Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Mixed Take 2

I'm not saying that I'm the all time guru of relationships and/or being single.
I know a fair bit, and what I don't know I research, (see very large stack of relationship memoirs and a well honed knowledge of msn.com's encyclopedia of relationships + a thorough study in anything newly turned up in science).

But there is one thing that no one can research, because it's all within the mind of another person.

Mixed Signals.

One day she's calling you baby, the next day she's looking at you like you're something she stepped in.

The problem with the mixed signal and the reason that they cause so much drama in burgeoning relationships is the fact that Party A. can never jump into Party B.'s head and therefore will never know what Party B. is thinking, unless they tell Party A.

For example, I could find the dreamiest, handsomest, lecherous (in a good way), and kindest man on the planet tomorrow, and have a beautiful relationship, but unless I tell him how I feel, instead of making him guess, one bad day and that new found crush could be packing up his bags looking for the next Quirky-Texan.

Do you get what I'm saying?

Signals become mixed due to a lack of communication.

A wise professor once made me create my personal mantra (in 3 to 5 pages), which outlined everything in the world I cared about, and my feelings towards everything in my life. I literally had to decide what the most important thing in the world was to me and write it down, for the world to read. If you must know I got an A on my personal mantra, but the thing that it really drove into me, was the fact that my life, is so incredibly short.

The reason that this revelation is so important is because it made me realize, how little time I have and how little time I actually have to spend with the people around me that I really care about.

This revelation also made me realize, how important relationships are. Waisting time trying to decide if girl A, B, C or D is right by playing games and playing the field is all well and good, until you begin waisting their time. This is where the Mixed Signals for this post comes into play.

A lot of people I know have backup dates/girlfriends/friends. They put them on the sidelines incase their first choice doesn't work out. Now that's all well and good for making plans, but the aggravating part about it is that people don't consider the mixed messages and pain they could be causing.

Not answering number 3's texts because number 2 is available is ridiculous, and blowing off plans with number 4 because number 1 suddenly became available is discourteous, and it all sends the wrong message.

I'm not saying don't date around, what I'm saying is that playing games, which causes mixed signals is wrong. Be honest about what's going on, tell your date that you're dating other people (unless you're dating the entire cheerleading team, then keep that bit to yourself).

You'll cause a lot less grief for yourself and the people around you if you just stick to your true feelings about them. If you honestly care for someone/ like someone/ love someone, then you should be able to show that someone, without feeling awkward or pushy or overbearing or silly.

Love my friends is a battlefield and when you shoot your own chances with friendly fire, you're just screwing yourself over in the long run and hurting your hopes to win the war. By keeping everything bottled up, unshared, you're keeping the other person in the dark. Say you really love Party A., but you've had the day from hell and ignore them in the grocery line, because you're too caught up with your own drama, well guess what Party A. is going to think you don't like him, because you're chasing thoughts no one can no aside from you.

The only solution for mixed signals... communication, which is the answer to most problems involving two or more people, and it's the only solution, which will lead to a future.

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