So I recently returned from a cruise to the caribbean on the Royal Caribbean ship, Serenade of the Seas, which went to two of my favorite islands, Aruba and Curacao, hopefully one day this blog will be called Married in Curacao (one can dream). Anyway, while on the trip I met some killer people including Antish, Jorge, Jorge, Emilio and George. (yes Jorge and Jorge... and George)
Now everyone was pretty baller, and my family and I had a great time, but what this trip has taught me is invaluable.
George was a young teacher from Connecticut, who would meet me on the field of trivia battle. I came with my army of family and he came... by himself (it's like David and Goliath, except we're not evil). Every trivia George, solo, would put up a feisty fight against us, and in some cases he would kill us bare handed and at other times, we handed him his head on a plate. But one day George arrived and my army had dwindled to just myself and a cousin, so we joined forces, where together, we killed the other foes and won crappy blue things. Thus started our friendship. After playing trivia with George instead of against him, the curtains were dropped and it became quite apparent to me that aside from being horribly intelligent, he was horribly awesome-kick-ass. The only flaw I could determine on George aside from being equal heights, which isn't his flaw (I'm blaming my dad for being abnormally tall and diluting my mother's short genes) was the fact that he lives in Connecticut.
Not that I have anything against Connecticut, aside from it's distance in regards to DC, which is TOO FAR.
I am the queen of Long Distance Relationships. QUEEN. My first boyfriend was long distance (I was under 16, he didn't have a car and the 30 miles was a huge gap in my mind). My 1st manfriend was long distance when I came to college and that ended beautifully, by beautifully I mean not. at. all. Next came the end of the semester boys who would edge into the summer, where things typically petered out. There were cruise staffers, which I'd keep in touch with, and they'd profess their love and desire to visit me, but how awkward is it to invite a guy you've only known for a week to spend a week with you in the dorms? Then the cruise staff love of my life, which ended when my parents wouldn't let me take cruises without them to visit him, and they hid my passport. Then the LDR from Hell (still hate the state of Tennessee). I've seen LDRs start and fail and I've also seen them flourish and last for years on end. So I know what works, doesn't work, and why I'm not about to try it again.
At one point in time during my college career, I actually developed a 2 hour documentary on Long Distance Relationships, which I'm sure my Producing Class thoroughly judged me for (I've had some development gems - Rubbed Raw, A shitty toilet paper documentary & Winded, a short script about Rhett Butler returning to be someone's guardian angel. I'm surprised I wasn't blackballed by the serious film students...).
My lesson of George is this.
I refuse to be a long distance relationship kind of girl any longer, and while George was this amazing guy/catch, a real keeper if you will, I couldn't do it. Much to the chagrin of my brother's girlfriend, I refused to give George my number. And much to George's chagrin, I refused to take his. Because I'm not the kind of girl who can believe that her LDR-manfriend isn't finding closer-distance-chicks when they get drunk or frisky or just be themselves, because at the end of the night, I recognize that I too, would prefer the company of someone closer versus cradling the phone to my ear.
This isn't to say that I'm refusing to date quality men. It's a refusal to nudge myself into something that for me, never works out. I'm going to admit it. I can't do it. It's not a talent I have. And as I sit here pondering what life could have been like had I just said, you know what. Totally doable! I can also imagine what my life would have been like had it not worked out.
My brother's girlfriend reprimanded me about the number. She said, "you know you're not following your own advice to put yourself out there..." and she's right, but I'm also following my gut in the fact that I know me well enough to know the heart break at the end of the day in this case, just would have been too brutal.
Now don't take this post the wrong way, there are cases where LDRs work brilliantly and some couples can make them work and still share a deep love and connection. What I'm saying is that for me to have a LDR work, it would need to rest on some serious trust, love, regular communication & feelings-sharing (not that I'm all too good at feelings-sharing myself), and a shit ton of visits.
Maybe you have some suggestions? If so, I'd love to hear them.
I completely understand what you're talking about. My first LDR ended up with me moving over 1000 miles away from home, and ended with me moving back after a short year. I tried others since, but nothing matches the feeling of having someone there. Someone to hold, caress, and ultimately love. I've thus vowed myself against LDR, just as you have. A human heart can only take so much.ReplyDelete