Thursday, April 5, 2012

Off The Hunt

I'm done with prowling, trolling, getting dolled up, asking someone to take me out, asking someone if they're single, going out to bars with other intentions, clicking 2 stars on quickmatch, etc...

I'm done.

I'm done sitting around with people in relationships and listening to them spout off useless quotes about how, "you'll find him when you're not looking," "you should meet my friend Mike," or "I'm so lucky to have my boyfriend Barry." I'm going to say this right here and now, if you're one of those people in relationships that constantly spout this line of B.S. to your single friends, you sound like a fucking dick. The condescension is not appreciated. I'll meet him when I'm supposed to whether I'm looking or not. I do not want to meet your friend Mike. And I don't like your boyfriend Barry so... shut it!

You know what... take me out of the dating pool, right now, because I don't want to be one of those people. In fact, I'm just going to COMPLETELY jump off the bridge of well-adjusted 20-something and plummet right off into the mirth of spinsterhood, if I have to hear you people say one more damn thing about it.

I'm going to embrace the spinster lifestyle right now. I'm going to find me a pair of knitting needles, an unloveable kid to dote on, hooligans to yell at, and tomorrow, I'm going to start pining for some lost love who died or was taken away from me by my parents, who didn't understand our love. Granted none of that happened, but I've imagined up my lost lover, and he was a damn sexy man when we had our fake affair.

Now that I got all that off my chest...

Dating is like a job hunt. It's a full time job and when you write about it, it's a double full time job, and ladies and gentlemen. I'm taking a dating break. I deserve it!

I want to be chased for a change.
I want to feel free of OkCupid's many, many profiles, that are literally sitting there, waiting - hoping - longing for me to look at them.
I want to think about me for a chan... oh, wait. I already do that all the time.

The cycle of dating is constant and consistent. I've seen all my friends go through it, whether they admit it or not.

At some point in time you ended a relationship... you were (1)newly single.

You moped around for a little bit and then (2)jumped back into the dating pond. YOU WERE SO EXCITED. The possibilities were endless. You started dating some people, things were looking good, then it ended... you tried again... then it ended... you tried again... ended.

You stared looking around and realized (3) the possibilities were not endless - in fact, you start to feel exhausted, run down by dating. So instead you back off because constantly swimming in a pool for months and months and months at a time becomes overwhelming.

So you (4)jump out. You wander around for a while. Happy to hang out with just your friends and be one of the guys.

Then you start to want to have a guy... because they're nice and friendly and smell good and like scrabble... So you (5)get serious about dating and you jump back in. Swim around. Find the shark of your dreams and swim off into the sunset until the next ending, which could happen tomorrow or the next week or the next month, or year, or decade.

Unfortunately for me, lately I've had a bunch of sunsets lately without any promise of a sunrise and I'm tired.

Don't think that this means that I'm going to quit blogging. Haha, no. You're stuck with me. I don't plan on giving up blogging any time soon, because I have shit to say and for some odd reason you want to listen to me. For that I thank you!

If you're actually curious about what's going on in my dating life, I recently realized that I was holding myself back by constantly relying on the male neggers in my life to text me and then I would go running, but I was gaining nothing by my continued devotion to guys who weren't all that devoted to me, so I stopped.

I blocked numbers, deleted facebooks, and cut ties. Because you can't move forward while you've still got one foot in a bear trap.

The only downside is now I don't feel very loved... I don't mean that I'm not loved, because I know I am, but I used to get texts from my rotating "harem" (<--- I use that word lightly), at least 2/3 times a day. Now, I'm lucky if my mother texts me. I know it's for the best to move on and move forward, but am I seriously that un-fun to text?! God, please don't answer that.


  1. I know what you mean about dating. I personally have dated twice in my life: the first was a girl named Sam I liked her, but we were just not right for each other I guess and she broke up with me. The second was Amanda, I really liked her and we cuddled, had my first kiss with her, etc but she couldn't get over the fact I am an atheist and she wouldn't even talk it out with me. It shattered my heart for months. I hadn't put much stock in online dating, but I think I should give it a try at the least.

  2. I can get behind this idea... mostly bc right now i'm living in the "i need to date someone before the exboy dates someone" and it is just bringing me down.


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