Friday, May 7, 2010

The Slow Fade

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess and a handsome prince. They met in a bar, made out for a few hours, exchanged phone numbers and then flirt texted the entirety of the next day. They met up again and had the same chemistry that they had at the bar and continued to experience the same spark every time after, but one day the boy didn't text. The next day he did, but the day after that, nothing. The day after that, nothing. The next day he texts, made vague plans and then didn't respond the next three days. Eventually you feel lost, confused, and just plain upset that all of that wonderful chemistry went up *POOF* into thin air. You try texting a few more times, but it isn't even worth it now.

This my lovely readers, is the slow fade.

Why does it happen?
I can't answer with 100% sure-ness, but I can say that it could be a pleathora of reasons, such as:
1. New Crush or Love Interest
2. No Longer Interested
3. Actually Busy
4. Was Playing You from the Start, Got What They Wanted and Moved on
5. Too Cool for the Cookies You're Selling.
6. Know that They Cannot Sustain the Relationship
7. ETC...

Essentially in case you were wondering, there's nothing you can really do with the slow fade once you see it begin to progress, unless, the other party is still in fact interested, because once that slow fade gets to the point of a week or so without communication, you need to realize that it's over.

The slow fade is just a part of relationships in life, be they friendships or romantic. You know those friends you had from classes in college or from a work place that you were close with and then as you moved on, so did they? It's the same thing that happens with romantic slow fades.

A friend of mine once met a very attractive man who would text her and say let's hang out and they would try, but somehow he'd always get caught up with friends or the traffic would be too bad, or he'd completely forget. So, if we can't do anything about them, then what do we do? Well you need to establish a set amount of times of epic let downs (not meeting, not calling, m.i.a.'s) that you're o.k. with before you decide that it's time to move on. Essentially what I'm trying to say is that you should decide how many times a new crush is allowed to bail on you before you call it quits. I usually give a guy the benefit of the doubt 3 times before I say this is the last time, but this is your life and your decisions.

This isn't like a set book or a set guideline. All I can ever offer is suggestions, but this is something that I have established for myself, before I give up completely on a new flame.


  1. Sigh. This is indeed a sad part of dating life.

    #3 is a common occurrence lately, especially given all of the crazy changes life hands us (case in point, your other recent entry about the Summer breaks). It's fair to say this happens often, but it's definitely needed to communicate that one is in fact busy.

    On that same note, with the ever-changing landscape of societal gender roles, maintaining communication is nowadays a 2-way street. While the guy definitely still needs to put in his due diligence, it's important the other part of this equation is involved in some way, occasionally initiating communication.

    No matter how attractive someone may be, it's still important for that person to feel wanted. On that same note, putting someone on a pedestal to begin with can cause a serious imbalance of power in the relationship (or potential relationship). This also puts an unnecessary burden on the other person, as they will feel a need to "work" harder because they think so highly of the other person - no issue in thinking someone is long as you think you're hot too!

    As a guy, I've been on the receiving end of a "fade," and it sucks to be ignored. It's one of those necessary evils of dating - do you just flat out tell someone "I don't like you anymore" or do you let them figure it out, with the thought always lingering that "hey, anything can happen in the future."

    A tough spot - I think the preference of Fade-vs.-RejectionStamp will always vary per person - hey, we're all special snowflakes.

  2. You have a really great point Ace.

    Alot of times people become so skeptical in life that they forget that not everyone is out to get them and in fact, some people are truthful in what they say. People are busy, and in today's economy and in today's fast paced lifestyle, people are busier than ever trying to get from Point A. to Point B. with a shirt still on their back and clean socks on their feet.


    This is the 21st century and women do have the task of stepping it up when it comes to communication. We need to realize that some times guys may be just as unsure of a situation as we might be and really try to take the initiative to discuss it.

    Your pedestal comment inspired me a bit while writing the next post. It happens a lot, but it's so hard to change in a world where we're trained to believe the movie star ideal from the media.

    Thanks for reading!


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