someone's emotions, takes practice and care. It shows that you're someone they might want to keep around for awhile, so they're going to be MORE interested in continuing to flirt and chat with you, because they can see that you're a quality person.

I have no examples of this from my own life, because well... I'm not that good, but think of it like this... let's consider physical touch to be similar to TrueBlood and emotional touch to be similar to "The Notebook" or "Dear John." It takes a more refined "palette" to be able to utilize the second one properly. Everyone can attempt to make Trueblood with fake teeth and a waitress costume, but not everyone can dive into the nuances of a Nicholas Sparks' novel/screenplay.

3. Engage
Ask some fucking questions. I am so tired of getting into a session of witty banter where all that happens is... witty banter. Don't get me wrong, there are few things on the planet I love more than a good round of wit and snark mixed in with some sarcasm and quick words, but this a future does not make, because once you get past all that wit, you'll know nothing about that person.

You need to ask questions. You need to engage them in an actual conversation where you learn a bit more than oh, that's the guy with the great eyes or that's the girl with the killer rack. Knowing something about that person that you can reference or ask about the next time you talk to them, will leave no doubt in that person's mind that you're into them. Remembering that she was going to compete in a triathlon or that he was going to show his dog in the AKC competition will lead into a more in depth flirting relationship.

4. Commit 
If you're about to put yourself out there to chat up that sexy single over there, then you better commit to it. You can't half ass a good flirt. You have to have a system that works for you and commit to using it and commit to using it well and commit to using it with your target.

For example, when I know I'm going to be doing some hard core flirting with the bartender of my choice, I milk every last ounce of flirt that I have in my flirt-o-dex.

You can reference my how to get a drink faster than anyone else at the bar list. I'm going to be real with you, this works 90% of the time on male bartenders and 80% of the time on lesbian bartenders. (Yes I just made those statistics up, but trust me it works).

(1) I commit to leaning over the bar to show my cleavage (I know years of feminism, but if I have them, I might as well use them)(guys this does not work to the same level if you throw your penis up on the bar, in fact, you should probably not do that... it might get you kicked out. You could probably just get away with showing off your strong arms or your strong jaw line).
(2) I commit to plastering that 'damn you sir are one sexy mo-fo smile' on my face.
(3) I commit to making eye contact like there is no tomorrow. SMILE AND MAKE EYE CONTACT.
(4) I commit to lingering slightly too long with the credit card or money while I bat those eye lashes and thank them a bit too profusely... maybe it cheapens me, who knows. I just know it works.

Trust me on this one ladies and gents, it works every time. Seriously you can ask my friends about this one. If we're in a crowded bar, trying to get a drink, send me to the front lines, because I am always on a mission.

WHY Does this work? Because I've appealed to the four main emotional and physical desires of every human. Sex, Happiness, Recognition, and Human Companionship. If you appeal to these four main desires, then more often than not, the person you're flirting with will take notice. They'll see that you're committing to flirting with them and that you're interested in them for what/who they are.

If you can't commit to an idea and be confident in what you're trying to achieve then your target is going to realize it. And when they realize that you're only slightly trying to vie for their attention, they'll turn their attention elsewhere, because face it - you're one in 6 billion and not in a good way.


5. Make an Exit
Flirting is all well and good, but the point of a good flirt is to make them want more. What good is flirting an entire night away only to discover the next day that they don't want to talk to you anymore? NONE.

Knowing when to make the appropriate exit, gives you the advantage in this game of romantic cat and mouse.

This is another reason as to why you should also have a business card, because sitting there making small talk while he tries to put your phone number into his phone can make the whole situation even more awkward. You want to get in there, make an impression, and leave them wanting more.

This does not under any circumstance mean you network your way around the bar, it means make a connection and create a lasting impression that leaves them hungry, like Fabio for  I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!

So Get Flirting

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