Monday, September 13, 2010

The Stand

It's 7 a.m., your eyelids flutter open. You yawn, start to stretch, and your arm hits something.

Rolling over on your side, you look down on the body of someone you don't know, lying next to you.

And now, you panic.

When did they get here? Were you that drunk? Were you safe? Do they have aids? Who are they? Do they have a name? Wait... are you in your apartment or theirs? Do you know where their apartment is?

The one night stand.

Either the joy of your life, or the bane of your existence. If you enjoy them, then you probably already know the following, but if you haven't experienced one then keep on reading.

What do you do when they happen and how do you deal with the after effects.

Well if you're a boy, count yourself lucky, all you need is a quick trip to a medical professional and a prayer to the lord above that the girl didn't steal your prize rookie baseball card under the stack of underwear in your dresser... if you were a bit more manly you'd look now, but then she'd get suspicious and check while you go to the bathroom.

If you're a girl, mate, you pulled the short straw. If you know for 100% certainty, that everything was safe and you've been regimented in your 'control' then you should be fine. Just take two tylenol and call it a day, but if you weren't 100% sure, it's time for a trip to your local medical professional and then one short stop at the CVS to pick up a certain 'b' product.

But once you've got all the medical and physical jargon out of the way... what do you do while you're lying there and they are still not awake.

Few options...
1. Wake them Up, while you're getting up. - Say you're leaving and hit the door. If they try to pull you back into bed, enter at your own risk.

2. Get your stuff together and then wake them up. - Tap them with a foot, say you're out and hit the door.

3. Wake them up while still in bed. - Fancier version of this is sneak out of bed, brush your teeth, fix your face and then hop back into bed where you can properly seduce them.

4. Run. - Slide out of bed, turn off their alarm, because you don't want it to go off while you're hitting the road and have them find you halfway down the hallway. Grab your belongings; don't bother changing, and slowly/quietly open the door and start running. One version of this doozy, is to leave your business card and pray they don't call you, unless you really want them to call you... now if you've just USED the person still laying in the bed and you're leaving because you don't want to deal with questions about a future relationship, but you want them to get the impression that you still want to have 'fun' with them, maybe the business card is the proper way to go, but either way, I think it's just a bit sleazy to bolt on a one night stand and leave your business card, but. that's. just. me.

Aside from that I really don't have any opinions to whether or not one night stands are good or bad, I think it depends on the pair's emotional maturity, but that's for another blog.

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